The Prosperity in Gratitude
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
Happy Thanksgiving!
We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Singapore. However, my daughters’ school initiated a Thanksgiving Day last Thursday as it was the last day of the school year for them. They had a picnic although it was an odd one. They brought their own sandwiches, biscuits and fruits to school and each ate at their individual desks, due to the ongoing social distancing measures that are in place. My daughters were still thankful as it was a lighter day at school without heavy going lessons and they exchanged small gifts amongst their friends.
I thought it would be apt to write a post on gratitude and giving thanks. This is the time of year when we give thanks. It's the time when we look around our lives and feel grateful for all that we have. Our families, friends, and all of the love in our lives. We are grateful for the work that we do. We look to see the silver lining in all of our difficult situations, and feel grateful for the opportunity to learn so much from. Did you notice how abundant you felt when you were standing in place of all of that gratitude?
Gratitude is a powerful thing to exercise when we are looking to create more abundance in our lives. Why? As we focus on all that we are grateful for, we begin to feel more abundant and contented. As we focus on what we have, it shifts our perspective from a place of scarcity to a place of abundance. As we focus on our joy, we eventually end up creating more of it in our lives. Likewise, as we focus on love, we feel grateful for all the love that is in our lives and want to share that love with others.
When you create from a place of love, your life will become more joyous and richer.
The question is, "It's Thanksgiving, but shouldn't we practice gratitude all of the time?" The answer is yes! Especially if you would like to create more joy, peace, and prosperity in your life.
“Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.”
- John Wooden, American basketball coach
Integrating Gratitude into Your Life
When things are going well
It’s easier to be grateful when things are going well in your life. That being said, many of my clients find it difficult to be grateful for their accomplishments, their successes and the blessings in their lives. It’s not that they don’t want to. Often, it’s because they feel that they didn’t deserve them and it was due to luck or someone else’s assistance. They don’t believe the events were important enough to warrant making such a big fuss about them. They may also be sub-consciously worried that if they attach too much importance or attention to these events, they might be taken away from them, that something bad might happen just around the corner. I help my client to truly appreciate what they have in the present moment. We work together to address the limiting and unhealthy beliefs that they have. These beliefs could have come from past experiences in their lives - how they were brought up, painful life experiences, something someone said to them - the list goes on. The main thing is to recognise what happened in the past does not affect the gratitude that you feel for the present events. I encourage my clients to sit with their feelings of gratitude when they first feel them, not to shrug them away or move to the next feeling or thing to do. Just to sit and embrace the emotion and feel all the sensations that it brings to the body. It’s like taking the time to enjoy your ice cream and all the taste sensations instead of worrying about how quickly it’s melting or where you have to run off to! Enjoy your ice cream!
When things are not going well
Admittedly, this is the hardest time to feel grateful. My personal practice is to appreciate the lessons I’m learning from the difficult situations in my life. I believe, as a Christian, God is allowing these situations to enable me to grow in areas of my life which need attention. For example, I have a difficult person in my life whom I interact with often. Removing that person from my life is not possible. I learnt to be grateful for the lessons of patience and empathy in this relationship. On the days when my cup is full, when I have taken good care of myself, it’s easy to see these lessons and be grateful for them. On days when I am stressed, worn out and running on empty, it’s much easier to wallow in self-pity, feel frustrated and angry. However, I reflect in my gratitude journal at the end of those days of the lessons learnt. For certain situations, the lessons or the gifts will not be apparent until years down the road. It’s important to remember that you are doing the best that you can in the present moment as you are only human. Also remember that you are not alone and if you reach out for help and support, there will always be someone in your life for this season of need.
When you just don’t feel grateful
There are days when you just don’t feel grateful. It’s not that you are going through a difficult time. You’re probably having a normal day with nothing special happening. Here are some suggestions on growing your gratitude muscles for such days.
Look for what you want to see vs. what you don't want to see. Too often we go about our day waiting and expecting awful things to happen, or we expect to be disappointed. Seek out things that you want to focus on - the good and positive things. If you are thinking of buying a red car, chances are you will see red cars everywhere! What you put your mind’s focus on, the more likely you are going to attract it.
Appreciate and be grateful for something about you. Be grateful that you have a beautiful smile and a heart of gold. Be grateful that you are a savvy business person, or that you are inventive or intuitive. Be grateful that you are a wonderful parent. Be grateful that you are not perfect. Choose one thing about yourself that you are grateful today!
