I Can Do It All
“Knowing your limits is a strength, not a weakness.”
“I can do it all!”
Or so I thought. I injured my elbow last week when I was lifting heavy objects as part of my frenzied cleaning tasks at home. Why frenzied and why did I try to stretch my weight lifting capabilities? Well, it’s because I had a very busy schedule that day and I wanted to pack in as much as I can so I ignored the warning signs that my body was telling me and pressed on. The next day, my bed gave way! The support of the bed shifted so it needed to be adjusted. I asked my son to help me lift the king-sized mattress and I adjusted the plank. He wasn’t too keen and asked me to wait for my husband to return from work as it would take more than 2 people to do the job. I didn’t listen to him, given my stubborn “controller” trait so we went ahead to sort it out ourselves. We successfully fixed my bed but as a result, I have a very painful and sore elbow which I am still slowly recovering from today. Sigh…
The above quote intrigued me. How often do we read in social media to not limit ourselves? To push forward at all costs to reach our goals and dreams? I’m guilty of saying this too as I believe that when you are passionate about something and you know it’s what you’re meant to do, you are to go all out to achieve it. That being said, my physical setback has caused me to reflect deeper on what it means to recognise your limits. There is a difference in pushing yourself outside your comfort zone (which I strongly encourage all my clients to do and I’m also personally challenging myself in this area) and recklessly and blindly pushing forward towards your goals without considering the negative impact it may have on yourself and others.
“You got to know your limits. Once is enough, but you got to learn. A little caution never hurt anyone. A good woodsman has only one scar on him. No more, no less.”
— Haruki Murakami, Japanese author
What did my injury teach me? On a practical note, it is definitely essential to not rush around carrying heavy objects without being careful of your posture and to know your physical limitations. On a more reflective note, I learnt that:
The Controller is not my friend
I had let my controller saboteur get the better of me. I went ahead with fixing my bed without considering how it would aggravate my injury further. Why did I do it? I told myself that it’s because I didn’t want to trouble my husband with it after his long day at work. However, when I made myself confront this thought truthfully, I know it’s because I am stubborn and wanted to prove to myself and perhaps to my husband and son that I can do it, that I am strong enough as a woman to do a physical task most people would think as more suited for men. I wanted to control the situation and the outcome. Fix the bed when I want it and how I want it. In hindsight, this was a foolish move.
How often do we let our saboteurs get the better of our rational mind and reasoning? How many times has the hyper achiever in us told us to burn the midnight oil, keep doing more and doing better over and over again when everyone else thinks you are amazing? Somehow, you don’t think you are enough. How often has our restless nature caused us to chase projects after projects, jobs after jobs, relationships after relationships, just because we feel that we may be losing out if we “settle”? Is the grass always greener at the other side of the fence? Do we slow down enough to appreciate our own lawn and to take care of it?
My lesson from this is to stop doing what I am doing immediately when my saboteurs show up and do my PQ (positive intelligence) reps. Just slow down, get centred then assess the situation. Do I really need to carry on doing and reacting the same way? More often than not, when you are calmer and are able to look at the situation objectively, you will find a more viable solution or approach to your situation.
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness
As I had to rest my elbow, I couldn’t do all the household chores so I needed to ask my husband and children to do more of their usual share. In the beginning, I didn’t want to do so. Somehow, asking them to help me made me feel weak. However, I knew that if I carried on being this stubborn, my recovery will take so much longer so I started asking for their help. It made me realise that asking for help is a strength. It’s my realisation that I cannot do it all by myself and that’s perfectly fine. Life is not meant to be lived that way. When I see my kids support me with their help, I know that I have allowed them to show their love, care and concern for me and that makes them feel good as well. Coincidentally, I coached a woman last week who also faced issues with asking for help and I offered her this perspective that she is not weak if she asks for help. In a way, she is empowering her team when she seeks their support as they will know that she values their individual capabilities and contribution. By allowing them to show up and help her achieve the common goals of the team, that will strengthen their team cohesion and bond. Asking for help is a sign of strength…think about it.
Rest is not laziness
I feel that way so many times this week. I know intellectually that I needed to rest but a part of me chided me in that by resting and letting others help me, I am being lazy. That is definitely not a helpful voice to listen to. What did I do instead? I chose to believe that I needed to rest as that is for my own good and that I will recover better and faster. Rest is also good for me mentally and emotionally as I cannot be working and doing things for others all the time. If I don’t take care of myself, who will? When I “break down”, how will that affect those who love me and who depend on me? I made sure I took breaks away from typing on my laptop and doing my gentle elbow stretches. I was intentional in enjoying whatever is happening in the moment and not keep jumping ahead of myself to think of completing the items on my to-do list. I was present and I was content even when my elbow hurt. My injury has really gotten me to slow down. Lesson learnt the hard way for me!
What are your thoughts on rest? Do you see it as being indulgent and lazy?
Do you struggle with being overcome by your saboteur thoughts? Perhaps, you don’t even realise that your thoughts are sabotaging you. You may think it’s just how you think. Do you find it difficult to slow down or change course to something that has more meaning in your life? Do you feel that you need to be strong all the time? Are you worried that you will be found out by others when they realise that you’re not?
Let’s have a chat about this - you can book my time here.
“Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new.”
- Barack Obama, former U.S. President
