Conspiracy Theory
“Conspiracy theory is the ultimate refuge of the powerless. If you cannot change your own life, it must be that some greater force controls the world.”
Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash
My pastor delivered an interesting sermon several Sundays ago. He declared that we are all conspiracy theorists! He then qualified that he was not referring to the global conspiracy theories. Side note: One of my favourite conspiracy theories is the Roswell UFO incident. There were speculations that an unidentified flying object crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 and the U.S. Government spent years covering that up. (Side note: Yes, I was a big X Files fan back in the 1990s and still love the series! My husband bought me the box set of the entire series as my Christmas present 3 years ago.)
Okay, back to my pastor’s sermon. What he meant was that we have a tendency to blame everyone else when something unpleasant happens to us. For example, John didn’t get the promotion he wanted. He was upset and disappointed. He blamed his manager and HR for being biased against him. In his mind, he drew comfort thinking that his manager always favoured his colleague because they had better rapport. The HR manager didn’t like him because he didn’t graduate from an ivy league university. His colleague was much better at showcasing his expertise and to be honest, he was too much of a braggart. John’s conspiracy theory was that the odds were stacked against him and everyone was out to get him. He couldn’t stand a chance. He ended up being demotivated and became unproductive at work. It turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophesy and he was eventually demoted, resulting in his departure from the organisation with bitterness and resentment.
How true was his conspiracy theory? We will never know. However, he may have reached a better outcome if he took this incident as an opportunity for learning and growth. He could have arranged for a one-to-one meeting with his manager to discuss career progression planning. If he felt that his technical skills needed brushing up, he could have considered enrolling in top-up courses to improve himself. As for his colleague’s behaviour, he could have accepted that everyone behaves differently and find ways to shine in the workplace which worked for him.
Have you ever thought and behaved like John before? Are you a conspiracy theorist? It happens to all of us. What thoughts race through your mind when your manager walks past you in the hallway without acknowledging your presence? Do you automatically assume you’re in his bad books?
What about when your spouse returns home without saying a word? Do you jump to the conclusion that he is selfish and doesn’t care about you? Do your thoughts spiral down the slippery slope as you think about all his negative traits and question why you married him in the first place?
Okay, hold on, you say! That’s crazy! I am not like that!
I agree that not all our conspiracy theories are that far-fetched but more often than not, most of us do not take responsibility for our thoughts, behaviours and actions. We run on auto-pilot mode and just react with the strongest emotion we feel when triggered by unpleasant events. We blame the weather and traffic (or bad internet connection!) for being late for our meetings. We blame our kids for not being responsible with their chores and that’s why our homes are messy. We blame the government and the economy for lack of job opportunities. We blame the pandemic for all the unfortunate events in our lives last year. It is so easy to fall into the blame trap. We don’t have to take ownership of anything. We just lament that life is so unfair!
Photo by Roman Mager on Unsplash
E + R = O
E = Events in our lives
R = Our Response to those Events
O - The Outcomes we experience
I first learnt this principle from Jack Canfield, the author of The Success Principles (TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. What are we supposed to focus on in this equation of E+R=O?
It's not the E and it's not the O. You're right! It's the R.
There are only 3 Responses that we can truly have any control over:
- Our behaviours
- Our thoughts
- Our visual imagery - what we think the future will be
When you change your Rs to the Es in your life, you will eventually obtain the Os you desire.
It does sound easy but putting this simple equation into practice is difficult. It takes intentionality, conscious reflection and discipline not to live our lives on auto-pilot mode. If you take the example of John, blaming others and wallowing in self-pity is easy. John didn’t have to do anything except whine and complain.
If he had taken the other approach to learn and grow from the missed promotion opportunity, he would have needed to make the effort to schedule the meeting with his manager, to upskill himself and to focus on personal growth and improvement instead of focusing on how others may seem better than him.
How do we get into the habit on focusing on our Rs? I ask myself these three questions. I find that they help me pause, take a step back and move into higher sage thinking, uncluttered by the emotions I feel about the situation:
What is within my control?
What is not within my control which I have to accept and let go of?
What can I do that is within my control to improve the situation?
You don’t have to ask these questions sequentially or all of them at the same time. In the case of the ongoing pandemic, there are so many things that are not within our control. When we start to accept our present situation, we will start to feel a sense of peace even though the situation remains the same. We start to focus on what we can do within our power to make the acceptance a little easier.
It has been a year now since I visited my parents. Cross border travel between Singapore and Malaysia is still on a restricted basis. We will not be able to visit them during the Lunar New Year in February. How can I make my acceptance of this situation easier? I call them more often, I write to them and I spend a lot of time praying for them. It gives me comfort, knowing and trusting that God is in control of our lives even when I am not able to be physically near them.
You can’t determine the events that happen in your lives. However, when you actively make choices towards the type of responses you want to have towards these events, there is a higher likelihood that the outcomes will be better. Even if things don’t turn out as desired, you would be able to see the outcomes from a calmer, bigger picture perspective when you take the time to reflect and make conscious effort to choose your responses.
Do you need help to work on applying this simple equation of E+R=O in your life? Reach out to me here to get started on living a more conscious and purposeful life.
Remember to book your complimentary 30-minutes coaching session which is my Christmas gift to each of you is still available until 30 January 2021.
“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”