Empty Cup
“And all of a sudden, I felt really tired. Like the world has drained me from everything that I had.”
This quote resonated with me. I came across it when I was searching for quotes for this blog post. I am tired, really tired. The family events of the past two month alone are exhausting with both my father-in-law’s and middle daughter’s health conditions. Going to hospitals seemed to be the “go-to” place for our family these past few weeks. On top of that, I am continually building my business, coaching clients and speaking with people on a daily basis and running my household, ensuring the wheels of the home and family keep turning and nothing drops!
I had a particularly busy day yesterday with coaching sessions and all 3 kids were also home as they didn’t have to go to school yesterday. I snapped at my youngest daughter who asked me to practise her English presentation speech with her as I was short on time in-between coaching sessions. I felt really low. I took out my frustrations on my daughter who really loves and adores me.
Ironically, this incident reminded me of one of my earliest blog posts in April 2020 when I first started my business - I wrote about not neglecting our self-care as if we just keep giving and giving, something will give and we’re not to let that “something” be us.
“We need to deprogram ourselves. I know for sure that you can’t give what you don’t have. If you allow yourself to be depleted to the point where your emotional and spiritual tank is empty and you’re running on fumes of habit, everybody loses. Especially you.”
- Oprah Winfrey
Yes, that is so true. Everybody loses when we are running on empty. I wasn’t a very nice Mum to be around with yesterday. So, what lessons did I learn from yesterday?
Identify my triggers
I had physical signs that I was too stretched and overwhelmed. I had a lot of things on my mind as there were several hospital visits and appointments to keep this week and I also wanted to be there to support my youngest daughter in her rope skipping tournament. I also had several coaching and facilitation commitments that needed to be worked around and rescheduled. My breathing became faster, my left shoulder felt very tense and started to ache. Instead of pausing and closing my laptop to take a breather, I carried on. That was when I snapped at my daughter when she came into the study to look for me. I had just finished one coaching session and had about 20 minutes before my next session. On a good day, I would have welcomed her with open arms. As I was running on empty, I was annoyed and frustrated.
I should have taken heed of my physical signs of stress and exhaustion and taken a break instead of carrying on. I often coach my clients to identify their physical triggers of stress and anxiety and here I am, ignoring these good practices.
I apologised to my daughter shortly after my outburst at her. It was such a surprise that she waited for my 3rd coaching session to end, quietly came into the room and gave me a big hug, saying, “Don’t be stressed, Mummy. It will all work out. Trust God and pray about everything.”
I was so moved. My daughter’s words reminded me of what I knew all along. To focus on the bigger picture and to quote the late Richard Carlson, “Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff.”
Do you know what your physical triggers are when you are stressed, frustrated or anxious? Contemplate how these physical cues can prevent you from being hijacked by your negative emotions. Take time to listen to your body. You won’t regret it! I know I am going to be more intentional and listen to mine more!
Ask for help
Don’t wait until you are running on empty before you ask for help. My husband is always reminding that I do not need to hold the fort all by myself and to get our kids to pitch in and help me. I asked for help yesterday when I realised that I couldn’t push through the rest of the day. All 3 of them willingly pitched in. My son and my youngest daughter cooked dinner together while my middle daughter did the laundry and tidied up. They gave me some time to retire earlier last night which was exactly what I needed.
How often do we hold ourselves back from asking for help? We often think that it is a reflection of our weakness if we have to ask others for help. How about seeing it from another perspective? When we ask for help, we are showing the other person that we appreciate them and trust them. We want them to be a part of our lives. By asking my kids to help me, I’m showing them that we are a family and we are to help one another.
At the workplace, we often feel that we need to put our best foot forward and asking for help would show that we are not as competent or skilled as we say we are. Is this really true? By asking for help, we foster collaboration and enable greater ideas and solutions given the collective wisdom of working together.
Think about your upcoming days and weeks - how can you incorporate asking for support and help more in your work and life? What changes do you hope to see if you do so?
Pause
It is perfectly fine to pause and stop. This is something I know and do as a coach, to stop and reflect on the situation and to see what I can learn from it for my own growth. That is why I am stopping today (or rather slowing down and having fewer coaching sessions today) to reflect on my lessons learnt from yesterday. Writing is therapeutic for me and also serves as my “me-time” for me to recharge and be refreshed.
I often fool myself into thinking if I just keep going, I’m being productive and doing more means growing my business faster. On the contrary, I end up being exhausted and demoralised. Going faster and not stopping does not mean growth. We have to pause and reflect and realign ourselves with our purpose in life.
Do you find that you’re too busy to pause? What do you think will change for the better if you pause?
