The Prosperity in Gratitude
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
Happy Thanksgiving!
We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Singapore. However, my daughters’ school initiated a Thanksgiving Day last Thursday as it was the last day of the school year for them. They had a picnic although it was an odd one. They brought their own sandwiches, biscuits and fruits to school and each ate at their individual desks, due to the ongoing social distancing measures that are in place. My daughters were still thankful as it was a lighter day at school without heavy going lessons and they exchanged small gifts amongst their friends.
I thought it would be apt to write a post on gratitude and giving thanks. This is the time of year when we give thanks. It's the time when we look around our lives and feel grateful for all that we have. Our families, friends, and all of the love in our lives. We are grateful for the work that we do. We look to see the silver lining in all of our difficult situations, and feel grateful for the opportunity to learn so much from. Did you notice how abundant you felt when you were standing in place of all of that gratitude?
Gratitude is a powerful thing to exercise when we are looking to create more abundance in our lives. Why? As we focus on all that we are grateful for, we begin to feel more abundant and contented. As we focus on what we have, it shifts our perspective from a place of scarcity to a place of abundance. As we focus on our joy, we eventually end up creating more of it in our lives. Likewise, as we focus on love, we feel grateful for all the love that is in our lives and want to share that love with others.
When you create from a place of love, your life will become more joyous and richer.
The question is, "It's Thanksgiving, but shouldn't we practice gratitude all of the time?" The answer is yes! Especially if you would like to create more joy, peace, and prosperity in your life.
“Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.”
- John Wooden, American basketball coach
Integrating Gratitude into Your Life
When things are going well
It’s easier to be grateful when things are going well in your life. That being said, many of my clients find it difficult to be grateful for their accomplishments, their successes and the blessings in their lives. It’s not that they don’t want to. Often, it’s because they feel that they didn’t deserve them and it was due to luck or someone else’s assistance. They don’t believe the events were important enough to warrant making such a big fuss about them. They may also be sub-consciously worried that if they attach too much importance or attention to these events, they might be taken away from them, that something bad might happen just around the corner. I help my client to truly appreciate what they have in the present moment. We work together to address the limiting and unhealthy beliefs that they have. These beliefs could have come from past experiences in their lives - how they were brought up, painful life experiences, something someone said to them - the list goes on. The main thing is to recognise what happened in the past does not affect the gratitude that you feel for the present events. I encourage my clients to sit with their feelings of gratitude when they first feel them, not to shrug them away or move to the next feeling or thing to do. Just to sit and embrace the emotion and feel all the sensations that it brings to the body. It’s like taking the time to enjoy your ice cream and all the taste sensations instead of worrying about how quickly it’s melting or where you have to run off to! Enjoy your ice cream!
When things are not going well
Admittedly, this is the hardest time to feel grateful. My personal practice is to appreciate the lessons I’m learning from the difficult situations in my life. I believe, as a Christian, God is allowing these situations to enable me to grow in areas of my life which need attention. For example, I have a difficult person in my life whom I interact with often. Removing that person from my life is not possible. I learnt to be grateful for the lessons of patience and empathy in this relationship. On the days when my cup is full, when I have taken good care of myself, it’s easy to see these lessons and be grateful for them. On days when I am stressed, worn out and running on empty, it’s much easier to wallow in self-pity, feel frustrated and angry. However, I reflect in my gratitude journal at the end of those days of the lessons learnt. For certain situations, the lessons or the gifts will not be apparent until years down the road. It’s important to remember that you are doing the best that you can in the present moment as you are only human. Also remember that you are not alone and if you reach out for help and support, there will always be someone in your life for this season of need.
When you just don’t feel grateful
There are days when you just don’t feel grateful. It’s not that you are going through a difficult time. You’re probably having a normal day with nothing special happening. Here are some suggestions on growing your gratitude muscles for such days.
Look for what you want to see vs. what you don't want to see. Too often we go about our day waiting and expecting awful things to happen, or we expect to be disappointed. Seek out things that you want to focus on - the good and positive things. If you are thinking of buying a red car, chances are you will see red cars everywhere! What you put your mind’s focus on, the more likely you are going to attract it.
Appreciate and be grateful for something about you. Be grateful that you have a beautiful smile and a heart of gold. Be grateful that you are a savvy business person, or that you are inventive or intuitive. Be grateful that you are a wonderful parent. Be grateful that you are not perfect. Choose one thing about yourself that you are grateful today!
If it's difficult to find something to be grateful about yourself, start by looking around your world and appreciating that. The snow, the leaves, the sun. Look for beauty in your life. Focus on the penny that you do have vs. the one that you don't.
I wish each of you a very blessed Thanksgiving and a festive celebration session as we draw near to the close of this year. May you always be surrounded by people who love you and experience the warmth of their presence with you. If you want to explore coaching and discover how I can support you, you can reach out to me here.
“Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.”
- Doris Day, American actress
Creating the Best Year of Your Life
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
As we look back at this year, a lot of us feel that we didn’t accomplish much. It’s like Groundhog Day with more restrictions, more uncertainties and less direction than what we were facing last year. Many of us feel that we are languishing rather than flourishing. What can we do to end this year well and set the right intentions for next year?
The following questions can be looked at once a year, once a month or whenever you're looking for some direction in your life. I invite you to take a good hard look at your life more than once a year.
You'll get a lot more out of your life if you're more intentional about the life that you're living.
These questions are designed to help you to reflect on your accomplishments this year and to formulate the new year from a clean slate. By working on the following questions, you will complete this year powerfully so you can have the “mind space” to build your masterplan for the new year.
Looking at this year:
1. What do I want to be acknowledged for?
2. What did I accomplish?
3. What did I want to accomplish that I did not accomplish? (Do I still want to do this?)
4. What did I say I would do that I didn't do? (Do I still want to do this?)
5. Who do I need to be in communication with?
6. What were my biggest disappointments?
7. What did I learn? - List 3 lessons which will make the most difference if you remember them this year?
(See them as guidelines for next year).
