I Want It Now!
“If I am to meet with a disappointment, the sooner I know it, the more of life I shall have to wear it off. ”
Photo by Trym Nilsen on Unsplash
I wanted it and I thought I had it. It was a project that I pitched for and I thought my proposal met their requirements. I received news two weeks later that I didn’t get it. They didn’t provide any specific explanation, just that I’m not the person they were looking for. Thoughts raced in my mind. What did I do wrong? What did I miss? What should I have said? I didn’t receive any answers to these questions. I was feeling unsettled. It was a setback.
I was disappointed.
What is disappointment? It is the sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one's hopes or expectations. In my case, it was my expectation that I would land this project. What is your current disappointment? Is it not getting the job you wanted even after what you thought was a good interview? Is it being overlooked for a promotion? We know what it feels like to be that 5-year-old kid who wanted to win the giant teddy bear at the amusement park but his father just couldn’t hit all the tin cans in the booth to win it. Who do you think was more disappointed - the kid or the father? The kid was disappointed because he didn’t walk away, hugging his desired prize. The father was disappointed because he couldn’t make his son happy. Disappointment stems from unmet expectations, shattered hopes. Does this mean that we won’t be disappointed if we don’t hope? Perhaps. Do you want to live a life without hope? Not waking up feeling excited about what the day lies ahead. Not planning for the future. Not working towards making your dreams come true. That would be as though you are just settling, that you have given up in life. Is that the type of life that you want to lead just to avoid disappointments?
It is painful to be disappointed. Sometimes, it is so painful that you just want to stay in bed and not get up to face the world. So, what can you do to lessen the pain of disappointment?
“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.”
― Robert Kiyosaki, American businessman
Photo by Austin Kehmeier on Unsplash
What lessons did I learn from my recent episode on disappointment?
Time
How long do I want to stay disappointed? I allowed myself time to “mourn” the loss. I felt the negative emotions. I labelled each emotion and observed them with curiosity, not attaching any weight or importance to them. Yes, they were strong emotions of rejection, anger and sadness but they do not form the essence of who I am as a person. I then chose to do something completely different to centre myself. I listened to Christian music while doing mundane household chores! The important lesson for me here is to not to allow these emotions to overwhelm and consume me.
Support
When I learnt of the rejection, I called my husband at work to give him a quick update. We then talked more about it later that day. He provided an objective perspective as he was not involved in the incident. He reaffirmed my capabilities and helped me see that this is not “the end of the world” for me. Yes, I have a tendency to catastrophize! He highlighted the good parts of the situation in that they did get back to me rather than keeping silent. I had the closure I needed. He said I had put a lot of effort into the proposal and is proud of me. He reminded me of my strengths and helped me to appreciate what I have in my life right now rather than focusing on what got away.
Growth
I also have a tendency to judge myself harshly. I tend to be critical and not as forgiving towards myself as I am towards others. I learnt from this episode that it doesn’t help me to be judgmental about what happened. The matter is over. I have to move on but without judgment or blame as it is not my fault and neither is it the fault of the other party. My proposal wasn’t what they were looking for. Simple as that. So, what do I want to take away from this episode with discernment and not judgment? I came up with a few things to improve on. I will do more research on the organisation I’m pitching to, find out their nuances and their pain points in greater detail. I learnt that even the tone and language that I used in my proposal has to suit their organisational culture. It also reminded me of the importance of relationship building and I am glad that this episode ended on a positive note. I may not be the right fit for them now but with a good relationship, this door may open again at a later stage.
How do you cope when you are disappointed? What is your greatest challenge? Is it “fighting” against your own negative thoughts and emotions? Is it getting stuck in the situation and not seeing any way out? Do you find that you lack morale support and encouragement? What shifts in your outlook and perspectives do you need to move forward? If any of these questions strike a chord with you, do reach out to me here and we’ll explore how I can support you as your coach to better handle disappointments in your life.
