Marathon
“Life is a marathon, not a sprint; pace yourself accordingly!”
This month has been a busy one for me and in a good way. I’ve taken up a legal consultancy assignment that will last until the end of the year. It is one that challenges and stimulates my legal brain. I am excited about it and at the same time, there is apprehension given that it is taking me outside my comfort zone. We all know that growth happens there! This does not mean that I’m putting my coaching business on hold. On the contrary, I’m very excited about its growth as I am coaching more clients now, diverse individuals from various industries. Quite of a number of them are introverts and I’m inspired to journey alongside them to enable them to see introversion as a strength and not as a sign of weakness.
I’ve also been appearing as a podcast guest in more shows and have just created a new page in my website - see “Media” above. You can listen to all the episodes I’ve recorded there and I hope you will find one that is insightful and helpful for you. In my conversations with some of the podcast hosts, I’ve been asked/challenged by 3 hosts so far to launch my own podcast. Hmmm…food for thought for next year, perhaps?
With all the happenings in my life this month, I’ve been reflecting that I am working at a pace that is more of a sprint than running at a steady pace. As my new assignment requires me to be at the office of the organisation fortnightly, I’ve had to adjust my coaching schedule, my time with my husband and kids and not to mention the endless household chores. I’ve also reduced time for myself significantly and convinced myself that when I coach, that’s my “me” time as I love coaching. I took some time off last Sunday to rest and reflect on the past few weeks. Is the pace that I am keeping sustainable? It’s exciting, yes! It’s rewarding, yes! Can I keep this up for the long run? The hard truth is no.
This is why I am writing this post to share my thoughts on making sustainable changes in your life.
“Life is like a marathon, not a sprint. You have to train for endurance, not speed.” - Unknown
We live life with endurance and resilience. I looked up websites on how to train for a marathon. The lessons I gleamed there can also apply to how we live our lives.
Start small
Before you run a full marathon, run shorter races to get an idea of the level of your stamina. Similarly, with any new venture in life, start with preparation. Do your homework. Do you know how much you can take on in this season of your life? Don’t go in too soon and too fast without knowing what you really want.
Seek out counsel from those who have run ahead of you. What words of wisdom do they have for you that can help you prepare for your run in life?
For this phase of my life, I consulted friends who have been doing legal consulting work for years and obtained their advice on how to succeed in such roles. They helped me stayed grounded while framing my thinking in the right perspective and not get carried away.
Know your base mileage
All marathon runners have their base mileage that they commit to run at weekly. One must be disciplined to keep this routine of running 3-5 times per week. They review their base mileage regularly and increase it by 10% from week to week to push themselves. Do you know what your base mileage is? It’s where you are confident and comfortable at what you’re doing. You do it well and you can do it consistently. That means you are in your comfort zone. What do you need to do to take yourself out of it, just by 10%? Discover what that is and start doing it.
Practice the long run
Once you know your weekly base mileage, practise the long run. This is to build your stamina for the marathon. It is during the long run that you run slower, allowing your body to adjust to longer distances and teaches your body to burn fat for fuel. This is a timely lesson for me as I tend to push myself and meet deadlines way ahead of when they are due in my previous employments. Now, in this role, I remind myself not to rush and pace myself. Yes, deadlines need to be met but I am more mindful and present when I am doing the work at hand. Do you take the time to think about the pace that you put yourself in at work? Are you allowing time to adjust to new tasks and responsibilities or are you constantly fighting fire? Ask yourself - which approach is more sustainable?
Rest and recovery
Sure, there will be moments in your life where you have to sprint. The main thing is to realise that it is only meant to be for a short time and not for the long run. Marathon runners know the importance of rest days - days when they do not run. They allow their muscles to rest and recover from the aches and pains. The best way to prevent injury is rest. Likewise, the best way to prevent burnout is rest. Are you resting enough, mentally and physically? Is your mind constantly racing with checking items off your to-do list? What would your life look like if you intentionally take the time to pause, rest and recover from the hectic pace?
I protect my Sundays religiously (no pun intended!). I don’t do any legal drafting or research and I also don’t coach. I admit that there are times when I have had to work and I’ve been tempted to schedule a coaching session on a Sunday as I want to accommodate my clients’ schedules. When that happens, I stop myself and think - is this what I really want? Is this sustainable? The answer is always no as I need my Sundays off. It’s a non-negotiable for me. What are your non-negotiables?
Take this time to pause and reflect on your personal marathon. Do you have a sustainable plan? What would that plan look like if you have a coach running alongside you?
Speak to me to find out more about partnering with me as your coach!
“Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it.” - Oprah Winfrey
An Attitude of Acceptance
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash
“Ask the river, where it comes from? You will get no answer. Ask the river, where is it going? You will get no answer, because the river lives inside this very moment; neither in the past nor in the future, in this very moment only!”
Following on from my blog post last week on letting go, I’ve been reflecting on my own thoughts and behaviours towards a difficult personal situation in my life which involved dealing with an individual who overstepped boundaries. I must admit it has been difficult to sit with my emotions and make firm decisions to see things through. I felt hurt, angry and frustrated, to the point that I can’t seem to find a way out. The quote above resonated with me. It’s not the “river” I asked but God. He appeared silent. No answer. What do I need to do to find a solution? No answer. What do you want me to learn from this? No answer. Where is the justice in all this? No answer. How long will this last? No answer. I wrestled with God, to the point of demanding answers, bargaining with Him and just crying out as I was at my wits’ end.