Changing patterns:
1. How do you limit yourself and how can you transform these actions to be powerful?
2. What do you say to yourself to explain your failures? (These false beliefs are your limiting paradigm).
3. List your limiting paradigm.
4. What new paradigm do you want to shift into? (Ideally, your new paradigm is personal, positive, in the present tense and clearly stated, pointing to an exciting and hopeful future)
5. Consider living out your new paradigm daily. Write it down in a place where you can see it often. Read your new paradigm aloud first thing in the morning and before going to bed each day.
Looking ahead:
1. What are your personal values? What is most important to you in your life? What drives you?
2. What roles do you play in your life? Rate each role on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the most important.
3. Where is your life out of balance? If you could put one problem behind you, once and for all, what would it be?
4. Which role is your major focus for next year? (In what role do you want a breakthrough performance? If you could put a check mark by one of these roles at the end of next year showing that you felt good about how you are playing that role, which one would it be?)
5. What are your goals for each role?
The following is an excerpt from Michael Hyatt’s book titled “Your Best Year Ever: A 5-Step Plan for Achieving Your Most Important Goals:
“1. Set Your Goals Set seven to ten goals you want to achieve for the year. Make them SMARTER: ‣ Specific ‣ Measurable ‣ Actionable ‣ Risky ‣ Time-keyed ‣ Exciting ‣ Relevant Make sure you focus on the Life Domains where you need to see improvement. List just a few per quarter; that way you can concentrate your attention and keep a steady pace throughout the year.
2. Decide on the Right Mix of Achievements and Habits. Achievement goals represent one-time accomplishments. Habit goals represent new regular, ongoing activity. Both are helpful for designing your best year ever, but you need to decide on the right balance for your individual needs. The only right answer is the one that works for you.
3. Set Goals in the Discomfort Zone The best things in life usually happen when we stretch ourselves and grow. That’s definitely true for our designing our best year ever. But it runs counter to our instincts, doesn’t it? Follow these four steps to overcome the resistance: Acknowledge the value of getting outside your Comfort Zone. It all starts with a shift in your thinking. Once you accept the value of discomfort, it’s a lot easier going forward. Lean into the experience. Most of the resistance is in our minds, but we need more than a shift in thinking. By leaning in, we’re also shifting our wills. Notice your fear. Negative emotions are sure to well up. Don’t ignore them. Instead, objectify them and compare the feelings to what you want to accomplish. Is the reward greater than the fear? Don’t overthink it. Analysis paralysis is real. But you don’t need to see the end from the beginning or know exactly how a goal will play out. All you need is clarity on your next step.”
“Is this next year just going to be another year, not that different from the rest, or are you going to make this your breakthrough year?”
-Michael Hyatt
Let’s work together to get that clarity on your next step and start walking towards your breakthrough year.
Speak to me before 15 Dec for a special price of my coaching program.
I Can Do It All
“Knowing your limits is a strength, not a weakness.”
“I can do it all!”
Or so I thought. I injured my elbow last week when I was lifting heavy objects as part of my frenzied cleaning tasks at home. Why frenzied and why did I try to stretch my weight lifting capabilities? Well, it’s because I had a very busy schedule that day and I wanted to pack in as much as I can so I ignored the warning signs that my body was telling me and pressed on. The next day, my bed gave way! The support of the bed shifted so it needed to be adjusted. I asked my son to help me lift the king-sized mattress and I adjusted the plank. He wasn’t too keen and asked me to wait for my husband to return from work as it would take more than 2 people to do the job. I didn’t listen to him, given my stubborn “controller” trait so we went ahead to sort it out ourselves. We successfully fixed my bed but as a result, I have a very painful and sore elbow which I am still slowly recovering from today. Sigh…
The above quote intrigued me. How often do we read in social media to not limit ourselves? To push forward at all costs to reach our goals and dreams? I’m guilty of saying this too as I believe that when you are passionate about something and you know it’s what you’re meant to do, you are to go all out to achieve it. That being said, my physical setback has caused me to reflect deeper on what it means to recognise your limits. There is a difference in pushing yourself outside your comfort zone (which I strongly encourage all my clients to do and I’m also personally challenging myself in this area) and recklessly and blindly pushing forward towards your goals without considering the negative impact it may have on yourself and others.
“You got to know your limits. Once is enough, but you got to learn. A little caution never hurt anyone. A good woodsman has only one scar on him. No more, no less.”
— Haruki Murakami, Japanese author
What did my injury teach me? On a practical note, it is definitely essential to not rush around carrying heavy objects without being careful of your posture and to know your physical limitations. On a more reflective note, I learnt that:
The Controller is not my friend
I had let my controller saboteur get the better of me. I went ahead with fixing my bed without considering how it would aggravate my injury further. Why did I do it? I told myself that it’s because I didn’t want to trouble my husband with it after his long day at work. However, when I made myself confront this thought truthfully, I know it’s because I am stubborn and wanted to prove to myself and perhaps to my husband and son that I can do it, that I am strong enough as a woman to do a physical task most people would think as more suited for men. I wanted to control the situation and the outcome. Fix the bed when I want it and how I want it. In hindsight, this was a foolish move.
How often do we let our saboteurs get the better of our rational mind and reasoning? How many times has the hyper achiever in us told us to burn the midnight oil, keep doing more and doing better over and over again when everyone else thinks you are amazing? Somehow, you don’t think you are enough. How often has our restless nature caused us to chase projects after projects, jobs after jobs, relationships after relationships, just because we feel that we may be losing out if we “settle”? Is the grass always greener at the other side of the fence? Do we slow down enough to appreciate our own lawn and to take care of it?
