Good or Bad?
“Much in life is simply a matter of perspective. It’s not inherently good or bad, a success or failure; it’s how we choose to look at things that makes the difference.”
Dr. Shirzad Chamine often speaks about the old Chinese fable of the Stallion in his keynote speeches on Positive Intelligence. The fable revolves around the life of an old farmer in a small village in China. The farmer owned a stallion which was his most prized possession. One day, he entered the stallion in a competition and it won the first prize. All of his neighbours rushed over to congratulate the old farmer and yet, the farmer’s calm response was, “Who knows what is good or what is bad?”
The neighbours left him, feeling puzzled as they expected him to rejoice and celebrate his winnings.
The next week, thieves broke in the farmer’s stable and stole the stallion. When the neighbours learnt of this, they rushed over to console the old farmer. They found the farmer looking perfectly calm and at ease and he said, “Who knows what is good or what is bad?”
Puzzled yet again, the neightbours left him, thinking that this old farmer is probably becoming senile.
The following week, the stallion escapes and returns to the farmer, bringing back several wild horses with him. The neighbours were amazed by this wonderful twist of fate and rushed over to share in the farmer’s joy. They found him again being very calm and unaffected by his good fortune, saying, “Who knows what is good or what is bad?”
Three days later, the farmer’s only son rode one of the wild horses in his attempt to tame it. The horse threw the son him to the ground and he broke his leg. The neighbours rushed over to comfort the farmer and were quite disturbed when they found him being very calm. He quietly told them, “Who knows what is good or what is bad?”
A fortnight later, a war broke out in the region. The army wanted to conscript young men to join and fight the war. However, they couldn’t take the farmer’s son due to his broken leg. However, they couldn’t take the farmer’s son due to his broken leg. This time, the neighbours didn’t rush over to congratulate him as they knew what the farmer was going to say…
“Who knows what is good or what is bad?”
Photo by Sheri Hooley on Unsplash
What is this little fable telling us? We can choose to attach a great deal of significance to the events or we can choose to not be attached to the outcomes. We can choose how we want to view the circumstances in our lives. What are your thoughts on this fable?
I had a similar experience to the Stallion story recently, albeit not as dramatic, of course. I went for my medical appointment for a thorough check-up. As with most people, I am not a fan of visiting the doctor but I knew that it was something that needed to be done for my own well-being. I was pleased that my overall results were very good. On my way back from the hospital, I received a phone call from my daughter’s school. The general office staff told me that my middle daughter had fallen from the staircase and sprained her ankle. Thankfully, I had finished my appointment and was able to go pick her up immediately. It turned out to be a minor sprain which healed several days later.
That afternoon, I learnt from my father that he upgraded his mobile phone plan to include a data package. Previously, he did not have a data plan and all our communications were done through voice calls on the phone. So, that afternoon, after more than a year since the pandemic started, I had my first video call with my parents. It was a very moving experience for all of us as I have not been able to travel to visit them since January 2020. I’m very grateful that we could finally “see” each other.
However, that evening, when my teenage son came home from school, he was in a bad mood and I ended up having a heated argument with him over chores – doing the laundry. The argument ended calmly with me telling him that his disrespectful behaviour was unacceptable and with him telling me that he was just so tired of everything. I couldn’t get anything else out from him. He remained moody and sulky for the next few days.
So, what was good or bad from the events of my day? I had my highs in terms of my medical results and my first video call with my parents. I had my lows with my daughter’s injury and my son’s attitude that evening. Do I let the “bad” discount the “good”? I admit that for a short moment, I doubted my parenting skills and wondered if I could have handled that evening’s situation differently. However, after talking it over with my husband, we both decided that there wasn’t anything else that I could have done differently for that particular matter and it was my son’s choice to choose to behave that way. If I had allowed my self-doubts and negative chatter to overwhelm me, I would have spiralled into despair and would have lost sight of the blessings I received earlier that day.
What is your Stallion story like? Do you allow your negative thoughts to take you hostage? Are you able to recognise the damage and harm that they are causing you and consciously make a choice to look at the situation from another perspective?
Do you have a Stallion story to share? Do you want to be able to accept the circumstances, both good and bad, like the old farmer? Reach out to me here to schedule a complimentary 30-minutes coaching session to discover what coaching can do for you in terms of shifting your perspectives.