What’s Your Cuppa?
“What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee?”
-Anthony Trollope, English novelist
For an introvert like me who recharges with spending time alone, “Absolutely nothing!” is my answer to the question posed by the novelist in his quote above. If I can spend every morning with a nice hot cup of coffee and a good book with no other demands on my time, that will be sheer bliss for me. Unfortunately, given my busy weekday morning schedule with seeing my daughters off to school and morning calls, my coffee time is often more of a necessity to keep me going rather than a luxury to be savoured.
Do you enjoy your coffee as much as I do? I enjoy a nice cup of tea every now and again but have a special relationship with coffee. Coffee has seen me through law school and bar exams, faithfully supporting me through long nights of working through my litigation files in the early years of my legal career. If I don’t drink a cup of coffee in the morning before I start my day, I often find that I am not fully functional. It’s as though I can’t start my day right without coffee. Have I refrained from drinking coffee before? Yes, when I was pregnant with each of my children but never again! My love affair with coffee is here to stay!
That’s why when I came across this article by Emily Waters on PsychCentral.com titled “What Does Your Coffee Reveal About You?”, I couldn’t resist sharing it with all of you! She extracted the information from Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s book, You Are WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life and came up with a list summarising his survey results of different coffee drinkers’ personalities based on their favourite types of coffee. Have a look and see which category you may fall into, with a pinch of salt. I don’t believe we can easily pigeon-hole ourselves into neat stereotypes based on the beverages we drink but let’s just have fun with it!
Black Coffee - Personality Traits - Old school and purist
The Light Side
Keep things simple
Patient
Efficient
The Dark Side
Can be quiet and moody
Abrupt and dismissive
Sort of set in their ways
Resistant to making changes
Latte with milk/cream and sugar - Personality Traits - Comfort seekers, people pleasers, open book, likes to soften the bitterness of life
The Light Side
Generous with time
Will go out of their way to help others
The Dark Side
Can get over-extended
Don’t always take great care of themselves
Frozen/blended coffee - Personality Traits - Try lots of new things, socially bold, trendsetters
The Light Side
Childlike
Spontaneous
Imaginative
The Dark Side
Fall for quick fixes
Don’t always make healthy choices
Can be reckless
Decaf/ soy milk/ Very specifically ordered coffee - Personality Traits - Likes being in control, may be labeled as selfish, obsessive, perfectionist, very aware of their health and bodies
The Light Side
Monitor their health
Tend to make healthy choices
The Dark Side
Overfocus on rules, control and order
Overly sensitive
Tend to be worriers
Instant coffee - Personality Traits - Traditional in some ways, laid back, may procrastinate
The Light Side
Take life as it comes
Don’t get too lost in details
The Dark Side
Too laid back
Put things off and may neglect basic health issues
Poor planners
As I said, take the above with a pinch of salt. I am a latte drinker - it’s my go-to drink, almost defaulted in my system. However, I don’t take my latte with sugar. How shall I interpret my traits then? I am an open book but without the sugar, I don’t sugar-coat the bitterness of life? Who knows?
Photo by Matt Walsh on Unsplash
We all know that personality tests and quizzes are not entirely accurate and a lot of the ones found online are not scientifically proven either. Then, why do we enjoy doing them? Why do we believe that our resilience directly correlates with our choice of favourite movie characters? Will your affinity to a particular colour have an impact on your outlook in life? Does it give us comfort to know that our preference for a particular Disney princess will indicate the personality traits of our future spouse?
I know it sounds ridiculous. I think we enjoy doing such quizzes because they provide us with simple answers on why we behave in a certain way. If I like purple, it means that I am a perfectionist. Simple, right? I don’t have to go deep and think about why I always have to ensure that everything is perfect. I can just say it’s because I like the colour purple!
We want our lives to be simple, to have clear answers to difficult issues and situations. We want to be able to categorise the causes of our bad choices in life into neat compartments. We want to take a happy pill and make all the misery disappear. It is painful for us to look at ourselves in the mirror at times, to admit the mistakes we have made and to change our perspectives on failures.
One way to find clarity for the reasons of our choices in life is to know our core values. I did the Values in Action Character Strengths survey several times during different phases of my life and each time, my top 5 values remained the same, albeit in different orders. Values are our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people and ourselves. They are what we stand for in life, how we want to behave and what sort of person we want to be.
Try this free test at https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register and discover your core values based on proven positive psychology research. If you want to explore your results and leverage on your values and character strengths to reach your goals and live a purposeful life, reach out to me here! We can talk about it over a cup of coffee!
Speed of Recovery
My heartfelt gratitude to each of you who reached out to me with encouragement and support when my youngest daughter and I came down with dengue fever last month. August was indeed a difficult month with all 3 kids being ill (yes, my teenage son was also suspected of having Covid-19 just like my middle daughter. Thankfully, like her, his test results came back negative). Dengue hit me hard and to date, I am still not 100% my usual self. I suffer from fatigue, occasional headaches and body aches. My youngest daughter, on the other hand, has fully recovered and proudly declares that she has conquered dengue with gusto!
“It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.”
- Dieter F. Uchtdorf, German aviator
My youngest daughter returned to school in the first week of September. I had asked her teacher to excuse her from any strenuous physical activities as I was concerned that it would be too much for her to handle given that she had just recovered. However, my daughter wanted to participate in her school’s sports day. She didn’t want to let her team down. Seeing how determined she was, I spoke to her teacher again and she agreed to let my daughter join the team events. Around lunch time, her teacher sent several text messages to me, informing me that my daughter gave her very best in the events and her team came out as champions! She even stepped in for a friend who couldn’t take part that day. I was so proud of her, not so much for winning but for being determined to do her best and not let her team down. When she had dengue fever, she couldn’t move much and spent most of her time sleeping. I am amazed at how quickly she recovered, both physically and emotionally. She had set her mind to do her best for her team and lived up to her word. She didn’t give up!
My road to recovery was very different from hers. As I was in pain and physically very weak, I was rock-bottom emotionally. I felt defeated. I felt frustrated. I felt angry. All my plans for the month of August had to be cancelled or rescheduled. Even when I was physically better, I was unable to find motivation to get back in the swing of things. It was as though I was stuck in a fog, unable to see my way out of it. I just gave up and did nothing!