My lesson from this is to stop doing what I am doing immediately when my saboteurs show up and do my PQ (positive intelligence) reps. Just slow down, get centred then assess the situation. Do I really need to carry on doing and reacting the same way? More often than not, when you are calmer and are able to look at the situation objectively, you will find a more viable solution or approach to your situation.
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness
As I had to rest my elbow, I couldn’t do all the household chores so I needed to ask my husband and children to do more of their usual share. In the beginning, I didn’t want to do so. Somehow, asking them to help me made me feel weak. However, I knew that if I carried on being this stubborn, my recovery will take so much longer so I started asking for their help. It made me realise that asking for help is a strength. It’s my realisation that I cannot do it all by myself and that’s perfectly fine. Life is not meant to be lived that way. When I see my kids support me with their help, I know that I have allowed them to show their love, care and concern for me and that makes them feel good as well. Coincidentally, I coached a woman last week who also faced issues with asking for help and I offered her this perspective that she is not weak if she asks for help. In a way, she is empowering her team when she seeks their support as they will know that she values their individual capabilities and contribution. By allowing them to show up and help her achieve the common goals of the team, that will strengthen their team cohesion and bond. Asking for help is a sign of strength…think about it.
Rest is not laziness
I feel that way so many times this week. I know intellectually that I needed to rest but a part of me chided me in that by resting and letting others help me, I am being lazy. That is definitely not a helpful voice to listen to. What did I do instead? I chose to believe that I needed to rest as that is for my own good and that I will recover better and faster. Rest is also good for me mentally and emotionally as I cannot be working and doing things for others all the time. If I don’t take care of myself, who will? When I “break down”, how will that affect those who love me and who depend on me? I made sure I took breaks away from typing on my laptop and doing my gentle elbow stretches. I was intentional in enjoying whatever is happening in the moment and not keep jumping ahead of myself to think of completing the items on my to-do list. I was present and I was content even when my elbow hurt. My injury has really gotten me to slow down. Lesson learnt the hard way for me!
What are your thoughts on rest? Do you see it as being indulgent and lazy?
Do you struggle with being overcome by your saboteur thoughts? Perhaps, you don’t even realise that your thoughts are sabotaging you. You may think it’s just how you think. Do you find it difficult to slow down or change course to something that has more meaning in your life? Do you feel that you need to be strong all the time? Are you worried that you will be found out by others when they realise that you’re not?
Let’s have a chat about this - you can book my time here.
“Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new.”
- Barack Obama, former U.S. President
Stop Procrastinating
“Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.”
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
My older two children have a tendency to hold off doing their homework and assignments for as long as they can. My son’s rationale is as long as it’s done, there isn’t any issue. My daughter just doesn’t enjoy doing things that she must do first over doing the things she enjoys doing. I can relate to her. If you have read my earlier blog post in April, Push or Pull, you’ll know that I do not enjoy doing laundry but I get it done and reward myself afterwards.
Procrastination is like an ‘invisible force’ that keeps you from doing the very things you know you must do. With the increasing demands on our time and attention, there seems to be an increase in procrastination as a chronic problem, especially amongst those people that want to succeed the most.
Procrastination usually sets in when you feel overwhelmed by all the ‘have to’s’ in life and instead of making steady progress, you take on too much without ever getting any of it done. This makes you feel out of control, that you have lost your power to shape and direct your life. It is true that there are many things over which you have no control, but you always have full control over what really happens to you – and what really happens to you is a mental process independent of the circumstances and events of the outside world. Being empowered means that you realize that you already have the power and this realization also gives you the ability to take action.
The next time you have to deal with procrastination, consider the following statements and see if they help you:
It’s All Inside
Procrastination is an internal process and although it might feel like it is something happening to you, you are actually responsible for it. This view of procrastination can help to put you back in control almost immediately as you now realise that because you are responsible for it, you can change the way you approach procrastination. Procrastination is not an external force, but an internal response and evaluation. The simple realization that it’s ‘you’ doing it to ‘you’, gives you the power to do something about it.
It’s All You
When procrastination drags you down, it is all too easy to think that ‘it just is’ and that you can’t do anything about it. Although it feels like you have no control, you actually do. In fact, this is why you feel out of control – because you believe that you can’t do anything about it. There are two very important beliefs you need to develop to help you break free from procrastination. The first is that you CAN overcome procrastination and the second is that YOU can overcome procrastination. No one else can do it for you and because you created it, you can un-create it.
“A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.”
- Hunter S. Thompson, American journalist
It’s All in Your Head:
The reason why most people remain stuck in patterns of procrastination is because of fear. At the most fundamental level, all forms of procrastination come down to fear. What you don’t face controls you. To overcome the fear and the procrastination that comes with it, you need to confront and do the very things you don’t want to do. The instant you do, you take charge and it no longer has any control over you. The ironic thing is that fear only exists in your imagination – it’s always something that hasn’t happened yet. Procrastination is not real – it’s only the way you evaluate things in your mind. I encourage you to read the late Susan Jeffers’ book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. There are great insights in that book to help you take the steps you need to face your fears. One of which is as long as you are growing or doing something new, there will always be fear. This fear will not go away no matter how long you wait. The more you face your fears, the higher your confidence level will be and you will feel liberated and empowered.
It’s All about Conditioning
Success at anything in life relies on consistency. Those who excel in their achievements are those who are consistent in their thinking and actions. The way you get consistent is through conditioning. Your nervous system operates through conditioning. When you do something over and over again, it becomes ‘normal’ and when it’s normal you don’t have to think about it – it becomes automatic. The challenge is that this principle works both ways. Whether your conditioned responses support you or whether it pulls you down, your nervous system does not make that distinction. If procrastination is your conditioned response, you will always feel out of control, simply because that’s what you’ve ‘learned’ to do automatically. You simply need to ‘recondition’ yourself to a new response; to teach yourself to respond in a different way. That takes awareness and a commitment to learn a new way to respond to your situations.
