What’s the Colour of Your Lens?
“We must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world. ”
Photo by Sebastian Coman Travel on Unsplash
I was listening to an interesting conversation which my husband had with my elder daughter several nights ago. She was struggling with a subject that she was not keen on. My husband showed her a glass of water and asked her what she saw. She said, “Daddy, it’s a glass of water.” He then asked her to wear an old pair of orange tinted sunglasses and asked her to look at the glass again. She was reluctant as she didn’t see where this conversation was going. Nevertheless, she decided to humour my husband and play along. My husband showed her the glass of water again and asked her what she saw. Her reply was, “It’s now orange.” My husband said, “Yes, it now looks like orange juice, doesn’t it?” She still didn’t understand the link between the glass of water with her dislike of this particular subject. My husband explained that the water looked like orange juice because she looked through a different coloured lens from her original spectacles. That’s how it is with her view of that subject. If she took the view that it was difficult and that she was never going to master it, it is going to be an uphill task for her to make any progress. However, if she looked at it as a new subject, one that she didn’t take up last year and that all she needs is some time to learn and understand the topics, her learning journey will be more pleasant and engaging. She may even end up enjoying her lessons on this subject!
What came up for you as I recounted this exchange between my husband and my daughter? Have you experienced a similar conversation before? Do you feel stuck in a situation where you are not able to see a way out? Will it help you to have a perspective change to your current circumstances? What’s the colour of your lens?
“What is behind your eyes holds more power than what is in front of them. ”
When something unfortunate happens to you, how do you react? What’s your default response? More often than not, we view the event negatively. For example, your car breaks down and you end up being late for work. You are immediately frustrated and angry. Perhaps, you even blame yourself for not maintaining the car well and would have prevented this outcome. You tell yourself that this is a useless piece of junk and you will never buy this particular car again! You make it to work in a foul mood. The rest of your day progresses horribly with endless unreasonable demands and things going wrong. You go home feeling drained and demotivated.
Is this your reality?
What would your day look like if you reacted differently to the same situation? Instead of feeling frustrated and angry, you calmly accept that your car broke down and make the necessary arrangements to have it repaired. You call your secretary to let her know that you will be late and to have her reschedule some non-urgent meetings. The first thing you do when you reach the office is to adjust and prioritise your to-do list. You’re realistic on what you can reasonably accomplish for the day and do not blame yourself for the unfortunate episode. You take the bus home and find the change of scenery surprisingly refreshing. You are grateful to be able to have dinner with your family and it is a peaceful end to your day.
Is this your reality?
We all desire the second outcome to be our reality. It is difficult to suspend our automatic reaction, slow down and consciously choose a different reaction, one that will serve us better.
Here are 3 simple tips to practise when you next face an unforeseen glitch in your daily life.
PAUSE - Recognise that you are tensing up and feeling negative emotions towards the event. What can you do to stop yourself from being hijacked by your negative emotions? Will taking closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths help? Will moving physically help? Experiment with a few different things and see what works best for you. Once you have identified the action that can help you stop the automatic emotional reaction, keep using and practising it so that it becomes second nature to you the next time you are affected by negative emotions.
ACCEPT - Accept the facts of the situation calmly without judgment and attachment. If your child’s teacher calls you from school to speak about your child’s misdemeanour, don’t overreact and jump to conclusions about the situation. Meet with the teacher and keep an open mind. If you receive a negative performance review from your manager, don’t view it as the “be all and end all” of your career. Accept the feedback constructively and see what you can learn from it to improve yourself.
CONVERT - Once you have stopped the emotional hijack and accepted the situation as it is, what can you do to minimise the damage and improve the situation? Think of ways to convert the situation into a learning experience, a reminder to do things differently and perhaps, even a gift. Admittedly, it takes a lot more mental discipline to view unfortunate events as gifts for you to grow as a person but the gifts are there. You may not see them immediately and it may take a long time before you discover the gifts in difficult circumstances. The main thing is to be open to the possibilities and opportunities this experience has for you. If you reflect on your own life experiences, you will realise that it is during the adverse times in your life that you have grown stronger and wiser as a person.
Take some time to think about the type of lens that you typically view your world through. If you require support to have a change in the colour of your lens, reach out to me here to find out more about my coaching programs.
“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