What was the key difference here? Both my daughter and I had dengue. We both physically recovered around the same time. Yet, she bounced back so quickly and I struggled. It was our mindset. She was optimistic and looked forward to things she was excited about. I was pessimistic and looked back at the month of August with regret given all the things that were not accomplished. That stronghold of my regret and frustrations kept me from moving past this illness. I allowed myself to stay there.
The lesson I learnt is that it is our reaction to adversity that truly impacts the course of our lives and not the adversity itself. If I had been more positive like my daughter, the speed of my emotional recovery would have been much faster and smoother. I wouldn’t have wasted so much time in the fog.
“I am down. And that is okay. I may be down for a while, but I will rise again. And when I rise, I will rise higher than I’ve gone before, I will be stronger than I’ve been before. I will thrive.”
So, how did I eventually make my way out of my fog of regret, frustration and anger?
My husband told me that I was looking to put everything right all at the same time. The fact that I wasn’t able to do so prevented me from doing anything at all. I was paralysed and overwhelmed. He reminded me that I didn’t have to fix everything all at once. I know it sounds simple but I’m really an “all or nothing” type of person as I’ve shared in one of my previous blog posts.
I had to remind myself that what I’m feeling and going through is not Personal, Pervasive and Permanent. The 3Ps, a positive psychology tool on handling adversity and building our resilience muscles, proposed by Dr. Martin Seligman, a renowned psychologist, often referred to as the father of modern-day positive psychology movement, explains how we are to view our adverse circumstances.
Personal - We are often tempted to think that everything that happens to us is caused by us. The problem is with me. By shifting our perspectives and considering the possibility that external factors that are not within our control have caused our circumstances will prevent us from blaming ourselves. Once you have a more accurate view of things, you will be able to bounce back faster. I realised that it’s not my fault that my daughter and I had dengue. We were just at the wrong place at the wrong time to be bitten by that particular mosquito!
Pervasive - This is falling into the trap of thinking that one problem causes a ripple effect and applies to all areas of our lives. I was caught in this trap. I felt that every single area of my life was negatively impacted just because I was ill. Once I started realising that this isn’t so, I slowly found my way out of my fog. My husband was extremely supportive during this difficult time in our family. I also had support from my in-laws who took care of our meals and household chores when I wasn’t able to get out of bed. My coaching business was put on hold but I had understanding clients who didn’t put any pressure on me to resume their coaching sessions. Keeping the right perspective really helped me. My illness wasn’t pervasive.
Permanent - We may also think that our difficult circumstances are permanent. When we are going through adversity, it is extremely challenging and it may feel like it will never end. However, the reality is most of our adversities are not permanent. Once you are able to view the situation as temporary, you will be able to cope better with it. I have not fully recovered yet but I know now that I will come out of this experience stronger.
Don’t lose heart when you are facing adversity. Remind yourself to stop and consider the 3Ps. Is it really personal, pervasive and permanent? Once you realise that it’s not, you are already strengthening your resilience muscles. If you require more support, be it in the form of one-to-one coaching or group coaching, I would be more than happy to explore the options with you. Reach out to me here today!
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou, American poet
Coping Mechanisms
“For me, writing is a kind of coping mechanism.”
About a month ago, my 10-year-old daughter came down with high fever. When we took her to see the doctor, the advice given was for her to do a Covid-19 swab test. As she was under 12 years old, it was up to us as her parents to decide for her. It wasn’t an easy decision for us to make as we knew how uncomfortable it would be for her. We eventually agreed for her to do the test because it would eventually give us a definitive answer.
The waiting began. We were told that her test results would be made known to us within a day. I’m thankful that the waiting time was short. However, it was still 24 hours of uncertainty. Deep down in my heart, I knew that the likelihood of her contracting the Covid-19 virus was low but as a mother, I was worried.
This incident made me think about how each of us coped with the news. The two men in my family - my husband and my son - regarded the news from a practical and rational angle. It wasn’t Covid-19 because as far as we knew, she didn’t come into close contact with any Covid-19 patients. The only place she went to was school. There were no suspected cases in her school. Their deduction - it was just another viral infection and will go away within a few days of rest and medication.
My youngest daughter, the 8-year-old, thought differently. She was devastated. She dreaded going to school without her elder sister. They always walked to school together. She was also upset because she felt that it wasn’t fair that she had to go to school while her sister rested at home. She wanted to be by her sister’s side. When she returned home from school, she was disappointed that her sister was not well enough to play with her. She also felt left out because I spent more time looking after her sister than with her. The uncertainty of the situation caused her to be insecure and she didn’t know how to cope with all the emotions that were coming up for her.
What about me? What was my reaction? In short, it was all of the above! I had jumbled up feelings, seeing my daughter ill and not knowing if she had contracted the Covid-19 virus. I thought the same rational thoughts as my husband and son and at the same time, felt worried, upset and unsettled just like my youngest daughter. For fleeting moments, I imagined worst case scenarios but stopped myself as I realised that this was not doing myself or my daughter any good. I was at home with her the whole day and if I was so negative and restless, it would have been apparent to her, making her feel worse than she had already felt.
So, what were my coping mechanisms in this situation? The quote above really resonated with me. Yes, I wrote. I penned my thoughts and emotions in my journal. Seeing my words on paper was liberating. They provided a release to my anxiety and worry. I prayed. I stayed quiet and reflected on God’s goodness in our lives. I contacted my parents and parents-in-law and asked them to jointly pray for her. I reached out to close friends for support and comfort. The thought I held on to was that this was not going to last forever - it too shall come to pass.
When you reflect on your coping mechanisms during challenges, what were they? What kept you going, believing that things will work out in the end? Are you still in the midst of challenges? What are you doing to stay hopeful?
Are you like the men in my family? The first thing you will do is evaluate the available information and make a rational assessment. Then, you will move on to problem-solving mode.
Are you like me? You have ways to recognise and manage your emotions and a strong support network to reach out for help and encouragement. Despite difficult circumstances, you know you are not alone. This lightens your burdens and your grief, having another share it with you in your journey.