It’s All about Awareness
Procrastination does serve a purpose - and a very important one as such, but only if you are aware of the benefits. We only procrastinate about those things that have value to us. At some level, either directly or indirectly, you believe that taking action will benefit you. If it didn’t, it would not bother you, right? Be grateful for procrastination and use it as a guide to ‘know’ what you need to act upon. Being aware of this fact, and developing an awareness for what you do and fail to do can empower you to be in charge of yourself on a much higher level.
When you are empowered, you are in charge, and even if things seem to go wrong on the surface, underneath you know that you have the power to deal with it effectively. Procrastination is disempowering and it takes away your ability to take immediate action and deal with any situation. Know what fears hold you back and be empowered to make the choices to face those fears!
If you are struggling with procrastination and facing your fears, schedule a complimentary 30-minutes discovery call with me here to discuss how I can support you as your coach.
““Don’t let procrastination take over your life. Be brave and take risks. Your life is happening right now.””
I’m so excited to let all you know that it’s back - for the second year in a row!!
Introducing the Amplify DEI Summit 2021: Leadership Edition!
With an epic line-up of 70+ international expert speakers sharing their insights, knowledge, and experiences based on years of experience in the field, this summit was created to help you amplify Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in your company.
The summit kicks off on September 27th, and it’s going to be 3 action-packed days that you won’t want to miss.
Click my speaker link here to learn more and get your ticket. Who’s excited?!
Stress Busters
“Breath is the power behind all things...I breathe in and know that good things will happen.”
My peer coach and I recently discussed the importance of understanding the words we use. For example, when we were both talking about stress, we discovered that the word “stress” meant very different things to each of us. For me, being stressed meant that I felt overwhelmed with too many obligations pulling me in different directions all at once. For her, stress meant not knowing what lies ahead. The uncertainty of the unknown brings up the feeling of stress in her.
When you think of stress, what does it mean for you?
An excerpt from the definition of stress from the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary is “the overpowering pressure of some adverse force or influence”. When you are stressed, do you feel overpowered, unable to think properly or manage your emotions well? Do you feel overwhelmed like me?
Stress often manifests in us when we carry over yesterday’s concerns into our “todays”. An accumulation of this act of carrying over will almost always end up creating a high stress level situation for us. What can we do to let go of our stressful feelings and not let them overshadow our untainted present moments?
“Every day brings a choice:
To practise stress or to practise peace.”
– Joan Borysenko, American actress
Stress Busting Tip #1
Slowing down and being mindful of my breathing has always calmed me.
Experiment with this simple practice of taking deep breaths.
Resolve right now to release every thought from yesterday and be only mindful of the now…. this thought only...this breath...this moment. Take in three very deep breaths and slowly release each one.
At the same time, feel each and every concern, each and every problem, and each and every unresolved moment, begin to dissolve. You can deal with them at a later time. For now, you are only to be in this very moment.
Now go to your inner quiet place. Go deep inside to a place where you feel that you are at peace and then just relax and breathe in deeply and enjoy the feeling of being at one and at peace within yourself.
Use this special time and place to be calm. Free your mind and body of all worry, all regret, all disappointment, all anger and grief. Just enjoy this moment.
Stress Busting Tip #2
Next, think of one particular act, such as rocking your baby, taking a quick stroll, tending to your garden or listening to your favourite song. Commit to yourself to do that one simple thing every day. For me, it’s enjoying my morning coffee in the quiet of the morning when everyone is still asleep.
Practice this act of quiet and calm each day and you will see that you will regain your mental focus and inner peace. At the first sign of being stressed, recollect your feelings when you were doing this one simple thing that nourished you. Pause and take those deep breaths. Remember that if you don’t look after yourself, you will not be able to look after anyone else.
Stress Busting Tip #3
The very best thing that you can do for yourself is to eat, drink and rest – to your physical and mental health!
Stress is easily brought on by not eating and drinking properly. When you don’t get the number of hours of sleep that you need each night, you are only setting yourself up for additional stress.
Limit the amount of salt, sugar, caffeine and alcohol in your diet. [I limit my coffee intake to twice a day and am working to reduce it further.] Drink plenty of water each day and do at least some moderate exercises each day.
Apart from physical nourishment and rest, remember to nourish your soul too. Find moments of laughter in your day. It is food for the soul! I play with my daughters and we laugh a lot during our times together.
It all stems from your understanding of a balanced life. What does that look like to you? Is it to have more time at home with the family? Is it to pursue the next advancement in your career? Is it to volunteer more to help your community? Is it to have more time for yourself? Regardless of how you define your balanced life, it is important to remember that in every situation, you have a choice. The choices may be obvious in some circumstances and unseen in others but they are always there. Once you are aware that you have choices, you do not feel as helpless as before.
When you are living a balanced life and find fulfilment and contentment in your “todays”, the daily stresses will pale in comparison. Identify the particular stressors in your life. See if you can do anything to change the circumstances. If you cannot do so, what can you change or shift in your thoughts about the situation? Resilience comes from re-evaluating a situation from a positive angle rather than focusing on the negative aspects of it. Focus on what you can change and start taking small steps to implement those changes, even if it means just starting to look at your situation from a different perspective.
If you are having difficulties dealing with the stresses in your life and feel alone in your circumstances, accept my invitation to join my group coaching intake this month where a small group of 4 to 5 individuals will meet fortnightly to receive coaching on improving their resilience towards their daily stressors. Find support and encouragement from me and from your peers. To take up this offer, please book a complimentary 30-minutes call with me to find out more.
“Adversity is a call to action, and your freedom lies in taking the first step. Don't worry about the entire staircase, just take one step, and then tomorrow take another.”