Then, I just accepted the situation. By acceptance, I don’t mean a feeling of resignation and defeat. I just came to a point where I told myself, “I’ve done all that I can to make the situation better. I know that I am not in the wrong. My conscience is clear and my integrity is intact. I can do nothing more now.”
Surprisingly, just by saying that aloud and even now as I type these words, the feeling is liberating. I feel lighter, as though a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I still don’t know the outcome if I will ever be vindicated. However, the realisation that came to me when I accepted the situation is that there are lessons for growth to be learnt. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and mulling about why this is happening to me, I decided to take a step back and ask myself the following questions:
How has this experience changed me?
What has this experience taught me?
How has the experience equipped me to handle similar situations in the future?
What have I learnt as a lesson of growth from this experience?
Photo by Florian van Schreven on Unsplash
This experience has changed me in that it has increased my self-confidence. I now know that I have a stronger inner resolve and wisdom to face this situation and similar situations in the future and still come out of it still honouring God with my words and actions.
It has taught me that I am prone to be critical of myself when unfavourable circumstances arise. I have a tendency towards self-blame, taking on too much responsibility of the actions of others. Does this behaviour serve me in any way? Of course not! It has made me realise that I am not responsible for causing anyone else to behave in a certain way. They are perfectly capable of managing their own emotions. If they fail to do so and behave negatively, I am not to be blamed.
What is my lesson of growth? I believe it’s to continue to trust in God and His promises despite not knowing the answers. It’s to be comfortable with the unknowns while resting on the truth that He loves me and all is still within His control, even if I don’t see or feel it.
It reminds me of the times when I woke up from nightmares as a child. My first urge was to run to my parents’ bedroom to wake them up but as I grew older, the fact that I knew that they were in the room next to mine gave me comfort. I didn’t need to see or hear them. Similarly, I know that God has not abandoned me and I draw strength from the many times in the past that He has seen me through difficult times in my life.
What can you do when you face adversities and circumstances that shake you to the core? How does adopting an attitude of acceptance help you? Jack Welch, CEO of General Electric, said, “Face reality as it is, not as it was or as you wish it to be.” I would add that with this state of acceptance in facing reality as it is, your mind becomes clearer when figuring out the solutions to the circumstances. You are not dwelling on the past on how good things were back then. You are also not distracted by the uncertainties and fears of what the future holds. You are fully present to look at reality as it stands now.
It may be helpful for you to consider the four questions I posed in this blog post. These questions will prompt you to reflect and go deep within yourself to consider your inner strengths and resources to emerge from the adversities stronger than before they occurred in your life. These questions will also help you look at the difficult situation in your life from a different perspective - one of discovery, learning and growing as opposed to one of struggle, fear and despair.
I want to acknowledge your courage in making this decision to start exploring this new way of looking at the adversities in your life. Each small step that you take in changing your perspectives will reap tremendous benefit for your mental and emotional well-being. If you would like to explore further ways to change your perspectives, we would be more than happy to support you. Contact us here!
Closed doors
What is your beginning? The obvious and most logical answer is the day that you were born. This is not a trick question. My intention in asking this question is for you to reflect if you can pinpoint a time in your life when you felt that it was indeed a new beginning, a new chapter in your life. Perhaps, it was the day you became a teenager or when you graduated from high school. That moment when you received your first job offer. or when you knelt down and proposed to your girlfriend.
We all have different definitions of our beginnings. One (or shall I say three?) of my most impactful beginnings was when I became a mother to my 3 amazing children. Each beginning was unique and memorable. These beginnings have also shaped me into who I am today. As for my coaching journey, my beginning occurred when I took the leap of faith to start my coach training. My journey as a coach has enabled me to fully understand and know myself. I have also been privileged and honoured to have formed many strong relationships with fellow coaches around the world where we continually support one another in our respective coaching journeys. Do I wish I could turn back time? Not for these events in my life but yes, there are other events in my life where I wish I was wiser and made better choices. However, just as we all have our beginnings, it is not humanly possible to turn back time to the source, the catalyst that propelled us to where we are now.
“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.”
Do we linger on, looking at the closed doors in our lives? Do we let these closed doors hold us back from exploring other doors that are wide open? We may be too focused on the closed doors that we do not even notice the opportunities and possibilities in our lives.
What are your closed doors? Was it that harsh comment made by your father when you didn’t meet his expectations as a 10-year-old boy? Was it when you received critical feedback about your job performance from your manager? Was it when you didn’t obtain the promotion that you worked so hard for?
What can you do to move forward, turn away from these closed doors and stay resilient to search and be open to new opportunities? You are no longer that 10-year-old boy. Your past need not determine your present moments and your future days. You do not have to be “stuck” with your past and limiting beliefs.
Photo by Gabriele Stravinskaite on Unsplash
You can decide how you will deal with the critical feedback or missed promotion, either to dwell on it and let your emotions and morale spiral downwards or to reflect on it and choose to find ways to improve your future performance. Ask yourself these questions to change your perspectives:
1) What can I learn from this?
2) What can I be grateful for in this situation?
3) What will happen if I continue in this perspective?
4) What am I not seeing or acknowledging?
5) What can I do in the next few days, few weeks, months to change my current situation?
If any of these questions inspire you to move away from your closed doors and towards new possibilities and new perspectives, contact us today to explore these questions further and uncover ground-breaking truths to start living an intentional and purposeful life!