Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
“ It’s a very slow process - two steps forward, one step back - but I’m inching in the right direction. ”
Image: Getty
How has your first week of 2021 been? Have you taken down all the Christmas decorations? Were there Christmas decorations put up in the first place? I didn’t decorate my home this year. Perhaps, it was due to my busy schedule and on my “down” days, I just wanted to rest and reconnect with my family.
What about emotionally and mentally? Where are you at this week? Did you make any New Year’s resolutions? Did you see any benefits in making resolutions given that all our plans were suspended, shelved and altered last year? Is your current motto “Go with the flow”? We are all fatigued with having our plans put on hold. How can we remain positive and hopeful? What do you need to focus on to find purpose and direction this year? Are you feeling overwhelmed just by reading these questions?
Why do people make New Year’s resolutions? It’s human nature. The start of a new year signifies hope, new beginnings and the opportunity to press the reset and reboot button. We all want to start over on a fresh page and a clean state. Right our wrongs, aspire to be better. It is also difficult to change our habits and create new ones. When we fail to keep our resolutions, we are discouraged and are more inclined to give up than to pick ourselves up from the setbacks and try again.
There will be setbacks and disappointments. This doesn’t mean that we are not progressing towards our goals. Progress as defined in Collins Dictionary is the process of gradually improving or getting nearer to achieving or completing something. Note the word “gradually”. We don’t get from A to B in the speed of light. It’s a journey - a journey that has you taking two steps forward, one step back. However, as long as you are moving towards the direction of your goals, you are making progress.
As you would know from my earlier blog posts that I have a perfectionist trait (I’m working on being more relaxed about this! Work in progress! 😊). This trait shows up a lot when I parent my children especially when I have them do household chores. I have this urge to meddle and intervene to ensure that the chores are carried out my way. My “one big step back” happened several weeks ago when my youngest daughter was tidying up the dining table after dinner and I noticed she missed cleaning a part of the table. I didn’t even stop to think that she will eventually do so as she may not have noticed that part of the table yet. Instead, I “swooped in” and started to clean the table. What happened next will stay in my mind for a long time. Not a word was spoken by her but it was loud and clear in my daughter’s facial expression that I had hurt her. She just walked away, feeling dejected.
Thankfully, there are also many “two steps forward” experiences in my parenting journey. There was an episode when I asked my elder daughter to change the bedsheets in her room. I was busy with work so I didn’t check on her until several hours later. When I opened her room door, I found her amidst the changed sheets, beaming proudly. She said to me in jest, “See, it’s all done! You didn’t even have to come over to nag me to do it!”
The lesson I learnt from these two incidents is that there will be days when I get it all wrong but the main thing is to be kind to myself and recognise that I am progressing to be a better parent. My children are my greatest teachers! The important thing is not to give up on the progress during the times when I stumble, to remember to pick myself up and keep moving forward.
Photo by Erik Witsoe on Unsplash
What can help you retain that forward-momentum mindset to achieve your goals?
Acknowledge and accept that there will be setbacks
There will be days when you make mistakes at work, say something hurtful to your loved ones, fall off the wagon with your diet and exercise routine or resume an old bad habit. The key thing to remember is not to beat yourself up about it but to learn from the setbacks. Use these lessons to get back on track.
P.S. I have since resisted the urge to intervene when my youngest daughter clears the table after dinner. She was surprised when I didn’t meddle that she came up to me one evening to ask if everything was ok! 😉
Celebrate the successes
Most of us have the tendency to be critical when we make mistakes. Let’s have a perspective shift! Look out for the small victories and celebrate them. If your goal is to speak up more at the workplace, recognise your efforts when you say your piece in a meeting, even if it was only two sentences. You can celebrate in a variety of ways. Some like enjoying a hot cup of coffee (I know I do!) or a nice snack. Some like “me-time” or time with their loved ones. Others may find retail therapy or a Netflix binge session rewarding. Find one that really encourages you to celebrate your successes!
Cement the “Why” of your goals
Consider why you made these goals in the first place. What is their importance to you? What would happen when you achieve them? What will it cost you if you didn’t progress? Visualise what it will look like when you have achieved your goals. If it’s to be promoted at work, visualise what that will look like, how it will make you feel and the impact of this outcome on you and your loved ones. If it’s to reach your ideal weight, visualise what you will look like in your new dress or suit. If it’s to have more work life balance, visualise your ideal day 6 months from now. What are the feelings that come up for you when you have these visualisations? Hold on to them, remember them when things get rough and patchy. Some may find journaling their thoughts and feelings from these visualisations useful. Others may prefer just to share their realisations with a trusted family member or friend. Again, find what works best for you to cement your reasons for wanting to achieve these goals.
I’m happy to support you as your coach to help you cement the “Why” of your goals and to keep progressing towards them. Drop me a note here or reach out to me by clicking on any of the social media icons below. By doing so, you’re taking your two steps forward!
Remember to book your complimentary 30-minutes coaching session here. This is my Christmas gift to each of you for an extended period until 30 January 2021.
“Every choice moves us closer to or farther away from something. Where are your choices taking your life?”
