Time...
“Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.”
Photo by Simon Wilkes on Unsplash
What feelings and thoughts are evoked when you see the word “time”? Are you feeling happy thinking of the available time that you have now to be able to do the things that you have put off doing? Does the word trigger feelings of anxiety and stress because there is so much to do within such a short span of time? Are there feelings of frustration and uneasiness because you are not able to resume your normal routines? Is there regret because you cannot turn back the clock to set things right with a loved one? Does the thought of what the future holds for you bring you expectant hope or worries and despair?
What does time mean for you?
Lexico.com powered by Oxford University Press defines time as follows (the list below is not exhaustive):
A point of time as measured in hours and minutes past midnight or noon.
As a verb - plan, schedule, or arrange when (something) should happen or be done. E.g. the first race is timed for 7:30a.m.
An instance of something happening or being done; an occasion. E.g. this is the first time the baby tasted ice cream.
The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.
As I write this, it is the last definition that resonates with me the most. The events of my past, present and future are viewed as a whole. We tend to hold on to snapshots of our lives that make us happy and try out best to sift out and discard the unhappy moments. Some of us may have the tendency to look at life through rose-tinted glasses, holding on to an optimistic and wistful perspective of events and circumstances. There are others who only see the negative side of things and take the gloomiest possible view. Then, there are the individuals whom we admire - those who are able to maintain a balanced outlook in life, realistic and practical while remaining hopeful and resilient despite the unfavourable circumstances. Which category do you think you fall into?
Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash
As I reflect on the word “time”, the feeling of nostalgia fills me. Tomorrow is my 17th wedding anniversary. I chose the quote from Marcus Aurelius because it reminded me that the events in our lives flow like the river. As much as we want to hold on to a current feeling, a current event or even a person at that point in time, we are not able to. The flow of time will take it away and it is pointless to resist and fight it as it goes against the course of nature.
I recall the day my husband and I exchanged our wedding vows at Leicester City Council in a small quiet ceremony on a sunny, breezy afternoon. We had a simple lunch and spent time in the backyard of my husband’s home, looking at the flowers and bees and discussing our future together with excitement and anticipation. We were both young and idealistic then. After 17 years and blessed with 3 children, our marriage has grown and matured in so many ways. So have we as individuals. A small part of me wishes to hold on to that summer afternoon, for it not to be swept away. Things appeared simpler then. Perhaps, I am looking back to that day with rose-tinted glasses. The reality is that my wedding day was just a snapshot of my life. My husband and I have since had countless snapshots of the good, the bad and the ugly of marriage. If I were to keep holding on to that point in time, I will miss out on opportunities to be fully present to enjoy the here and now with my husband and my children. There is nothing wrong in reminiscing on the good old days but if we hold on to them too tightly, we are not living in the present and appreciating what we have now.
Are you holding on too tightly to a memory, an event or a way of life from your past? What are you not willing to let go of? What is keeping you from living life in the present with expectant hope for the future?
Reach out to us today to discover how to move forward in your life with gratitude and hope!
Something's got to give...
What comes to your mind when you read this quote? Do you feel that your life is unravelling around you during this period of uncertainty and anxiety? Is your life orderly and organised but yet, there is something in the background that doesn’t feel quite right?
Are you coping well with the circumstances in your life? Are you thriving or surviving?
I recently attended a webinar organised by the International Coaching Federation Chapter here in Singapore on Stress Management during Uncertainty. One of my key takeaways from the webinar was that it is perfectly fine to not keep pushing yourself to be on top of everything at all times. We all seem to be under pressure, derived internally and externally, to become better versions of ourselves during this “stay-at-home” period. We are telling ourselves now is the time to pick up a new skill or hobby, work even harder, take on new projects, be a better parent, nurture relationships with loved ones, cultivate enriching activities to keep our children occupied, take care of our elderly parents, reach out to people in need… the list goes on and on. I’m not saying that these aspirations are not healthy nor are they to be avoided. However, ask yourself… if you take all this on and more without really looking after yourself, what will happen to you as a person?
Photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash
Are you taking care of yourself? I know “self-care” and “be kind to yourself” are the buzz words that we share on social media and in our conversations during this period. I know that your “to-do” list is probably overwhelming now and I hear you saying, “What? You want me to add another thing to my list?”
Being kind to yourself doesn’t have to be a chore or another added responsibility. Just take some time to think about the things that make you happy and the activities that bring a smile on your face. They do not have to be anything extravagant and given the fact that we all cannot leave our homes now, the simpler your ideas, the better! For me personally, I love just having my coffee in the quiet of the morning before everyone wakes up. I also enjoy writing in my gratitude journal each night as this exercise allows me to reflect on the many blessings that occur each day and just be grateful to be alive.
