Coping Mechanisms
“For me, writing is a kind of coping mechanism.”
About a month ago, my 10-year-old daughter came down with high fever. When we took her to see the doctor, the advice given was for her to do a Covid-19 swab test. As she was under 12 years old, it was up to us as her parents to decide for her. It wasn’t an easy decision for us to make as we knew how uncomfortable it would be for her. We eventually agreed for her to do the test because it would eventually give us a definitive answer.
The waiting began. We were told that her test results would be made known to us within a day. I’m thankful that the waiting time was short. However, it was still 24 hours of uncertainty. Deep down in my heart, I knew that the likelihood of her contracting the Covid-19 virus was low but as a mother, I was worried.
This incident made me think about how each of us coped with the news. The two men in my family - my husband and my son - regarded the news from a practical and rational angle. It wasn’t Covid-19 because as far as we knew, she didn’t come into close contact with any Covid-19 patients. The only place she went to was school. There were no suspected cases in her school. Their deduction - it was just another viral infection and will go away within a few days of rest and medication.
My youngest daughter, the 8-year-old, thought differently. She was devastated. She dreaded going to school without her elder sister. They always walked to school together. She was also upset because she felt that it wasn’t fair that she had to go to school while her sister rested at home. She wanted to be by her sister’s side. When she returned home from school, she was disappointed that her sister was not well enough to play with her. She also felt left out because I spent more time looking after her sister than with her. The uncertainty of the situation caused her to be insecure and she didn’t know how to cope with all the emotions that were coming up for her.
What about me? What was my reaction? In short, it was all of the above! I had jumbled up feelings, seeing my daughter ill and not knowing if she had contracted the Covid-19 virus. I thought the same rational thoughts as my husband and son and at the same time, felt worried, upset and unsettled just like my youngest daughter. For fleeting moments, I imagined worst case scenarios but stopped myself as I realised that this was not doing myself or my daughter any good. I was at home with her the whole day and if I was so negative and restless, it would have been apparent to her, making her feel worse than she had already felt.
So, what were my coping mechanisms in this situation? The quote above really resonated with me. Yes, I wrote. I penned my thoughts and emotions in my journal. Seeing my words on paper was liberating. They provided a release to my anxiety and worry. I prayed. I stayed quiet and reflected on God’s goodness in our lives. I contacted my parents and parents-in-law and asked them to jointly pray for her. I reached out to close friends for support and comfort. The thought I held on to was that this was not going to last forever - it too shall come to pass.
When you reflect on your coping mechanisms during challenges, what were they? What kept you going, believing that things will work out in the end? Are you still in the midst of challenges? What are you doing to stay hopeful?
Are you like the men in my family? The first thing you will do is evaluate the available information and make a rational assessment. Then, you will move on to problem-solving mode.
Are you like me? You have ways to recognise and manage your emotions and a strong support network to reach out for help and encouragement. Despite difficult circumstances, you know you are not alone. This lightens your burdens and your grief, having another share it with you in your journey.
Do you feel helpless, devastated and overwhelmed like my youngest daughter? You feel that you still have to put up a brave front because you have so many responsibilities on your shoulders. You cannot afford others to see that you are suffering on the inside. This is not what resilience is about. It’s not about avoiding your emotions and shouldering on without healing. It’s about being able to pick yourself up and look at your circumstances with hope, taking forward-looking steps with resolve and determination.
I’m running a Group Coaching session to help you Create Your Unique Resilience Plan on 25 September 2020, 8:30 p.m. Singapore Time (8:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time). You will explore your inner resources which have helped you cope with past challenges and leverage and build upon these resources to face future challenges. This session will be conducted in a safe, non-judgmental space with me as your coach. If you feel that this is something that can help you right now, please click here to reserve your place.
You do not have to walk this path alone.
P.S. My daughter’s test result came back negative and she recovered within a few days.
