The Braided Truth
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Photo courtesy of https://hairstylecamp.com/kids-braided-ponytail/
It was the night before the last day of the school year. My elder daughter came into my room and asked me if I could tie 2 ponytail braids for her tomorrow morning. I smiled and asked her why because she normally wore her hair in a single ponytail. She said that she just wanted to look her best tomorrow because she was happy.
Given how busy my weekday mornings are with helping everyone get ready for school and work, I was reluctant to agree to her request. I explained that tying the two braids will take some time and I wasn’t sure if I have enough time to do so. She thought for a while and then told me that she will wake up earlier to allow for more time for me to tie her hair. This was a big ask for her as she was not a natural early riser.
I eventually agreed, seeing how determined she was with her request. The next day came and true to her word, she was up early, all dressed. She finished her breakfast faster than she normally would. I delivered my end of the promise and saw a very happy girl leave home with neatly tied ponytail braids.
When I met her at school later that afternoon, my daughter looked sad when I greeted her. I asked her what was wrong. She said that one of her good friends questioned her about her choice of hairstyle and criticized the way she looked. I believe that it was an innocent comment on her friend’s part but those words hurt my daughter. No one likes negative remarks. It also hurt her because it was her good friend who said those words. They were said by someone she liked and trusted.
You may think this little story is trivial and such interactions only happen among children. That is true to a certain extent but have a think - how often do we as adults experience similar invalidations? How many times have we been dismissed, put down or criticized simply due to how we looked or what we said or did, just because it was not aligned with what people expected of us?
My daughter’s friend probably remarked that way because she wasn’t used to seeing my daughter wear her hair in braids. It didn’t gel with her idea of how my daughter should look. She may just not like that look herself and couldn’t understand why my daughter wore that hairstyle. Isn’t it common that we react negatively to people or circumstances that we don’t understand?
As we walked home, I asked my daughter that putting aside her friend’s comments, what did she think about how she looked? She was quiet for a spell and then with conviction in her eyes, she said, “I look very nice. I don’t care that [her friend’s name] didn’t like it. I like my braids and that’s what matters!” With that, she walked ahead of me, hand in hand with her younger sister as they both chatted about their day.
I watched her with pride. My daughter has a strong understanding and appreciation of her self-worth. In her own way, she understood that there will always be people who will put you down. These instances will hurt her but it was up to her to choose to either stay in that hurt or release that feeling and focus on the present moment. She did just that by enjoying the walk home with her mother and younger sister.
Photo by Jurate Cesnaite on Unsplash
“Authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice - a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen!”
As you reflect on Brene Brown’s words, what do your collection of choices say about who you are? Do they reflect your values and purpose? Will you be proud of your choices when your children see you in action? Will you cringe with discomfort if they knew what you did on a daily basis? What is the price that you are paying for compromising your true self just to fit in? Is it a necessary cost, one that you think needs to be paid in order for you to excel in your career and life? Ask yourself - do I have a choice to be truly authentic?
Here’s my suggestion of 3 takeaways for you to experiment on as you contemplate how to remain true to your authentic self in all situations:
Acknowledge
Take some time as you wind down this month to rediscover who you truly are. What are your passions? What gives you joy? What are your non-negotiables - values that you cannot compromise? What or who matters most to you? Acknowledge all these statements and traits that form who you are.
Accept
Be honest with yourself and accept that there are things that you may never be an expert at no matter how much learning and training you put into them. You don’t have to be a square peg trying to force your way into a round hole. Once you accept your shortcomings and embrace them, you will find it easier to make the choices to be authentic.
Activate
Once you have acknowledged what constitutes your authentic self and accept your flaws, it is now time to activate your goals. Plan for the coming year. What do you want to do that resonates with your purpose? Who do you need to engage for support and to keep you accountable? What resources do you need? How will you stay focus and keep on track?
If these ideas resonate with you and you want to delve deeper into them, you can contact me here for a complimentary 30 minutes coaching session to get clear on what really matters for you as you start the new year.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”