What are some of your ideas for taking care of yourself? I would love to hear them! If you are struggling to cope or to carve out time to be kind to yourself, don’t hesitate to contact me and I’ll be more than happy to provide you with a complimentary self-care quiz to encourage you to start thinking about this. You’re not alone! We are all in this together. I’m here to offer you support! “Something’s got to give. Don’t let it be you.”
Joy Triggers!
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” -Abraham Lincoln
I was speaking to a peer coach the other day and spoke to him about my stress triggers. There has been a lot more of them recently given that my children and I are home all the time now. I’m having to juggle my time with their online lessons, worksheets, home activities together with my work and coaching sessions. I realised that I have been quick to be angry and annoyed with them especially when I am pressed for time. My girls have complained that I haven’t been a nice Mummy lately. Their unhappiness made me stop and think. This is not how I want to be when I am with my girls. My stress triggers occur when unforeseen events happen such as technical glitches on their online portals and not enough time for myself.
What can I do to counter my stress triggers? We are about as happy as we decide to be. It is all in our minds. We can choose to look at a situation from various perspectives. What perspective should I be looking at to serve me well? Whenever I find myself in the face of a stressful situation now, I remind myself to literally take a step back and breathe deeply and slowly. The key questions that keep coming up in my mind is, “How urgent is this situation? Why am I feeling rushed and anxious?” As you can guess, it has always turned out to be that the situation is not any more urgent than what I make it to be. This thought has helped me to centre myself and balance my emotions.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
The idea of Joy Triggers popped into my mind when I was doing self-reflection several days ago. Instead of focusing on what causes stress in my life, I chose to be more mindful and notice the moments in my life that give me joy. My morning coffee before everyone wakes up. Hugging and spinning my youngest daughter around. Enjoying a snack with my elder daughter. Having a short chat with my teenage son during dinner time. Connecting with my accountability partner (you know who you are!) in the U.S. via Facebook Messenger on a weekly basis. Winding down at night with a catch-up conversation with my husband after our respective long work days. Penning my thoughts in my journal. Summing up my day in prayer and surrendering all to His care.
I’m curious to hear what your Joy Triggers are. What do they look like? How often do they happen? What can you do to protect them? Do you want to increase their frequency in your daily life? If the current situation in your life prevents you from having any Joy Triggers, we would love to support you to discover and rekindle them! Reach out to us today!
Surprised?
What’s going through your mind as you read the heading? Are you surprised by all that is going on in your life and in the world today? Are you feeling anxious, upset, angry, fearful, helpless or all of them at varying times throughout a single day? I have been feeling all those emotions and more over the past few months in light of the Covid-19 pandemic sweeping our world today. I feel helpless at times when I think about the things that are not within my control. That’s just it. They are things that I cannot control. Why am I then allowing these things to take all my energy away from me? The simple answer is that I am human and feeling all these emotions is perfectly normal.
“Life is like the river, sometimes it sweeps you gently along and sometimes the rapids come out of nowhere.” - Emma Smith, English author
I love this photo. At the far end of it, you see the gentle flow of the river and at the edge of the photo closest to us, you start to see that the flow of the river is stronger and fiercer. You can almost hear the sound of it gushing towards possibly a waterfall further along the river.
Life’s like that, isn’t it? We have all experienced the gentle calmness and quiet contentment in our lives when all of a sudden, an event happens that shakes the tranquil flow in our lives.
Photo by Andy Holmes on Unsplash
So, what can we do to regain balance? How can we centre ourselves and not feel topsy-turvy in light of these events that are beyond our control? No one is expecting you to deny or suppress your feelings and put on a strong brave front. In times like these, we should think about putting on the type of spectacles that will work for us. The spectacles that will give us the right perspectives to view the current situation. The lenses of compassion, both in terms of self compassion and compassion for others. The glasses for seeking meaningful connections and strengthening existing relationships.
“The way we see things, the way we see the world and everything in it, determines everything else that happens.” - Todd Davis, Chief People Officer, Franklin Covey Co.
Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash
If you are feeling at a lost in terms of handling these emotions and want to work towards having the right lenses to view the state of things in the world today, I would be more than happy to support you in your quest for finding clarity and peace. If you want to formulate goals around the effective use of your time at home, please contact me now so that you do not let this opportunity slip past you! We all have it within ourselves to make this difficult time, a learning and growing experience for ourselves and for our family, friends and circles of influence! Let’s get started!