Do you feel helpless, devastated and overwhelmed like my youngest daughter? You feel that you still have to put up a brave front because you have so many responsibilities on your shoulders. You cannot afford others to see that you are suffering on the inside. This is not what resilience is about. It’s not about avoiding your emotions and shouldering on without healing. It’s about being able to pick yourself up and look at your circumstances with hope, taking forward-looking steps with resolve and determination.
I’m running a Group Coaching session to help you Create Your Unique Resilience Plan on 25 September 2020, 8:30 p.m. Singapore Time (8:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time). You will explore your inner resources which have helped you cope with past challenges and leverage and build upon these resources to face future challenges. This session will be conducted in a safe, non-judgmental space with me as your coach. If you feel that this is something that can help you right now, please click here to reserve your place.
You do not have to walk this path alone.
P.S. My daughter’s test result came back negative and she recovered within a few days.
All or Nothing
“…for
there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so…”
-William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2
I learned an interesting insight about myself several weeks ago. I had 2 peer coaching sessions with 2 peer coaches where I was coached on 2 different topics. Both triggered an awareness that I am an “all or nothing” person. When I look at a situation, I have this urge to decide whether I will give it my all i.e. my full commitment and see it through to completion and perhaps, even perfection OR I don’t do anything at all. I can’t seem to see any other alternatives outside this “all or nothing”. One topic was quite light hearted and yet, I was fixated that I needed to tackle the situation with a ‘big bang” solution i.e. my “all” approach or just do nothing. However, both options gave me discomfort. My peer coach helped me realise that there is a possibility that I can choose something between 0 and 100%! I know it sounds so simple but as I was so entrenched in my belief that it has to be “all or nothing”, I couldn’t see any other options. This realisation that it was perfectly fine for me to decide on something at 25% or 65% was powerful. I don’t need to go 100% all the time.
The second topic was serious one as I wanted to plan how I am to spend my time and resources on my coaching business. Again, I was stuck with this 0 or 100% perspective. I felt troubled as I could not decide how to move forward. Staying where I am now is not acceptable as I want to progress and improve my business. However, my thoughts around making the 100% mark for my business is daunting. Hence, the stuck feeling. My peer coach helped me understand the reason behind my impatience of needing to decide so quickly and so drastically. It was because in my mind, once I have decided on an action plan, there will be certainty. Certainty provides comfort for me. Then, my mind will be at ease and I can focus on the execution part of my plan. Once I have understood the urgency behind my thinking, I was able to slowly see that there are alternatives besides my 100% goals. I can take small, manageable steps towards my goals. I can experiment and see what works and what doesn’t. I learned that I don’t have to rush. I can be at ease amidst uncertainties. It wasn’t an easy learning for me simply because this was how I have always been thinking and operating. Changing or some would say, rewiring my brain takes conscious effort and determination to steer away from the normal routes I would take.
Can we really rewire our brain?
The short answer is yes. Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to adapt.
“It refers to the physiological changes in the brain that happen as the result of our interactions with our environment. From the time the brain begins to develop in utero until the day we die, the connections among the cells in our brains reorganize in response to our changing needs. This dynamic process allows us to learn from and adapt to different experiences.” – Dr. Celeste Campbell, American neuropsychologist
Our neural pathways are like the roads we walk on. Imagine that you have to walk across a lawn to go to your favourite cafe. You will be walking the same path everyday. What do you see? The grass is not growing any more on that path because you have been walking on it every day. This path is clearly defined. You’re on autopilot mode when you walk to your favourite cafe. If someone asked you to try a new route to the cafe, you would hard pressed to agree to do so. Walking on a new path will take effort. You will need to try something new and it may not be what you expect. It is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. However, trying out a new path may also lead you to new sights and sounds and maybe even, a nicer cafe than your favourite one!
All of you would have heard these sayings, “old habits die hard” and “it takes 21 days to form a new habit”. We are used to living our lives on autopilot mode. It is easier just to keep walking on our well-trodden paths than to discover new ones which provides us with new and wonderful opportunities.
How can we break free from our autopilot mode?
1) Discover your well-trodden path You will first need to understand and recognise your autopilot mode.
2) Try something different
Experiment doing something different from your usual way of thinking. Using my example, I’m learning to be comfortable in not always going for 100% when it comes to making my plans. Taking small steps in the intended direction is fine!
3) Learning a new creative skill
Doing something creative enhances the connectivity in your brain and allows for creation of new neural pathways. If you have no time to take on a new skill, just have fun singing and dancing in the privacy of your room or just try doodling.
4) Having “down” time
Taking time out to rest and recharge and do the things you enjoy like reading, meditating or even just sleeping.
Creating new neural pathways is a lifelong journey so it is important to remember to be kind to yourself and to celebrate your successes. Give yourself credit when you carved out 15 minutes of “down” time in your busy work day. Celebrate with a friend when you experimented doing something differently from your autopilot mode. The important thing is to be able to recognise your autopilot mode and realise that you don’t have to keep thinking or doing things the way you have always done them if they don’t benefit you.
You can give yourself the freedom to think differently!
I would love to hear of your insights from this post and also, please share your successes with me! Just send me a note here!
“Any man could, if he were so inclined, be the sculptor of his own brain.”
Dare to be Different
"It doesn’t matter what we do until we accept ourselves. Once we accept ourselves, it doesn’t matter what we do."
-
Charly Heavenrich, American life coach
I had an interesting conversation with my daughters several weeks ago about what they will wear for a school function. They were given an opportunity to wear their ethnic outfits, normally reserved for the Chinese New Year celebrations. I thought they will be thrilled with the idea of ditching their school uniforms. To my surprise, my girls did not want to dress up for the occasion. The youngest felt that she had outgrown her dress and it was not comfortable to wear it for the entire school day. The elder girl said it was too hot to wear the dress and may cause her to itch and have her eczema flare up. Their reasons were logical but I was concerned they may be teased at school for standing out from the rest of the prettily dressed girls. They surprised me again. They were both fine with standing out and doing what feels right for them instead of worrying about being teased or ridiculed. You can say that was a proud moment for me as their mother, that I raised my girls the right way. They are comfortable in their own skin and do not worry about what others think or say of them. However, it was also a somewhat melancholy moment for me as they are still young and have a lot to learn as they grow up. We all know that life is harsher and complicated when we are in adulthood. Is this complexity our own doing? Perhaps, but it takes a lot of courage to stand one’s ground and be secure in one’s self despite external pressures and expectations of society.
