Push or Pull?
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.”
Photo by Meritt Thomas on Unsplash
As you think about the tasks on your to-do list today, which ones excite you and which ones make you feel dread and apprehension? What items on your to-do list have the “pull” factor, the ones that you are eager to get to? Which ones feel heavy, requiring that extra “push” from you to get it off your list?
Here’s my take on some of my tasks that fall within either of these two categories of push and pull:
Reading a 200-page document and producing a 10 page summary from it. Push! Although I have the requisite skills from my legal training to do this, this task doesn’t give me any joy.
Doing the laundry. Push! I know it is something that needs to be done but hey, if I can pay someone else to do it for me, I would!
Helping my daughters with their homework. This needs a bit more thought. On the one hand, it can be a pull for me as I’ll have the opportunity to interact with my daughters. However, it can also be a push especially when their requests for help come at a time when I’m having a busy day.
Writing my blogs. Definitely a pull! I enjoy putting my thoughts on paper (or in this case, on my website) as it is a creative outlet for me and I know I’m sharing value with you, my readers.
Watching a sitcom. Pull, although I know I can use my time more productively but I also need downtime to unwind and laugh.
When you look at the list of things below, how would you categorise them?
Which ones are “push or “pull” for you?
Having your performance review conversation with your manager or if you are the manager, conducting that conversation with your direct report.
Working on a solution to an important project for the company.
Giving a presentation to an audience of 100 people.
Planning your 2-weeks’ vacation and actually taking it!
Cleaning the backyard.
Teaching your son how to drive a car.
Hosting a dinner party.
Visiting your parents and helping them set up their new computer.
Each of us will have different answers to these tasks because we are all wired differently. Some people will be excited about presenting in front of a large audience but there will be others who prefer to visit the dentist for a filling instead of giving that presentation.
Once you have decided that the items on your to-do list are non-negotiables which means that they will need to be carried out today, how do you shift your thinking around those items with the “push” factor to be more appealing to you? What can you do to increase their “pull” towards you?
Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash
Let’s take the work-related tasks. Performance review conversations, asking for a salary increment or a promotion, having a dialogue with a difficult co-worker - if these represent a “push” feeling for you, how do you look at them differently?
Consider your purpose and intention behind each task.
What do you want to get out of it? It is definitely more obvious for situations such as asking for a raise or a promotion but ask yourself, what’s the real reason for asking for the raise - is it just the money or is there something more to be considered? What does the raise or promotion signify in your life? Focus on the deeper reason and that will give you the energy needed to look at the tasks differently. If you are clear on why you want the raise, you will be able to articulate your thoughts better and even feel excited to ask for it. As for the performance review conversations and other types of difficult conversations, again, get clear on your reasons for having these conversations. Focus on the desired outcomes and also be clear on what you can or cannot compromise.
Take steps to make it “lighter”.
What small steps can you take to make the situation lighter and more appealing? For most of us, it’s a no-brainer that taking a vacation is a pull for us! However, if you are running your own business or in senior management with huge responsibilities, taking a 2-weeks’ vacation may be a “push” for you. It is hard for you to let go and give yourself a break. Think about the arrangements you can take to delegate your responsibilities, manage expectations of others and reschedule commitments. Once you have done what you can to facilitate your vacation, take your vacation and allow yourself to enjoy, rest and recharge. You deserve it! If your take on household chores is a “push”, think about how you can make these chores more attractive to you. Perhaps, it’s to elicit the help of your spouse and children or if you can afford it, consider outsourcing! If not, break down the chores into manageable chunks and have little celebrations after you’re done such as a nice cup of coffee, a 10-minutes online shopping spree or just talking a short walk in the park. Think of rewards that you will enjoy at the end of the tasks to give you the “pull’ factor.
Acceptance
By acceptance, I don’t mean a resigned acceptance as in a sense of defeat and heaviness. There will be tasks that are difficult. For example, working on a solution for that major project. It is challenging. Accepting this situation means looking at it as it is, objectively and trusting that you will eventually find a way to handle the situation, whether it’s by your own means or relying on others and available resources. The important thing is not to allow your negative emotions overwhelm you. Yes, the undesirable task has to be carried out. What do you need to do to get started? Draw up a specific plan, consider the people who can help you, leverage on your existing skills (or consider upgrading your skills) and identify available resources. Explore the task at hand with curiosity and consider all avenues without shutting them down at the first instance. Again, acknowledge and celebrate your successes along the way!