– Kris Carr, American author
The Early Bird vs. The Night Owl
“When I wake up, I am reborn.”
My husband and I have been staying up late on Friday and weekend nights watching television. It’s our way to unwind after our respective busy work days. Our late nights have made me think about the impact of sleeping late and waking up late as well. I know the importance of sleep has been researched, discussed and expounded extensively over the years. I just want to touch on the aspect of sleep from the perspective of “birds”, namely the early bird and the night owl. There are those who are capable of rising with the birds, and others who rather be known as the “night-owl”. These people are distinguished with two different names because they function best at different times of the day.
If you’re a morning bird, you’ll always be awake in the morning to coo when the light comes from the east, but you’ll be dead asleep as the west consumes that light. An owl will never coo at sunrise because they’re always too busy sleeping. They don’t cherish the sun because it interrupts their slumber.
I’m more of a morning person and I enjoy the quiet of the morning when everyone else is asleep. It gives me this sense of peace and anticipation for what lies ahead in a fresh new day. My youngest daughter shares this trait with me whereas my husband, my son and my elder daughter are all more of night owls.
Seeing an early bird rise will annoy the owl as it tucks its feathers tightly over its beak. When the early bird watches the owl sway hypnotically in their sleep, they’ll always feel frustration and angst towards the owl since they’ll never be awake in the morning with everyone else. I can empathise with the early bird as I have felt frustrated when I wanted everyone else to be up to start their day and get things done.
The reality at the end of the day is that humans aren’t owls. We can’t be nocturnal creatures because that’s not how we were made to be. To live a healthy life, we need to embrace the early start of our days.
“If you want to be the best, you can’t take the path of least resistance. Every morning, you wake up, and your mind tells you it’s too early, and your body tells you you’re a little too sore, but you’ve got to look deep within yourself and know what you want and what you’re striving for”
― Antonio Brown, American football player
What are some of the ways that we can implement in our daily routines to enable us to wake up early? The quote above by Antonio Brown serves as a reminder to know our reason for wanting to wake up early. Once we know why we want to do so, we are better able to stay focused and committed to our early rising routines
Sleeping Material
Is your bed comfortable? You may have had it for a long time. And yes, that evidently makes the bed a familiar feeling but in truth, is it comfortable? Also look at the pillow type you have. There are definitely different pillow types since everyone sleeps in a different position. Some people sleep upright just like any proper princess would, others tend to sleep on their sides. Some people even admittedly, sleep with their face inside the pillow. There’s a specific pillow for all these sleeping positions including ergonomic neck pillows and stiff pillows for strained necks. Once you experience good sound sleep, you’ll feel more rested and refreshed with each awakening, creating a positive cycle to awake early day after day.
Sleeping Earlier
Always keep this in mind. The math behind waking up early comes from a nice long night of sleep that started early. You must give up late nights in order to wake up feeling fresh and productive. This doesn’t mean that my husband and I have to cease watching our favourite tv shows but we will have to be disciplined to watch only selective shows and turn in at a designated time every night. Phones, computers and tablets shouldn’t be near you to tempt you when you try to go to sleep. A dark or dimly lit room with no blue lights to keep you up should be where you sleep.
Use Sunlight To Wake Up
The light around you is very important. It is important to let natural light into your room. As soon as you can after you wake up, head out for some natural sunlight. I love to spend some time in my front porch during my quiet mornings with my coffee and just enjoying the morning sunlight and the fresh air.
Use A Friendlier Alarm Clock
Almost every day is another day where you want to strangle your alarm clock. Everyone can surely relate to that, but then again, the alarm clock is only doing its job. Choose one with your favourite tune or soothing tone. If you’re using your mobile phone as your alarm clock, it will be even easier to customise the alarm tone that will set you in the right mood when you wake up. Remember, don’t hit the snooze button!
Keep Yourself Awake
The next step after you’ve woken up is to keep yourself up and running, not collapsing onto the couch or dozing off over the kitchen table during breakfast. There are multiple things you can do here to ensure you’re up and ready for the day. Taking a shower or at least washing your face with cold water is a good idea. The touch of cold water will ironically unfreeze your tired mind. Rather than having a warm drink in the morning, kick the day off with a cup of cool water to jump start your body. I must admit that my go-to drink is still my cup of coffee but I make it a point to drink water from my water bottle which I keep on my bedside table before I do anything else.
The only way you can make space for the proper amount of sleep is by creating a suitable routine for yourself. This routine also has to energise and motivate you to stick with it. Perhaps, one motivational thought is to think of all the extra time you will gain as a result of starting your day early. It seems unfair at times to think that your late nights are being taken away from you by the morning, but they don’t always have to go. Once you have developed a steady and realistic routine that you remain committed to, you can enjoy occasional nights of staying up late with your favourite night owl!
If this topic of having better sleep practices and routines is something that you would like to explore further, please reach out to me here. Let’s work together to create the routines that will work for you in the long run!
”I never knew a man come to greatness or eminence who lay abed late in the morning.”
― Jonathan Swift, Irish satirist
Deja Vu
“Déjà vu is more than a fleeting moment of surprise, instantly forgotten because we never bother with things that make no sense. It shows that time doesn’t pass. It’s a leap into something we have already experienced and that is being repeated.”
Photo by Dzmitry Dudov (Dead__Angel_) on Unsplash
Deja vu - it’s the strange feeling that you have when you feel that you have already experienced what is happening to you now. The hairs at the back of your neck stand and you feel a chill. It has happened to me several times in my life and I don’t have any explanation for it. I recall situations and conversations like a memory even though I know factually, they have never happened before.
