Old Habits Die Hard
“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.”
― Samuel Johnson, English poet
We have all heard of the saying “old habits die hard”. It simply means that it is difficult to stop doing things one has been doing for a long time. The habits are ingrained in us.
Mick Jagger even wrote a song with the same title. I like this part of the lyrics:
I act like an addict, I just got to have it
I can never leave it alone …
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain Courtesy of https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/12269068/Mick+Jagger/Old+Habits+Die+Hard
Giving up a habit is tough even if you know it is not good for you to carry on doing the things you have been doing. It is painful to stop and even if you succeed, you find yourself going back to your old ways if you are not careful. I recalled that I struggled with giving up drinking coffee during my pregnancies. I knew it was good for me and the baby not to have caffeine in my system. However, I felt like an addict. I even had headaches and mild anxiety attacks as withdrawal symptoms when I stopped drinking coffee. Did I persist in refraining from drinking coffee? Yes, painful as it was, I reminded myself of the larger purpose - what would it cost me and the baby if I carried on drinking 2 to 3 cups of coffee a day? With that purpose and focus in mind, I stopped drinking coffee.
Of course, I am back to being an avid coffee drinker now as I no longer have a purpose mandating the change. A change or break from our habits require focus, determination and quite likely, another new habit to replace the old one. I know that replacing eating cookies with low fat yoghurt may not be exciting or enticing enough (my kids can vouch for this!) but it’s a good first step in the right direction. If you go cold turkey i.e. stop the old habit immediately without a substitute, you will find yourself feeling very empty which will make it more difficult for you to sustain resisting the old habit.
You would think the expected solution for my coffee-drinking habit is to drink decaffeinated coffee instead. That didn’t work for me. Drinking decaf coffee just reinforced how much I enjoyed drinking coffee and made me miss it even more. I decided to switch to tea. Although I enjoyed drinking tea on certain occasions, it was quite an adjustment for me to have a cup of tea first thing in the morning when my usual go-to drink was coffee. However, with time and intentionally reminding myself to savour the moments while I was drinking tea, I managed to break my habit of drinking coffee.
I’m back to it now as I don’t have a higher purpose to stop drinking coffee. However, I now take my coffee without sugar and only with low fat milk so I’m taking steps in the right direction to good health.
“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.”
– John C. Maxwell, American author
It is overwhelming to think of stopping an old habit as it has already become a part of you. The key thing to remember is to make small manageable changes in your routine. Once these changes become second nature to you, it will be easier for you to move on to make bigger changes.
It is also helpful to have implementation intentions when you are working on putting a new habit in place. This tool was created by Noel Lyons MSc (http://www.WellCoach.co.uk).
Implementation intentions are “if-then” plans. Forming an implementation intention will help you actually carry out the behaviour you intend.
Think about your intention of starting this new habit. Why do you want to do it? What is your larger purpose? What would it cost you if you didn’t replace your old habit with this new one?
The planning stage (‘if-then” scenarios). Think of possible scenarios of how you will act in relation to your new habit when something happens to prevent you from sticking with it - “If X happens, then I will do Y".” X can be a time, place or event. Y is the specific action that you will take whenever X occurs.
If I eat a chocolate bar instead of a healthy snack, I will run on the spot for 10 minutes after reaching home from work.
If I sleep late again, I will turn off all my devices by 8pm and turn in by 10pm.
If I binge-watch shows on Netflix, I will spend an extra hour working on my project/assignment the next day.
If I have to work late today and I don’t have time to go to the gym, then I’ll wake up 30 min earlier tomorrow and go for a run before breakfast.
Go ahead and implement the “if-then” plans that you have created. Evaluate their effectiveness in keeping you committed to your new habit. Change and adjust these plans to improve your commitment. See it as a learning journey and not a failure if you didn’t manage to do your “Y” when the “X” occurs. Remember that it takes time for your brain to rewire itself and for you to take on a new unfamiliar path.
Do reach out to me here if you want to have a deeper discussion on cultivating new habits and getting rid of old ones that are holding you back in living a fulfilling life.
I am also holding a group coaching session to help you create your unique resilience plan on 30 October 2020, 8:30 p.m. Singapore Time (8:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time). Reserve your place here!