If you are currently finding a lot more “push”-like tasks in your daily to-do list and want to shift your perspectives in handling them, reach out to me here today!
Schedule a complimentary 30-minutes call to explore how my coaching can help you address your negative thoughts around those difficult tasks and find strategies to better deal with them.
You don’t have to walk this journey alone.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist
Not Enough Time?
“You don’t build the life you want by saving time. You build the life you want, and then time saves itself. Recognizing that is what makes success possible.”
― Laura Vanderkam, American author
Photo by insung yoon on Unsplash
Not enough time? Ask yourself, “What are my priorities?”
In my Purposeful Women of Faith Circle meeting last month, we shared openly and honestly about our struggles with time management. We all wear many hats - boss, employee, wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend … the list goes on. We only have 24 hours each day. How do we find time to fulfil all our obligations, complete the tasks on our to-do lists and carve out “me time” to rest and recharge? Thinking about it even now is exhausting!
Laura Vanderkam, author of I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time, shared a different perspective of looking at time management in her 2016 Ted talk.
(Send me an email if the video link is not working.)
Our focus is always on time itself or in most cases, the lack of it or how quickly it slips by. Laura shared in this Ted talk that our focus should not be on time but on our priorities. What is important for us that we will set aside time for it? In the example she shared, we may not have 7 hours in the week to train for a triathlon but we will carve out 7 hours the same week to fix the broken water heater which had caused flooding in our house. She said, “We cannot make more time, but time will stretch to accommodate what we choose to put into it.”
Her interviewee said, “Listen Laura, everything I do, every minute I spend, is my choice." And rather than say, "I don't have time to do x, y or z," I'd say, "I don't do x, y or z because it's not a priority." "I don't have time," often means "It's not a priority."”
As we discussed this video in our meeting, these were some of the insights shared:
We, as a family, got together towards the year end and made SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-Bound) goals as individuals and as a family so that we have clear focus throughout the rest of this year.
There is a need to be intentional about making time for the priorities in my life. Otherwise, I run the risk of letting things slide due to fatigue and distractions.
I want to make decisions where my “Yes” and “No” will bring me closer to my goals. I want to be intentional in my thinking and making the best use of my time.
When I look at my to-do list, there are items in there that will never be crossed away. I want to take a cold hard look at them and just remove them from the list. They may not happen now in this phase of my life but it doesn’t mean that they will never happen.
How will my usage of my time serve my higher purpose as a person? Do I make myself a priority or do I neglect to care for myself?
“If you seek tranquillity, do less. Or (more accurately) do what’s essential ... and in the requisite way. Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better. Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquillity. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’”
Laura recommended creating a three-category priority list: career, relationships and self. “Making a three-category list reminds us that there should be something in all three categories. Career, we think about; relationships, self -- not so much. But anyway, just a short list, two to three items in each. Then look out over the whole of the next week, and see where you can plan them in.”
Most of us will find planning and thinking about our careers a natural thing to do given all the objectives setting exercises and performance reviews that we have done in our professional lives. However, do we really plan priorities in our career? More often than not, we are just fighting fire and hurriedly meeting deadlines and expectations imposed on us. As for relationships, do we really plan for time to be spent with our loved ones or do they get our “leftover” time? I believe the category that is often forgotten is self. The aeroplane oxygen mask analogy reminds me that we are to put on our oxygen masks first before we help others put on theirs. We will be of no use to anyone if we don’t look after ourselves. It’s instinctive that we rush to take care of others but if we are running on empty physically, mentally and emotionally, we may do more harm than good.
Depending on your planning style and phase in life, you may be thinking of a daily, weekly or monthly list or even a big picture annual plan. Do what will work best for your circumstances. Ponder on these questions as you contemplate your three-category priority list.
What are the “must-haves” for my three-categories of career, relationships and self?
Why are these priorities important to me?
How do I ensure that they happen?
What might get in the way?
If you desire support in working out your priorities to build a life that you want, reach out to me here to find out more about one-to-one coaching or group coaching if you prefer to gain support from like-minded individuals in a safe and non-judgmental space.
“He who every morning plans the transactions of that day and follows that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life.”
- Victor Hugo, French poet and novelist