Anyway, I’m not writing about the unexplained phenomenon of deja vu here. Rather, the word aptly describes how I feel right now about the restrictions imposed on us in Singapore to cope with the surge of the community spread of the Covid-19 virus. It’s deja vu for me as the same thing happened to all of us in May 2020 when Circuit Breaker measures were imposed then. We have restrictions on our outdoor activities in terms of what we can or can’t do. Schools are closed as of today. When I first learnt of this last Sunday, I felt a surge of stress as I recalled how stressful it was for me and the kids in May last year. I know that we have gone through it before and survived. However, the feelings of stress, anxiety and frustration still came up in me so much so that when my youngest daughter saw the change in my expression, she gave me a hug and asked me to take deep breaths. Look who’s coaching who now!
I reached out to friends here in Singapore and asked them for their thoughts and lessons learnt from their experiences of Circuit Breaker in 2020 that will help them with this year’s Circuit Breaker-Lite as some have termed it as. I hope their insights give you hope and encouragement and I would love to hear your views as well. You can connect with me on LinkedIn or drop me a note here.
[I’ve kept their identities as anonymous to respect their privacy and to provide them with a safe space to share their thoughts and feelings.]
Yes, there are frustrations and anxiety but all my friends are filled with gratitude and have adopted a growth mindset towards to the current situation. They are amazing human beings who, despite the uncertainties, are hopeful and resilient …
“The 2nd phase was expected but still a dampener. However, it is for the greater good. We have to appreciate that what we take for granted, others are praying hard for. I’ve learnt to enjoy and appreciate the simple things in life, to take the chance to do or learn something new. Never let a good crisis go to waste as quoted by Winston Churchill.”
“I feel a sense of weariness that we are back to square one. However, I have also learnt to be creative, finding new things to do, and spending time doing things we have been neglecting.”
“As a self-employed entrepreneur and single-handedly managing my household, having to return to phase 2 brought some tension in my line. Nonetheless, I am thankful to be living here in Singapore, having witnessed and experienced how our Government been restlessly placing the right measures for the well-being of our people and ensuring the ongoing of the country’s economy in the fight of this pandemic. For me, the good that has come out from it and especially from Circuit Breaker last year, is to not to take things for granted and always be prepared.”
“I was kind of upset because my plans for the family was affected. However, I realise that each of us plays an important role in improving or worsening the situation. I need to be a responsible citizen in adhering the guidelines.”
“I was frustrated at first - a friend's wedding got cancelled, activities I planned for the family have to be postponed. But after getting more clarity on the new restrictions, I am thankful and I know, we as a nation, we must do our part. I'm also grateful that we have vigilant policy makers who reacted quickly to this sudden rise of community cases. It's not an easy decision to move the nation one step back so I'm proud of my government. I’ve learnt to welcome changes. For some people, they are fearful of changes and uncertainties. People generally prefer to know what is coming next so they can be well prepared. I was one of them, not know my future working arrangement whether it’s working from home or the office and when my son’s childcare centre will reopen - these uncertainties had made me very anxious. However, after last year’s Circuit Breaker, I’ve learnt to just live in the moment - to focus on the positive!”
“I am feeling quite sad because the situation had stabilized for a while in Singapore and life was starting to get a bit better, so the recent development is a major setback. Having gone through last year's Circuit Breaker, I think it has prepared me for what to expect. Therefore, I can calmly deal with the situation and adapt accordingly as compared to last year.”
“Last year was tough - I was fretting over how I was going to work and care for my children who were at home. My husband and I worked as a team and we survived the period. I got to know my children better with the extra time spent with them. For this period, I intend to read more books. One book I have just finished is “The Happiest Man on Earth” by a Holocaust survivor and it taught me that despite our suffering, we can still contribute to the well-being of others and be kind to them. This will be the mentality I hope to bring with me into the restricted phase.”
It is as though we are stuck in this twilight zone of uncertainties without a clear end in sight.
However, I am encouraged by my friends’ sharing. Their insights remind me to be grateful for my blessings, to be flexible, to keep growing and adapting to the circumstances. I’m also reminded that we are not going through this alone and we can turn to each other for encouragement and support.
What is your main challenge during this period?
If you need someone to provide you support and a perspective shift, reach out to me here to book a complimentary 30-minutes call to see if coaching is something you would like to explore with me.
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
— Desmond Tutu, South African cleric
Pressed for Time
“There is more to life than simply increasing its speed”
- Mahatma Gandhi, anti-colonial nationalist
Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash
It’s been hectic these past few weeks. I have been in back-to-back calls without much of a breather in-between calls. I’ve also scheduled night calls to suit my clients’ schedules and attended several webinars late at night as well due to the time differences between U.S. and Singapore. I didn’t realise how pressed for time I was until my youngest daughter remarked to herself that she is also stressed and pressed for time. I was curious and asked her where she heard the phrase “pressed for time” from. She replied, “Mummy, you say it all the time!”
Her words stopped me. I didn’t realise that I have been saying those words. I didn’t realise that I was giving my children the impression that I was so busy that I didn’t have any time for them. My youngest daughter had also started to mirror my stressful behaviour when she had homework to finish in the afternoon. She worked hurriedly and was also very stressed.
I then recalled that I wrote about time management in one of blogs published in February titled “Not Enough Time” which you can read here. In order to manage our time better, we look at our priorities and their importance to us. I realised that I wasn’t consciously planning my time aligned with my priorities these past weeks. Rather, I had allowed what I considered as pressing demands to take precedence of self-care and family time. Yes, the work related calls were important and I value and enjoy my coaching sessions with my clients. What I should have done is to set aside time during the weekend to effectively plan my week ahead with time blocked off for my family and for myself instead of filling in all the empty spaces in my calendar just because they were empty.
Do you also struggle with time management? How does your schedule for the week look right now? Do you have any time set aside for rest, family time, personal development and just fun? Does the phrase “pressed for time” resonate with you?
