Lessons in Life Jenny Toh Lessons in Life Jenny Toh

The Energy of Words

“Remember your words can plant gardens or burn whole forests down.”
— Gemma Troy, Australian poet

We have experienced the power of words. How we have been inspired by them when we listen to charismatic speakers. Songs and poems touch our hearts and ignite our souls. Books transport us into magical, imaginary worlds. Words exchanged in a heated argument stay with us long after the matter is resolved. Sadly, condemning words said to us during our childhood left scars which never fully healed.

Words also have energy to them. My youngest daughter may say “I hate you” to me in a mischievous voice. When I hear her words, I don’t feel the energy of hate. Rather, I hear love and fun due to the tone of her voice. However, when my son says, “It’s up to you. I’m fine with your decision,” in a monotonous tone, I know that he’s not fine. The energy of his words was not congruent with the actual words said.

Say the following words aloud and slowly. See what feelings come up for you when you hear yourself saying these words:

  • No

  • Yes

  • But

  • And

  • Can’t

  • Can

  • Have to

  • Get to

  • Frustrated

  • Curious

  • Criticism

  • Empathy

  • Suspicious

  • Hopeful

  • Pessimistic

  • Optimistic

  • Upset

  • Peaceful

  • Disappointed

  • Grateful

What was your energy like when you said positive words such as empathy, hopeful and peaceful? Chances are you also felt the way the words meant when you said them. Saying “no”, “but”, “can’t” and “have to” gives a sense of heaviness and impossibility whereas words like “yes”, “and”, “can” and “get to” revives you and renews your energy to move forward.

“Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.”

- Nathaniel Hawthorne, American novelist

What do you think of these two sentences? Do they mean the same thing?

  • I have to be good at this job.

  • I want to be good at this job.

The first sentence sends a sense of desperation in that it implies that something is at stake if I end up not doing a good job. When I say it aloud, I feel a sense of reluctance, almost being forced to do a good job. It’s as though it’s not something I want to do.

The second sentence, however, provides motivation and hope. I want to be good at this job. Yes, something may still be at stake if I don’t do a good job but it doesn’t bring about that sense of desperation. It’s something I want to do. It motivates me to find ways to be good at the job. It may even inspire me to look at the job in a new way, just to improve how I do it now.

Let’s explore the energy that each of these sentences.

  • I have to do the laundry.

  • I want to do the laundry.

    • I have to pass my Bar exams.

    • I want to pass my Bar exams.

  • I have to do this presentation tomorrow morning.

  • I want to do this presentation tomorrow morning.

    • I have to discuss the poor performance of my subordinate.

    • I want to discuss the poor performance of my subordinate.

  • I have to speak to my husband about my worries.

  • I want to speak to my husband about my worries.

    • I have to tell my son that his actions were disrespectful.

    • I want to tell my son that his actions were disrespectful.

  • I have to show everyone that I am talented.

  • I want to show everyone that I am talented.

    • I have to stay strong.

    • I want to stay strong.

As you reflect on them, do you see which ones you have a tendency of using more often?

Do you say “I have to” a lot more than “I want to”?

How does that make you feel?

Do you feel that most of the time, you have to do what you’re doing now not because you want to but because it’s something that needs to be done and no one else wants to do it?

Yes, I definitely feel that way when it comes to doing the laundry. However, even as I typed the words, “I want to do the laundry”, a small shift happened in me. I still don’t enjoy doing the laundry but the fact that thinking and saying that I want to do it makes that task a little more attractive than before.

Saying “I have to” gives me the feeling that there is an external pressure on me to get those things done. It is not my choice to do so. Saying “I want to” shifts that view. I want to do it. I choose to do it. It empowers and motivates me. Okay, the laundry part may need a lot more convincing that it is something I want to do but I hope you get my drift.

What do you think will happen if you change your “I have to”s to “I want to”s?

The tasks have to be done. Do you want to them willingly or reluctantly?

There will not be any overnight miracles in that you immediately shift from the heaviness of the tasks at hand but you may start to realise that the tasks seem more manageable and perhaps with time, you may even start to enjoy them or find new ways to approach them.

Even if they are tasks that you don’t want to do but have to do, saying “I want to” gives you a sense of control in terms of your mindset towards them. Hopefully, with a more empowered mindset, you will be more at peace with those difficult situations and conversations that you have to carry out.

What do you want to do today?

Schedule a complimentary 30-minutes discovery call with me here.

Let me support you as your coach today.

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”

- Nora Roberts, American author

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