An Attitude of Acceptance
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash
“Ask the river, where it comes from? You will get no answer. Ask the river, where is it going? You will get no answer, because the river lives inside this very moment; neither in the past nor in the future, in this very moment only!”
Following on from my blog post last week on letting go, I’ve been reflecting on my own thoughts and behaviours towards a difficult personal situation in my life which involved dealing with an individual who overstepped boundaries. I must admit it has been difficult to sit with my emotions and make firm decisions to see things through. I felt hurt, angry and frustrated, to the point that I can’t seem to find a way out. The quote above resonated with me. It’s not the “river” I asked but God. He appeared silent. No answer. What do I need to do to find a solution? No answer. What do you want me to learn from this? No answer. Where is the justice in all this? No answer. How long will this last? No answer. I wrestled with God, to the point of demanding answers, bargaining with Him and just crying out as I was at my wits’ end.
Then, I just accepted the situation. By acceptance, I don’t mean a feeling of resignation and defeat. I just came to a point where I told myself, “I’ve done all that I can to make the situation better. I know that I am not in the wrong. My conscience is clear and my integrity is intact. I can do nothing more now.”
Surprisingly, just by saying that aloud and even now as I type these words, the feeling is liberating. I feel lighter, as though a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I still don’t know the outcome if I will ever be vindicated. However, the realisation that came to me when I accepted the situation is that there are lessons for growth to be learnt. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and mulling about why this is happening to me, I decided to take a step back and ask myself the following questions:
How has this experience changed me?
What has this experience taught me?
How has the experience equipped me to handle similar situations in the future?
What have I learnt as a lesson of growth from this experience?
Photo by Florian van Schreven on Unsplash
This experience has changed me in that it has increased my self-confidence. I now know that I have a stronger inner resolve and wisdom to face this situation and similar situations in the future and still come out of it still honouring God with my words and actions.
It has taught me that I am prone to be critical of myself when unfavourable circumstances arise. I have a tendency towards self-blame, taking on too much responsibility of the actions of others. Does this behaviour serve me in any way? Of course not! It has made me realise that I am not responsible for causing anyone else to behave in a certain way. They are perfectly capable of managing their own emotions. If they fail to do so and behave negatively, I am not to be blamed.
What is my lesson of growth? I believe it’s to continue to trust in God and His promises despite not knowing the answers. It’s to be comfortable with the unknowns while resting on the truth that He loves me and all is still within His control, even if I don’t see or feel it.
It reminds me of the times when I woke up from nightmares as a child. My first urge was to run to my parents’ bedroom to wake them up but as I grew older, the fact that I knew that they were in the room next to mine gave me comfort. I didn’t need to see or hear them. Similarly, I know that God has not abandoned me and I draw strength from the many times in the past that He has seen me through difficult times in my life.
What can you do when you face adversities and circumstances that shake you to the core? How does adopting an attitude of acceptance help you? Jack Welch, CEO of General Electric, said, “Face reality as it is, not as it was or as you wish it to be.” I would add that with this state of acceptance in facing reality as it is, your mind becomes clearer when figuring out the solutions to the circumstances. You are not dwelling on the past on how good things were back then. You are also not distracted by the uncertainties and fears of what the future holds. You are fully present to look at reality as it stands now.
It may be helpful for you to consider the four questions I posed in this blog post. These questions will prompt you to reflect and go deep within yourself to consider your inner strengths and resources to emerge from the adversities stronger than before they occurred in your life. These questions will also help you look at the difficult situation in your life from a different perspective - one of discovery, learning and growing as opposed to one of struggle, fear and despair.
I want to acknowledge your courage in making this decision to start exploring this new way of looking at the adversities in your life. Each small step that you take in changing your perspectives will reap tremendous benefit for your mental and emotional well-being. If you would like to explore further ways to change your perspectives, we would be more than happy to support you. Contact us here!