How often did you feel, even now as an adult, that you cannot be truly yourself in certain situations? How many of the following scenarios resonate with you?
When your colleagues gossip about another colleague who doesn’t quite fit in, do you feel compelled to join in? Is it easy for you to walk away or neutralise the situation?
Do you feel embarrassed or “small” when members of your extended family talk about their professional achievements? You feel that your achievements pale in comparison because you did not climb the corporate ladders like they did but chose a creative profession which you are passionate about. You stay quiet in these conversations.
When you are at a social gathering with your friends and everyone is talking about their significant others, do you feel that there is something wrong with you? Is that why you are not in a long term relationship with a potential partner? What if you don’t want to be in a relationship at this point in time? Do you feel confident in sharing your views on this?
Do you dress in a certain way, talk about certain topics and suppress your true beliefs and opinions just to get into the “in-crowd” whether it’s the “right” type of people to network with at work in order to be more visible or at family or social gatherings because you don’t want to be judged or rock the boat by saying something controversial even if it’s what you truly believe in?
I am aware that we observe certain social etiquette when we are interacting with people and are mindful of sensitive topics such as political affiliations, religious beliefs, heated issues in the news and the football team you support all year round! I’m not questioning your beliefs. My question is irrespective of whether you are the life of the party or a wallflower, are you comfortable in your own skin? Do you like yourself as you are today?
Photo by Joshua Eckstein on Unsplash
What is the difference between self-esteem and self-acceptance? Dr. Hugo Alberts (Ph.D.) – psychologist, researcher and founder of PositivePsychology.com explained the difference as follows: Self-esteem relates to how a person rates him- or herself (i.e. positive or negative) whereas self-acceptance occurs when a person just relates to him- or herself without any judgment or “scoring positive or negative marks”.
Self-esteem, in a way, is conditional self-acceptance. Self-acceptance has nothing to do with worth. It is also not about “doing” to become someone. It is just affirming yourself for who you are at this present moment, appreciating your strengths and weaknesses. You are not inferior or should have lower self-esteem because you have weaknesses. We all have weaknesses. What matters is that we recognise our weaknesses and learn to grow as a person, while at all times, being kind to ourselves because growing takes time and may be painful.
Consider and reflect on these questions to begin your journey to start accepting yourself for who you are:
Who are you?
Who are you? This time, answer without using labels, roles and job description. Yes, this is much harder to tackle!
What is the real you like? Answer in relation to your values and qualities.
How do you feel about yourself right now?
How do others make you feel about yourself right now?
What do you think others think of you?
What are you noticing when you think of others’ perception of you?
What parts of you are you dying to let out?
What would happen if you did?
What would your future self of 20 years from now advise you today?
Have fun discovering the answers to these questions and begin to fully accept yourself unconditionally. If you need support in any of the areas in your life that made you uncomfortable during this process, we would love to hear from you!
We’re also running our Group Coaching session to help you Create Your Unique Resilience Plan today! This is happening on 28 August 2020, 8:30 p.m. Singapore Time (8:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time).
To come full circle from my sharing of my daughters’ musings at the beginning of this post, this quote made me smile. I hope and pray that my daughters will still have their strong sense of self-acceptance when they are my age!
“A mother who radiates self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem”
The Tale of Two Wolves
The tale of the two wolves is a popular legend of unknown origin, often attributed to the Native American Cherokee Indians.
A young boy came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an injustice.
The old Grandfather said to his grandson, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy. Hate is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times."
"It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offence when no offence was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.”
“But the other wolf, is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper." "He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing. Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit." The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?" The Grandfather smiled and said, "The one I feed."
Story adapted from https://theacademy.sdsu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/two-wolves-cherokee-story.pdf
What thoughts come to mind as you read this tale?
The story reminds me of the choices we make in our lives. We can choose how we view a particular situation. If we start to feel anger or frustration over an event that is not in our favour, we can choose to take a step back and look at the situation objectively or we can choose to fuel the anger and frustration. Our choice will determine our reaction to the event. That same choice will also have longer lasting consequences on how we view the rest of our days, weeks, months and even years. If we have been hurt by a family member or a friend and we choose to fuel the hurt, it develops into a deep-seated resentment and hatred towards that person. As the wise grandfather advised his grandson in the story, you are only hurting yourself with your anger and hatred. It does not change anything. No one suffers more than you do.
“Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering”
I couldn’t resist the wise words of Master Yoda as I am an avid Star Wars fan! On a serious note though, there is truth in his statement. Whatever you focus your mind and energy on, you give it strength to grow and to take hold of your being. It consumes you until it becomes a part of you. If you feed anger and hate, you find that anger and hate seeps into all areas of your life.
Now that you know that what you feed, wins the battle to dominate your spirit and you have a choice to decide which wolf to feed, what can you do to ensure you feed the right wolf?
You can use mindfulness practices to be aware of your emotions. By being more aware of your emotions, you will be better equipped to take a step back and not let the emotions control you. The ability to pause and to acknowledge your emotions without rushing to react is powerful. It creates that space for you to slow down, process the emotion and then make a choice as to how you want to act or refrain from acting.
A common misconception of mindfulness is that you need to get away to a peaceful resort or a quiet place, set aside an entire day and sit cross-legged and chant.
That is not what mindfulness entails. Mindfulness simply means paying attention to the here and now. The attention can be directed to things outside ourselves or to our thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Mindful attention also means attention without judgment. We do not label the sensations and feelings immediately as positive or negative. We simply observe and accept that we are feeling these sensations and emotions.
Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash
What can you do to start cultivating mindfulness in your life?
Awareness of routine activities - as you go about your daily activities such as brushing your teeth, driving or commuting to work or having a meal, focus your attention fully on the activity - the sights, the sounds and sensations. If thoughts or distractions emerge, just notice them and then bring your attention gently back to the activity on hand. There is no judgment. It is just to practise adopting a single focus for your attention.
Awareness of your body - regularly pay attention to your body such as posture and physical sensations such as pain and tension throughout the day in various circumstances. A strong awareness of your body can serve as an early indicator of any stress-related ailments.