“Time is measured in minutes; life is measured in moments.”
Photo by Jazmin Quaynor on Unsplash
When I think of managing my time in terms of my priorities of career, relationships and self, I am now mindful to do the following:
Career - in terms of my work and coaching calls, I schedule buffer time in between the calls to enable me to take a short break from the phone and laptop and do something completely different to unwind and get centred before my next call. If I am not able to do so between calls due to circumstances beyond my control, I consciously block off a longer time after the end of these calls to rest instead of jumping right back to reply to email messages. As for webinars, I ask myself, “Do I really need to attend this webinar for the growth of my business and personal development?”. If I have some doubts to its usefulness in that regard, I won’t sign up no matter how attractive the title and marketing blurb of the webinar.
Relationships - I have scheduled one-to-one time with my children in the coming weeks. I’m taking my son out for a weekday lunch as a treat as he is dismissed from school earlier that day. As for my girls, I’ve scheduled badminton time with both daughters in the evenings, 20-minutes catch up chat time with my elder daughter and 20-minutes hugging time with my youngest daughter. My husband and I will be going out for a coffee date this coming Sunday after church. Life is indeed measured in moments. These moments with my family bring me joy and fulfilment.
Self - I am keeping half an hour every night for myself to write in my journal. My reflection of each day helps me put the things in the right perspective and reminds me of the blessings I’m grateful for. I also carve out time for exercise and things I enjoy doing like watching a sitcom on weekend nights.
When you look at your schedule from the perspective of your priorities, how does it fare? Do you feel satisfied with how you have planned to use your time? I allow for empty spaces in my calendar to cater for impromptu and spontaneous events of creativity and fun. I confess that it is still a challenge for me to see empty spaces in my calendar. However, I remind myself that empty spaces in my calendar does not signify lack of productivity. They are there to allow for unexpected opportunities. They provide flexibility. They allow me time to slow down.
Some time management tips that have worked for me:
Being self-aware and intentional when I make my plans. I ask myself if I am allowing enough time for myself to be fully present for my creative work, coaching sessions, family and self.
Keeping a reasonable to-do list for each day. I also remind myself not to keep a long list but a shorter one with realistic expectations. I reflect at the end of each day how well my day went and in terms of unmet tasks, I reassess their level of importance and urgency and if they should be carried forward to the following day/week or removed.
As I plan my time, I ask myself how these activities align with my purpose for my career, relationships and self. It takes discipline and effort to stay on this frame of mind but I believe with consistent practice, it will become second nature to us.
Are you setting enough time to fulfil your larger purpose of career, relationships and self? Or are you settling just to get through the day? Do you want to feel empowered and at peace with your use of time? Are you pressed for time or is time allowing you the space for creativity, purpose and joy?
Contact me today to join my complimentary group coaching session this coming Wednesday (31 March 2021) at 8:00 p.m. Singapore (8:00 a.m. EST) to experience the power of support and accountability in a safe, non-judgmental group coaching environment. I look fContact me todayorward to meeting you and helping you to create a time management strategy that is unique for you to enable you to live a richer (and not busier!) and fulfilling life!
“If you want to make good use of your time, you’ve got to know what’s most important and then give it all you’ve got.”
- Lee Iacocca, American businessman
Wind Beneath My Wings
“I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.”
- from the song Wind Beneath My Wings sung by Bette Midler
Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash
We have just celebrated International Women’s Day on 8 March. I strongly believe that women supporting women and encouraging each other to be authentic and define success in the way that we each see it is powerful. As I was thinking of an appropriate post to write in conjunction of Women’s Day. I was reminded of the song “Wind Beneath My Wings’ sung by Bette Midler. There is a part in the beginning of the song which goes like this:
“So, I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.”
We all have people in our lives who have supported us in our respective journeys but didn’t share in our limelight and glory. Those individuals who preferred to remain behind the scenes of our successes although we know that without them, we would be nothing.
In the spirit of celebrating Women’s Day, think about the women who have provided inspiration and support to you without asking for anything in return. Have you taken the time to tell them how much you appreciate them? If not, I encourage you to do so this month.
For me, that woman is my mother. She is strong and resilient. When she was 17 years old, she stopped her education despite doing well in school because her parents were not able to support her financially. She was the eldest daughter in a family of 11 siblings. She worked as a seamstress and helped raised her younger brothers and sister when my grandmother was not able to due to health issues. She has never shown any resentment in this aspect of her life. She is the most generous person I know. She has never turned down anyone who needed help in terms of her time and resources. She has brought me up to be the woman I am today. I am proud that I inherited her generous trait although I don’t think I can do all the things she does. She cooks hot meals and bake for her church’s breakfast fellowship and that is definitely not within my baking and cooking aptitude!
Photo by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash
“Legacy is not leaving something for people. It’s leaving something in people.”
As we appreciate the people who have inspired us, think about the legacy and impact that you want to leave behind. What do you want people to remember you by as you reach the last days of your time on earth? I shared an exercise to evaluate your legacy in my newsletter of July 2020 (click here). As you reflect on the words to be placed on your tombstone (I know it may sound morbid but the exercise will help you slow down and reflect on how you want to spend the remaining years of your life meaningfully), think about the impression and values that you want to leave in the hearts of the people whom you care about.
For me, I want my children to remember that Mum was always there for them and that Mum loved them unconditionally. I want them to believe in their own potential and capabilities and not be hindered by their limiting beliefs. I want them to remember that it is courageous to feel fear but to go ahead and pursue their dreams in spite of the fears. I want each of them to truly know their purpose, their “WHY” and to use that as a guiding compass in their lives. With that in mind, I do my best daily to live out my WHY. When I asked my youngest daughter earlier this week on what my favourite thing to do is if I had all the time in the world, she replied without hesitation, “Coaching!”. I am encouraged and touched by her response as her candid reply affirmed that I am living an aligned life with my purpose. My children see me living it out, loud and clear!
