All or Nothing
“…for
there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so…”
-William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2
I learned an interesting insight about myself several weeks ago. I had 2 peer coaching sessions with 2 peer coaches where I was coached on 2 different topics. Both triggered an awareness that I am an “all or nothing” person. When I look at a situation, I have this urge to decide whether I will give it my all i.e. my full commitment and see it through to completion and perhaps, even perfection OR I don’t do anything at all. I can’t seem to see any other alternatives outside this “all or nothing”. One topic was quite light hearted and yet, I was fixated that I needed to tackle the situation with a ‘big bang” solution i.e. my “all” approach or just do nothing. However, both options gave me discomfort. My peer coach helped me realise that there is a possibility that I can choose something between 0 and 100%! I know it sounds so simple but as I was so entrenched in my belief that it has to be “all or nothing”, I couldn’t see any other options. This realisation that it was perfectly fine for me to decide on something at 25% or 65% was powerful. I don’t need to go 100% all the time.
The second topic was serious one as I wanted to plan how I am to spend my time and resources on my coaching business. Again, I was stuck with this 0 or 100% perspective. I felt troubled as I could not decide how to move forward. Staying where I am now is not acceptable as I want to progress and improve my business. However, my thoughts around making the 100% mark for my business is daunting. Hence, the stuck feeling. My peer coach helped me understand the reason behind my impatience of needing to decide so quickly and so drastically. It was because in my mind, once I have decided on an action plan, there will be certainty. Certainty provides comfort for me. Then, my mind will be at ease and I can focus on the execution part of my plan. Once I have understood the urgency behind my thinking, I was able to slowly see that there are alternatives besides my 100% goals. I can take small, manageable steps towards my goals. I can experiment and see what works and what doesn’t. I learned that I don’t have to rush. I can be at ease amidst uncertainties. It wasn’t an easy learning for me simply because this was how I have always been thinking and operating. Changing or some would say, rewiring my brain takes conscious effort and determination to steer away from the normal routes I would take.
Can we really rewire our brain?
The short answer is yes. Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to adapt.
“It refers to the physiological changes in the brain that happen as the result of our interactions with our environment. From the time the brain begins to develop in utero until the day we die, the connections among the cells in our brains reorganize in response to our changing needs. This dynamic process allows us to learn from and adapt to different experiences.” – Dr. Celeste Campbell, American neuropsychologist
Our neural pathways are like the roads we walk on. Imagine that you have to walk across a lawn to go to your favourite cafe. You will be walking the same path everyday. What do you see? The grass is not growing any more on that path because you have been walking on it every day. This path is clearly defined. You’re on autopilot mode when you walk to your favourite cafe. If someone asked you to try a new route to the cafe, you would hard pressed to agree to do so. Walking on a new path will take effort. You will need to try something new and it may not be what you expect. It is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. However, trying out a new path may also lead you to new sights and sounds and maybe even, a nicer cafe than your favourite one!
All of you would have heard these sayings, “old habits die hard” and “it takes 21 days to form a new habit”. We are used to living our lives on autopilot mode. It is easier just to keep walking on our well-trodden paths than to discover new ones which provides us with new and wonderful opportunities.
How can we break free from our autopilot mode?
1) Discover your well-trodden path You will first need to understand and recognise your autopilot mode.
2) Try something different
Experiment doing something different from your usual way of thinking. Using my example, I’m learning to be comfortable in not always going for 100% when it comes to making my plans. Taking small steps in the intended direction is fine!
3) Learning a new creative skill
Doing something creative enhances the connectivity in your brain and allows for creation of new neural pathways. If you have no time to take on a new skill, just have fun singing and dancing in the privacy of your room or just try doodling.
4) Having “down” time
Taking time out to rest and recharge and do the things you enjoy like reading, meditating or even just sleeping.
Creating new neural pathways is a lifelong journey so it is important to remember to be kind to yourself and to celebrate your successes. Give yourself credit when you carved out 15 minutes of “down” time in your busy work day. Celebrate with a friend when you experimented doing something differently from your autopilot mode. The important thing is to be able to recognise your autopilot mode and realise that you don’t have to keep thinking or doing things the way you have always done them if they don’t benefit you.
You can give yourself the freedom to think differently!
I would love to hear of your insights from this post and also, please share your successes with me! Just send me a note here!
“Any man could, if he were so inclined, be the sculptor of his own brain.”