Awareness of impulses - when you pay attention to your automated reactions to certain emotions, you will start to see a pattern. By recognising your emotional triggers and patterns, you will be able to make a conscious choice not to be led solely by your emotions. For example, you may notice a pattern that whenever someone gives you a constructive feedback about the way you handle a particular work task, your automated reaction is to be defensive and reply curtly to that person. By recognising this, you will be able to pause and then make a conscious decision on your reaction and behaviour.
Try out these mindfulness practices with curiosity and kindness to yourself. It is not meant as an assessment or benchmark of one’s level of awareness. It is a lifelong learning journey. If you would like to explore mindfulness practices in more depth, please contact us here! We would love to support and encourage you in your journey to feed the wolf that will give you growth, peace and joy!
We’re also running our Group Coaching session to help you Create Your Unique Resilience Plan today! This is happening on 28 August 2020, 8:30 p.m. Singapore Time (8:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time).
What Part are You Playing?
We all play many roles and parts in our lives. What is your true identity when you strip all your roles away? Do you know who you truly are? Read this blog post to explore this question.
“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts,…”
- William Shakespeare (from As You Like It, spoken by Jaques)
My son was tasked to write an essay for his Social Studies assignment two weeks ago. The title of his essay was “What influences my personal identity? Name the influences and evaluate the positive and negative impact of these influences.” We had a discussion on the possible influences and I suggested Shakespeare’s quote as a starting point for his essay. If we see the world as a stage, we as actors, have a part to play at a designated time and for a designated purpose. He saw that as a student, he is playing his role in conformity to society’s expectations of him - what the school and other adults expect him to think and behave. If he acts outside of society’s norms, there will be implications of acceptance and belonging. Will society still accept him if he does not behave in accordance with society’s rules? Apart from society’s expectations, there are also our expectations of him as his parents and how his peers see him. He wrote about the responsibilities of being the eldest in the family and the pressures of setting a good example for his sisters. He also felt that he had to grow up faster than if he was just an only child. As for his peers, there is a strong element of fitting in and doing the “right” things to belong to a particular group of friends. If he doesn’t fit in a particular clique, he may run the risk of being labelled a “nerd”, a “goody-two-shoes”, a “rebel”, a “misfit” or any other undesirable labels that clearly distinguish him from that clique.
If we are honest with ourselves, the issue of conformity to societal expectations at the expense of hiding our true identity still affects us in adulthood. We just become better actors with age. We play the roles of a good upright citizen, a good employee, a good spouse, a good parent, a good son and son-in-law well. We redraft and refine our scripts so that life is easier to manage and hopefully, we find happiness along the way. Is this true though? Is life really easier and happier if we conform to external expectations at the expense of stifling our true identity?
How many “should’s”, “ought to’s” and “I have to’s” are influencing your daily decisions in life? Are these thoughts liberating you or drowning you? Do you want to tear your script and take on a whole new role, one that fills you with excitement, hope and purpose?
“Inside of every one of us is that tiny seed of the “you” that you were meant to become. Unfortunately, you may have buried this seed in response to your parents, teachers, coaches and other adult role models as you were growing up. ”
After the years of conformity and pleasing the adults in our lives, we eventually suppress our true identities, wants and desires. We strive to please others and obtain their approvals for how we live our lives. We forget who we truly are and what sparks life and joy for us. Do these statements resonate with you?
I studied medicine because my father wanted me to follow in his footsteps.
I got a “real” job because no one else in my family pursued their dream jobs.
I married this person because my mother thinks she is good for me.
I gave up the idea of being an artist because I have bills to pay.
How do you reclaim yourself and your true desires? How do you reconnect with your passions and dreams? How do you start living your life as your true self? You start by taking small steps to honour your preferences in every situation. When you are confronted with a choice, no matter how insignificant, act as if you have a preference.
“What would my choice be?”
“Which do I prefer?”
“What would I rather do?”
Practice asking and answering these questions daily to get comfortable with making choices and decisions that you really want, fulfilling you at a deeper, inner level.
Another exercise for you to start rediscovering who you truly are is to write your “I Want…” list. See if you can elicit the help of your spouse, partner, trusted family member or friend for this exercise.
Make a list of:
30 things you want to do
30 things you want to have
30 things you want to be before you die
Have him or her ask you “What do you want?” for each list. Do this for about 10 minutes and you don’t have to say the items in any particular order or according to any particular category. In the beginning, you will probably start off with material possessions like cars, houses or luxury goods. However, towards the end of this exercise, you will find that your “wants” reflect your true “you”, your dreams and passions. You may find yourself saying, “I want to be remembered as a good leader”, “I want to be surrounded by my children who are happy and healthy”, “I want to help build resilience in my community”.
You find your true voice, coming out loud and clear. How long has it been since you heard it? How do you feel hearing it aloud in front of a trusted individual? Is it liberating and empowering? Do you feel a renewed sense of purpose and excitement in your life?
If you found this exercise impacting you in a positive manner and you would like to explore ways to live your life authentically, reach out to us here today to find out how we can help you in this!
Trust the Client
As we wrap up this month’s series on the ICF Core Competencies, today’s post will give you an overview of the competencies that ICF credentialed coaches like myself adhere to in all of our coaching sessions and a glimpse of some of the many benefits a client will gain from coaching. The latest ICF Core Competency Model published in October 2019 comprises of the following components:
Demonstrates Ethical Practice: The coach understands and consistently applies coaching ethics and standards of coaching.
Embodies a Coaching Mindset: The coach develops and maintains a mindset that is open, curious, flexible and client-centred.
Establishes and Maintains Agreements: The coach partners with the client and relevant stakeholders to create clear agreements about the coaching relationship, process, plans and goals. The coach also establishes agreements for the overall coaching engagement as well as those for each coaching session.
Cultivates Trust and Safety Definition: The coach partners with the client to create a safe, supportive environment that allows the client to share freely. The coach maintains a relationship of mutual respect and trust.
Maintains Presence: The coach is fully conscious and present with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible, grounded and confident.
Listens Actively: The coach focuses on what the client is and is not saying to fully understand what is being communicated in the context of the client systems and to support client self-expression.