What do you want your legacy to be?
As for impacting the women in your life, one way to do that is to make and build a network of women who share your ideals and values. I found such an avenue through the LeanIn Circles organised under the umbrella of LeanIn. Visit https://leanin.org/ for more information on how to join a Circle meeting or even start one. I run my own LeanIn Circle called Purposeful Women of Faith and we meet regularly on a monthly basis. The women in my Circle come from different walks of life. However, when we share our stories, we find commonality in our successes and struggles. When we know we’re not alone, when someone else has faced a similar situation, we draw strength from their lessons learnt. When we have something to celebrate and can do it openly and honestly in a group of women who do not judge or compare, we are able to really enjoy that success. We feel safe. We feel appreciated. We feel understood.
For the entire month of March, I’ll be hosting open meetings for women to come together to:
Make new connections and widen their network;
Share a celebration story for the purpose of encouraging other women;
Find support in a situation where you feel you are alone in.
These 45-minutes sessions will be held on Tuesday nights and Friday lunch time (all in Singapore time - you can convert to your time zone here) for the entire month of March. If you are interested, please complete this Google form with your preferred date and time slot(s). [Drop me an email at jennytoh@riverlifecoaching.com if you are not able to have access to the Google form]
Attend just one session or as many as you like. Let's come together to support each other and to know that no matter what our challenges are, we are not alone. Attend with an open mind, free of judgment. Attend with an open heart and curiosity. Attend with love and empathy.
See you there!
“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.”
What’s the Colour of Your Lens?
“We must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world. ”
Photo by Sebastian Coman Travel on Unsplash
I was listening to an interesting conversation which my husband had with my elder daughter several nights ago. She was struggling with a subject that she was not keen on. My husband showed her a glass of water and asked her what she saw. She said, “Daddy, it’s a glass of water.” He then asked her to wear an old pair of orange tinted sunglasses and asked her to look at the glass again. She was reluctant as she didn’t see where this conversation was going. Nevertheless, she decided to humour my husband and play along. My husband showed her the glass of water again and asked her what she saw. Her reply was, “It’s now orange.” My husband said, “Yes, it now looks like orange juice, doesn’t it?” She still didn’t understand the link between the glass of water with her dislike of this particular subject. My husband explained that the water looked like orange juice because she looked through a different coloured lens from her original spectacles. That’s how it is with her view of that subject. If she took the view that it was difficult and that she was never going to master it, it is going to be an uphill task for her to make any progress. However, if she looked at it as a new subject, one that she didn’t take up last year and that all she needs is some time to learn and understand the topics, her learning journey will be more pleasant and engaging. She may even end up enjoying her lessons on this subject!
What came up for you as I recounted this exchange between my husband and my daughter? Have you experienced a similar conversation before? Do you feel stuck in a situation where you are not able to see a way out? Will it help you to have a perspective change to your current circumstances? What’s the colour of your lens?
“What is behind your eyes holds more power than what is in front of them. ”
When something unfortunate happens to you, how do you react? What’s your default response? More often than not, we view the event negatively. For example, your car breaks down and you end up being late for work. You are immediately frustrated and angry. Perhaps, you even blame yourself for not maintaining the car well and would have prevented this outcome. You tell yourself that this is a useless piece of junk and you will never buy this particular car again! You make it to work in a foul mood. The rest of your day progresses horribly with endless unreasonable demands and things going wrong. You go home feeling drained and demotivated.
Is this your reality?
What would your day look like if you reacted differently to the same situation? Instead of feeling frustrated and angry, you calmly accept that your car broke down and make the necessary arrangements to have it repaired. You call your secretary to let her know that you will be late and to have her reschedule some non-urgent meetings. The first thing you do when you reach the office is to adjust and prioritise your to-do list. You’re realistic on what you can reasonably accomplish for the day and do not blame yourself for the unfortunate episode. You take the bus home and find the change of scenery surprisingly refreshing. You are grateful to be able to have dinner with your family and it is a peaceful end to your day.
Is this your reality?
We all desire the second outcome to be our reality. It is difficult to suspend our automatic reaction, slow down and consciously choose a different reaction, one that will serve us better.
Here are 3 simple tips to practise when you next face an unforeseen glitch in your daily life.
PAUSE - Recognise that you are tensing up and feeling negative emotions towards the event. What can you do to stop yourself from being hijacked by your negative emotions? Will taking closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths help? Will moving physically help? Experiment with a few different things and see what works best for you. Once you have identified the action that can help you stop the automatic emotional reaction, keep using and practising it so that it becomes second nature to you the next time you are affected by negative emotions.
ACCEPT - Accept the facts of the situation calmly without judgment and attachment. If your child’s teacher calls you from school to speak about your child’s misdemeanour, don’t overreact and jump to conclusions about the situation. Meet with the teacher and keep an open mind. If you receive a negative performance review from your manager, don’t view it as the “be all and end all” of your career. Accept the feedback constructively and see what you can learn from it to improve yourself.
CONVERT - Once you have stopped the emotional hijack and accepted the situation as it is, what can you do to minimise the damage and improve the situation? Think of ways to convert the situation into a learning experience, a reminder to do things differently and perhaps, even a gift. Admittedly, it takes a lot more mental discipline to view unfortunate events as gifts for you to grow as a person but the gifts are there. You may not see them immediately and it may take a long time before you discover the gifts in difficult circumstances. The main thing is to be open to the possibilities and opportunities this experience has for you. If you reflect on your own life experiences, you will realise that it is during the adverse times in your life that you have grown stronger and wiser as a person.
Take some time to think about the type of lens that you typically view your world through. If you require support to have a change in the colour of your lens, reach out to me here to find out more about my coaching programs.
“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”