If it's difficult to find something to be grateful about yourself, start by looking around your world and appreciating that. The snow, the leaves, the sun. Look for beauty in your life. Focus on the penny that you do have vs. the one that you don't.
I wish each of you a very blessed Thanksgiving and a festive celebration session as we draw near to the close of this year. May you always be surrounded by people who love you and experience the warmth of their presence with you. If you want to explore coaching and discover how I can support you, you can reach out to me here.
“Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.”
- Doris Day, American actress
Smell the Oranges
“If you don’t stop to smell the roses every once in a while, you will eventually become a thorn in your own side.”
Stop and smell the roses, or in my recent experience, smell the oranges! My youngest daughter took pains to carefully peel 2 mandarin oranges and lovingly arranged them on a plate as seen in the photo. She brought them to me during a busy work afternoon to share the oranges with me. She knew I was working hard and thought I needed a break. When I saw the slices of mandarin oranges beautifully arranged by my daughter, my heart melted and I immediately stopped looking at the document in my laptop. We then had a nice 20 minutes just eating the oranges and talking about how our respective mornings went. It was a beautiful moment of connection and bonding between me and my daughter. It happened because she noticed that I needed a “pick-me-up” and acted on it by following her heart. It happened because I made a conscious decision to stop what I was doing and slowed down to focus all my attention on her. She even asked me if I was going to use the photo for one of my blog posts and my answer was a definite “yes”!
So, here we are…
How busy is your life today? What is your immediate response if there is an interruption in the middle of your busy day? Do you welcome it if it comes from someone you love and hold close to your heart? Are you easily irritated or annoyed by that interruption? Do you have a long to-do list which seems to grow by the day? Do you feel like a hamster running on a wheel, unable to step off it for the fear that everything will fall apart if you do?
A friend shared the other day that when she is not feeling good in herself i.e., not at peace within herself, the smallest challenges or issues can blow up into unmanageable problems. However, when she is feeling that she is in a good place, mentally, emotionally and physically, these same challenges are actually very manageable. She is able to see the solutions and take the necessary steps towards them. If she is not in a good place, she feels trapped in her head and can’t really see any breakthrough in her circumstances.
We then talked about self-care. She has been feeling stressed and stretched lately with responsibilities and commitments at home and at work. She candidly said that she couldn’t recall the last time she spent any time doing something she enjoyed by herself.
What is self-care?
I came across this article published in PsychCentral titled “What Self-Care is — and What It Isn’t” written by Raphailia Michael and medically reviewed by the Scientific Advisory Board, where she defined self-care as “any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health”. It’s also important to know what self-care is not. It is not a selfish act. It is not something forced although we have to make it a point to do it e.g., like scheduling self-care time in our busy schedules and committing to keep our self-care “appointments”. Not to move them around if we have other more pressing things to tend to. If we don’t look after ourselves, who will?
“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.”
Photo by Heidi Kaden on Unsplash
Have you done anything recently that rejuvenates you? Have you actively sought to recharge your batteries? Do you have something that you look forward to on a daily basis? How do you feel after you have tended to yourself? Are there lingering feelings of guilt? Do you feel that self-care is a luxury and that there has been too much hype around it?
The benefits of self-care can be divided into 3 categories:
Physical - by committing to look after your body and tending to its needs, you will become healthier. This would include regular exercise, sufficient sleep and listening to your body especially when you feel tension or pain.
Mental - by recognising that you have negative thoughts but choosing not to let those thoughts overwhelm you. Have a healthy outlook in life and look for opportunities for self-improvement and personal growth. Invest in your mental development, both personally and professionally.
Emotional - by committing to accept that emotions do not form who you are. They are just emotions, feelings and again, you have a choice not to succumb to the emotions. Make time for relaxing activities to soothe the mind and body.
For me, simple things like a cup of coffee when the house is quiet in the morning starts my day on a calm, peaceful note. Writing provides me with an outlet to process my thoughts and emotions and it also gives me great joy. I enjoy exercising with my children and we have a lot of fun while we’re at it. I write in my journal every night before bedtime. Over the weekends, I watch comedies or movies with my husband. Yes, these are small simple things and yet, I know that something is not quite right when I don’t do them.
Have you considered how you’re doing with your own self-care routine? Drop me a note here if you want to take a self-care quiz to find out the current level of your self-care. If you would like to explore how coaching can help you achieve a better balance in your life, book a free 30-minutes call with me to find out more.
“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.”