Evokes Awareness: The coach facilitates client insight and learning by using tools and techniques such as powerful questioning, silence, metaphor or analogy.
Facilitates Client Growth: The coach partners with the client to transform learning and insight into action. The coach promotes client autonomy in the coaching process.
These components need not be exhibited in a systematic order during a coaching session although naturally, any ethical concerns as well as the formulation and understanding of the coaching agreement between the coach and the client will occur at the beginning of the session. However, the other components such as being present, active listening, evoking awareness for the client and facilitating the client’s growth embody the whole coaching experience. The coach ensures that an environment which fosters trust, respect and openness is evident throughout the entire session. The coaching session is all about the client. The coach is the client’s partner, who helps and supports the client, within this framework of a coaching session, to seek and discover what he/she is looking for. In a transformational coaching session, the client often gains insight and in-depth understanding of who he/she really is. Most of the time, it is not about the goals. It is about “who” the client is - the client’s identity, core values, strengths, perceptions, stories and limiting beliefs.
We have the ability to set goals, strategize and implement plans to achieve them. Why is it then that we do not reach our goals? What is holding us back? It is our mindset, our limiting beliefs and the stories that we tell ourselves that prevent us from living our lives to its fullest potential.
The coach empowers you to move forward towards your goals and aspirations, to face your fears and to dig deep within for your own wealth of resources, determination and courage. The coach shines the torchlight on the areas in your life that you do not want to address but by doing so, there will be breakthrough freeing you from the stories that keep you from making your dreams a reality.
“A coach is someone who tells you what you don’t want to hear, who has you see what you don’t want to see, so you can be who you have always known you could be.”
Why hire a coach? The infographics below produced by Emma-Louise Elsey, professional life coach and founder of The Coaching Tools Company.com will give you an idea of some of the benefits you will gain from coaching. The common denominator of each coaching session is that at the end of it, you will walk away knowing yourself better with the inspiration and confidence to make a difference in your life and the lives of those around you.
Reprinted with permission from "The Launchpad" newsletter and blog - for people who love coaching. Get more helpful articles for coaches, coaching tips, free resources and more. Visit The Coaching Tools Company https://www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com to learn more.
I received advice from an experienced MCC (Master Certified Coach) in one of the ICF Singapore Chapter’s Communities of Practice meetings several months ago where she shared that in order for a coach to be effective and impactful in a coaching session is to trust the client and trust the process. The ICF Core Competency Model provides the framework for the coaching process. Every coach who adheres to this framework knows that it works. Nothing is more powerful for an individual’s growth and development than when a safe and non-judgmental space is created for one to authentically meet the man or woman in the mirror and to fully understand, cherish and marvel at the uniqueness of this person.
“At the centre of your being you know you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want.”
Contact us here to discover the benefits of coaching for yourself today!
Trust the Client…
Trust Yourself!
Shine the Light!
Have you ever set a goal and then failed to see it through to completion? This is a common occurrence for all of us. What are the possible reasons that prevent us from reaching our goals despite the best of intentions?
Lack of clear purpose of setting the goal in the first place
Lack of commitment and accountability
Fear and limiting beliefs
The goal is too vague or too big
The excuses we give ourselves
Failure to set a clear, specific and measurable plan to achieve the goal
Photo by Jason Strull on Unsplash
How can a coach support you to achieve your goals? These attributes in Competency No. 8 Facilitates Client Growth of the ICF Core Competencies shine the light on how a coach can do so:
The coach acknowledges and supports client autonomy in the design of goals, actions and methods of accountability.
The coach supports the client in identifying potential results or learning from identified action steps.
The coach invites the client to consider how to move forward, including resources, support and potential barriers.
The design of the goals and the steps to take towards these goals originate from the client. The coach helps the client see the goal clearly and addresses any limiting beliefs and fears holding him/her back from progressing in these goals. The coach partners with the client to plan and strategize his/her own accountability and support structures to stay focused and on track.
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams; live the life you imagined.”
What Makes a Goal a Reality?
Your goal must be believable to you. Do you believe that you can achieve your goal? If you do not have this belief, your goal is doomed to failure from the start.
You are clear on the purpose of your goal. Ask yourself, “Why do I want this goal?” Is it for you alone? Does the goal serve a wider purpose for the wellbeing of your family, friends and community? Are you pursuing this goal because it is what your parents want you to do? Be crystal clear on why you want this goal.
It is specific and measurable. You would have heard of the acronym SMART goals - goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time bound (has a deadline).
It is communicated to others. By sharing your goals with trusted individuals, you have the opportunity to clarify your goals and to seek support from these individuals.
You accept that there are internal and external roadblocks. It is a natural part of your growth and learning journey. These obstacles are not to be feared or avoided. You have the inner wisdom, resolve and resources to deal with them positively.
Once you understand your WHY - your reason for wanting to achieve these goals - you're 90% there! Do also consider if your goals are aligned with your core values. The more a goal aligns with your core values, the easier it will be for you to plan and work towards achieving it. This is not to say that we will not be able to achieve goals that are not aligned with our values but it is definitely harder to do and less satisfying. State your goals in the positive, e.g. “I want to be healthy at my ideal weight of 65kgs by 31 Dec 2020” rather than “I want to lose 10kgs by 31 December 2020”.
The following are some questions which you can ponder on to be clearer on your goals and to plan strategies towards achieving them:
Desired Outcome
What is it that you really, REALLY want?
What is the SPECIFIC outcome you're looking for?
What is the PAIN for you of NOT achieving your goal?
Alignment with your Values
Are the goals something YOU truly want, or are they something you think you SHOULD have or SHOULD be doing?
When you think about your goal, does it give you a sense of deep contentment, happiness and excitement?
If you could have the goal RIGHT NOW – would you take it? If not, why not?
How does this goal fit into your life?
Identifying Obstacles
What might you have to give up/stop doing to achieve this goal? Are you willing to do it?
If there was something important around achieving this goal, either to help you succeed or that could get in the way that you haven't mentioned yet, what would it be?
WHO will you have to BE to achieve this goal?
Resources
What resources (e.g. things, support from people, contacts, personal strengths, knowledge, skills, time, money) do you already have to help you achieve your goal?
What resources do you need to help you achieve your goal?
What will be your first small step towards getting the resources you need?
