Born to be an Optimist?
“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Are you a “half full or half empty cup” type of person? When I searched the image library for the photo above, I typed “half empty glass” instead of “half full glass”. By default, I seem to think about what’s lacking instead of what’s available. I guess I’ve always had this in-built propensity towards planning for the worst-case scenarios. It could be due to my legal training or it could even go back to all the way when I was a child. I didn’t have any older siblings to watch over me so I always made it a point to plan for all contingencies. It has served me well over the years. However, as I reflect, if I had been more relaxed and accepting of the outcomes, I would have lived those events of my life without the anxiety and stress.
Am I born an optimist? My immediate answer would be a “no”. However, optimism can be learnt. Learned Optimism (which is also the title of one of his books) is a concept from Positive Psychology’s founding father, Dr. Martin Seligman, which argues that we can cultivate a positive perspective. According to Dr. Seligman, everyone is born optimistic. And yet, 95% of grownups are pessimists, not optimists. What happened there? Some people see the glass as half empty. Others see it as half full. But is it really as simple as that? Is it possible to be a bit of both?
How would a “half full” type of person view a problem? An optimist, when faced with a problem, tends to find the upside to the situation and starts figuring out ways to solve that problem, or ways to turn it around. A pessimist, however, immediately throws up his hands, and yells, “That’s it; it’s all over. I can’t handle this anymore.” He may also distance himself from the problem, pretending it doesn’t matter. This is denial, and it never works. Or like me, he would visualise all the worst possible outcomes and worry about each of them, feeling stressed and anxious when he is not able to come up with a solution to address each of these hypothetical scenarios.
When you think about it, it’s rarely an all or nothing situation. Most people tend to be an optimist for some of the times and a pessimist at other times. The reality is that things turn out according to how we think and feel about the situation. If a person feels like something will go well or feels optimistic about it, it usually seems to go well. The same is true of the reverse. When someone feels like something will go badly, it tends to do just that.
An indication that you are dealing with a pessimist is in a simple phrase they will use in stressful situations - “I can’t”. The pessimist is helpless, powerless and it shows in his response. The optimist responds with - “I won’t”. The optimist is making a conscious choice, not just reacting.
An optimist prefers to think more positively. They focus on what they really want, not what might happen to them.
Think about the following statements:
- Optimists achieve their goals because they never give up.
- Optimists are happier, healthier and more energetic than pessimists.
- Optimists are easier to be around, inspiring people around to be positive.
- Optimists live longer and suffer from fewer and less severe diseases.
These are all probably true just by the fact that optimists’ positive thinking makes challenging situations “not that bad” after all.
True optimism is not sitting back, thinking positive thoughts, and hoping everything will turn out all right. It’s how you see the world, positively rather than negatively. You face each situation, each problem, and each occasion with an outlook of growth and learning and you always look forward to the “benefits” you will derive from it. What is the lesson that this situation is showing me? What is the strength I need to grow here in order to handle this circumstance?
You have a choice. “Change your thoughts and change your world,” said Norman Vincent Peale, an American minister. What it comes down to is that your attitude is a conscious choice. If you choose pessimism, you’re choosing to see the down side of every situation, judge people unfairly, and live unhappily the rest of your life.
On the other hand, if you choose optimism, you’re empowering yourself to see the positive side of each challenge, seeing the good in people, helping them to see the good in life too. Taking action to further improve your own life, and living happily with friends and family who care about you. Attracting all good to yourself. Choosing to be more optimistic and positive does not mean you won’t encounter difficult times, trauma, loss and many challenges. What it does mean is that you will have more power on your side to help you through those tough times. You’ll bounce back faster and make better choices, rather than letting life just wash over you. You’ll learn to be proactive, instead of reactive.
We can learn to be optimistic by addressing the 3Ps of any given situation. As described by Dr. Seligman, a pessimist will view a situation as being personal, pervasive and permanent.
Personalization
If something bad happens, a pessimist will attribute it to internal factors. “It must be me. I am not good enough.” They’ll see that failure or setback as something that’s their fault, personalizing the outcome.
Optimists externalize instead. Their immediate thought is not to blame themselves and they consciously choose to learn from the situation and not attribute its occurrence as something they brought onto themselves.
Pervasiveness
A pessimist may catastrophize, “I did a terrible job; I’ll never be hired again – EVER.” Someone who views an undesirable outcome as pervasive will also be more inclined to believe that it will impact other aspects of their lives, too. “I am not able to hold a job. This means I am a bad person. No one will love me. My family despises me.”
Optimists will see the same incident, the loss of a job, as just that. They will not lose sight of what’s going well in their lives, for example, their health, the support from their family and friends and the opportunity to start afresh.
Permanence
A pessimistic tends to view a negative situation as lasting. “I’ll always be able to sing. I sound horrible. This is just who I am.” An optimist is more likely to say, “I didn’t sing well in the concert. I should ask my teacher for ways to improve. I didn’t practise enough this week. Let’s see how I can schedule more time to practise singing next week.” The optimist doesn’t view the same situation as being permanent and is looking for ways to change and improve it.
Here’s a short video to illustrate the 3Ps created by Fight Mediocrity on YouTube. As you watch this video, reflect on which of the 3Ps do you gravitate towards when you face a challenge in your life? Do you take it personally? Do you view it as affecting your outlook in all areas of your life? Do you feel that you cannot change your situation? I like what the creator of this video said in the end, “You need balance, otherwise you will not be taking responsibility when you need to”.
Do you have that balance or do you have a tendency to swing from being too optimistic to too pessimistic? Have a chat with me about your struggles and let’s see how we can work together for you to achieve that balance in your outlook in life.
Contact me here for a complimentary 30-minutes call.
“The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns. The pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious to the rose.”
– Khalil Gibran, Lebanese writer