Photo by Samuel Clara on Unsplash
Remember your reason for wanting to pursue these goals. It is important to be kind and gentle with yourself. If you do not succeed at first, do not give up. Every setback in life provides an opportunity for growth as a person. By setting purposeful goals, you will be inspired to live life fully and intentionally.
Contact us today! We would love to partner with you in your journey towards achieving your goals in life!
“The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get.”
Hello??!
“People don’t listen to understand. They listen to reply. The collective monologue is everyone talking and no one listening.”
Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash
One of the ICF Core Competencies that the coach really has to master in order to effectively support the client is Competency No. 6 Listens Actively. You would have thought that talking/speaking is the skill that requires active participation on our part. On the contrary, to actively listen takes a lot more effort than speaking. This competency is defined as the ability of the coach to focus on what the client is and is not saying to fully understand what is being communicated in the context of the client systems and to support client self-expression. The coach will have to relinquish all sense of judgment and preconceived ideas of what the client is bringing into the coaching session. A coaching session is never about the coach. The coaching session is purely for the client to fully express himself/herself in a safe and non-judgmental space.
Too often in the busyness and hectic pace of our lives, we do not slow down to listen to the people we communicate with. How many times have we listened only to respond? How many times have we not even heard a word that was said because our minds were too preoccupied with our own thoughts and concerns? You have experienced this at the family dining table, in team meetings, in training sessions and even in one-to-one conversations. You would justify to yourself saying that you do not have the time to just be there to listen to what the other person has to say. Your time is better spent managing the many tasks that are demanding your attention for the day. Life is too short to just sit down and be present to the person at the other end of the table. Is that so?
How did you feel when you were not listened to?
These feelings and thoughts may come up for you:
Misunderstood
Lack of importance
Sad
Not respected
Unsupported
Nobody cares
Unappreciated
Insignificant
Unworthy
Invisible
Contrast these feelings to the feelings you felt when you were truly listened to, where the other person gave you his/her full attention and was fully present. You probably felt some, if not all, of these feelings:
Acknowledged
Understood
Valued
Encouraged
Hopeful
Special
Important
Supported
Relieved
Connected
Stephen Covey in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, described communication as the most important skill in life. Habit 5 is Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood.
Stephen Covey explained that typically, we listen with our own lenses of experience and judgement and form our responses accordingly. He called this type of listening “autobiographical listening”.
Which of these types of autobiographical listening can you identify with?
Evaluating: You judge and then either agree or disagree.
Probing: You ask questions from your own frame of reference.
Advising: You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
Interpreting: You analyse others' motives and behaviours based on your own experiences.
In order to practise Habit 5, you will have to learn how to listen empathetically. Stephen Covey defined empathetic listening as listening with the intent to understand, to really understand. In order to really understand, you will need to get inside another person’s frame of reference. You need to see the world the way they see it, through their lenses. In other words, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see the world as they see it.
In order to listen actively and empathetically, one has to:
Listen with a clean slate without interference from one’s thoughts and judgments.
Listen without the intention to respond.
Listen from a place of curiosity.
Listen with your ears to the exact words and not to interpret but to seek clarification.
Listen with your eyes to see if the non-verbal language is congruent with the words used.
Listen with your heart and feel the emotions.
I was taught this simple acronym to remind myself as a coach to resist the urge to interrupt the client before he/she has finished speaking.
W.A.I.T - “Why Am I Talking"?”
The coach will only interrupt the client if there is a clear coaching intention to it such as to clarify the session goal if what is shared clearly deviates from it. The coaching session, as a whole, allows the client to have the space to express his/her thoughts aloud. This is powerful because we seldom have the opportunity to think aloud without concerns of being laughed, ridiculed or misunderstood. In this safe space, the client will be empowered and inspired to come up with ideas and strategies to move forward in their personal and professional goals.
Have you experienced being listened to in this manner? Do you want to have an opportunity to move forward towards your goals with the support of a coach? Contact me here to start this amazing journey!
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”
Who's looking over your shoulder?
Photo by Tetiana SHYSHKINA on Unsplash
Competency No. 8 in the ICF Core Competencies is Facilitates Client Growth. This competency is exhibited when the coach partners with the client to transform learning and insight into action while promoting client autonomy in the coaching process at all times. The coach supports the client to design goals, actions and accountability measures that integrate and expand new learning. These design of goals, actions and methods of accountability must be formulated by the client taking into account his/her unique way of thinking and learning.
What image pops up in your mind when you think of the word “accountability”? Is that one of a boss looking over your shoulder to see to it that you are doing your work properly? When you were younger, you were accountable to your parents, teachers and other figures of authorities such as your football coach, the head prefect and your cell group leader. When you’re older, you’re accountable to your spouse, your other family members who rely on you, your superiors at work, your friends, your community, the government and whomever else you have given your word to do something for. However, have you ever considered being accountable to yourself?
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines accountability as an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions. Let’s say that you have been tasked to finish a work project on time. You’re accountable to your manager, your teammates and your company to complete this project successfully on time. However, if you take away all these external accountability factors and if you know that no adverse consequences will befall you if you do not finish on time, will you still be accountable simply because you gave your word to yourself that you will finish this project on time?
What keeps you accountable for your actions?
“If I could give one tip for people – it’s not an exercise or nutrition regimen. It’s to walk your talk and believe in yourself, because at the end of the day, the dumbbell and diet don’t get you in shape. It’s your accountability to your word.”
Are you accountable to your promises to yourself? How do you feel when you attempt to answer this question? Is it easy to say yes or are you struggling to answer? You owe it to your own well-being to be accountable to your word. How do you feel when a family member or friend lets you down by forgetting to turn up for a dinner engagement or by breaking their promises to you? When you break your own promises to yourself, self-doubt creeps in and your confidence in your virtues and abilities is shaken. Being accountable to yourself is to own up for your life and not blame anyone else for the circumstances you are in. Being accountable actually gives you the power of resolve and determination to see through your plans and goals.
What can you do to start building up your internal accountability muscles?
You can start with a small goal and use this simple method called the “WOOP Method” developed by Noel Lyons (Noel Lyons MSc –http://www.WellCoach.co.uk) of an exercise described by Gabriele Oettingen.
“WOOP” is an acronym for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle and Plan. Firstly, identify your desired goal or wish (W). In the second step, visualise the desired result or outcome of your goal as though it has crystalized (O). Next, identify the potential factors that may stand in the way of your achievement of this goal or wish (O). Finally (P), create a plan is to overcome potential obstacles to realize your goal.
By using the WOOP Method, you will be formulating your goal clearly in your mind. When you describe your goal or wish, you will discover your true reason for wanting to achieve this goal. By understanding the reason for wanting this goal, it will be easier for you to keep to your word and be accountable to yourself.
WISH (W)
Identify one crucial goal or wish.
Name or summarise it in 3 to 6 words.
What is the meaning of this goal or wish for you?
OUTCOME (O)
Envision the positive result you wish to create.
Name the #1 benefit your goal or wish will produce for you.
Identify the best outcome in 3 to 6 words and write it down.
OBSTACLE (O)
What blocks your path?
What obstacle within you stands in your way?
What personal behaviours are working against you? Name your main obstacle and write it down.
PLAN (P)
Write down ONE specific action you can take to overcome or get around your obstacle, to reach your goal (the #1 most effective thing you could do).
Write down the time and place where you believe the obstacle (your personal behaviour or beliefs) will arise.
Then write down your if-then plan: ‘If (obstacle) X occurs (when and where), then I will perform (effective action) Y (to overcome obstacle)’.
The key is to start with short term simpler goals and to practise daily. Once you are familiar with the WOOP Method and can use it confidently and with ease, try practising it in various areas in your life.
I would love to hear your experiences and results from practising the WOOP Method. Have fun with it!
“I measure my success based on how much fun I’m having.”
What's Your Story?
I hope you enjoyed my blog posts, River Series, last month. I appreciate your feedback and please let me know if you want to read more posts on the River Series. As for the month of July, I’ll be sharing my thoughts on several of the International Coaching Federation’s (ICF) Core Competencies. ICF Core Competencies support coaches in their delivery of their coaching sessions in a professional manner, aimed to bring out the best results for their clients, both personally and professionally. For today’s post, I’ll be writing on some aspects of Core Competency No. 7 Evokes Awareness. According to ICF, this competency seeks to “facilitate client insight and learning by using tools and techniques such as powerful questioning, silence, metaphor or analogy.” The coach will explore with the client his/her ways of thinking, values, needs, wants and beliefs. What patterns influences the client’s thoughts and beliefs? Once these patterns are identified, the coach will work with the client to move him/her forward in their goals and aspirations. The client’s limiting beliefs and fears will be addressed and the coach will invite the client to reframe existing perspectives to create new ways of thinking that are beneficial for him/her.
“When you understand, that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, American author
Let’s imagine your life is a movie and you play the leading role. What type of movie would it be? Would it be a romantic comedy (my favourite genre, by the way!), an action packed adventure, a gripping courtroom drama, a tear jerker or an epic production comprising of a prequel, a trilogy and an epilogue (that’s also another favourite genre of mine - Star Wars and Lord of the Rings come to mind!)?
As the lead in your movie, what are your strengths and virtues? Are you a strong, confident and inspiring lead? Do you often see yourself as the underdog, always fighting to be heard and to prove yourself? Do you find yourself like the accused on the witness stand, trying your best to fend off the prosecutor’s relentless questions? Do you see yourself as the martyr, always suffering for others and not taking enough care of yourself?
The main question for you to answer here is, “Are you happy with your current story?” If not, what would you want your story’s plot to be? Are you able to edit or start afresh?
Photo by Denise Jans on Unsplash
The answer is yes but we have to first confront our stories. Most of the time, we are unaware that the decisions that we make in our lives are directly impacted by the stories we tell ourselves. It is so ingrained in us that we believe that these stories are true and that there is no other way to look at the situation. If we were told at a very young age that girls are meant to be demure and that we should not speak up unless we are first spoken to, this “truth” will subconsciously stay with us to adulthood. Perhaps, it’s this story that you are holding on to that results in you being awkward in meetings at work. It affects your confidence in showing up, being assertive and pushing yourself to achieve all that you dream of.
What if we changed this story? Girls, like boys, are unique individuals. There are some girls who are quieter than others and that’s fine. However, this does not mean that they do not have anything important to say. There are some girls who know from a very young age what they want in their lives. They are heroines in their own right and do not require anyone to save them. How will these stories influence you in adulthood? Will you be bolder to present yourself courageously at work and in life? Would you enthusiastically step into the shoes of a heroine?
What are the stories that you are telling yourself? Do any of these stories sound familiar to you?
I always have to work harder than everyone else and yet, I see everyone else succeeding with ease and getting ahead of me.
I can never earn enough money. I am always falling behind.
I don’t know what she will see in me. She’s intelligent, capable and beautiful. What can I offer her as her life partner?
They look so happy as a family. I will never have a family like that.
Something awful always happens to be me, no matter what I do.
How can you break free from these limiting stories? The first thing is to be aware that these are just stories, your perceptions of the events and circumstances in your life. They are not reality. Ask yourself these questions to become more aware of your stories.
What are my “shoulds” in life?
E.g. “I should always be nice and give in, even when I don’t like it because it’s the right thing to do.” or “I should just give up as I would never succeed anyway so what’s the point in trying?”
What do you think your stories are protecting you from?
How are my stories helping me in this situation/in my life?
How different would my life be if I changed just a scene or two from my story?
If you can rewrite your story, what would it look like?
Now that you are more aware of your stories, what can you do about them? Are you happy with your current stories? If the answer is yes, that is fantastic news! I hope you can share these questions with your family and friends to help them to become more aware of their stories. If you are not thrilled about your stories and want support to edit, rewrite or even tear up the entire script (!), please reach out to us here today to find out how we can help you write new stories or relive old happy ones!
An Attitude of Acceptance
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash
“Ask the river, where it comes from? You will get no answer. Ask the river, where is it going? You will get no answer, because the river lives inside this very moment; neither in the past nor in the future, in this very moment only!”
Following on from my blog post last week on letting go, I’ve been reflecting on my own thoughts and behaviours towards a difficult personal situation in my life which involved dealing with an individual who overstepped boundaries. I must admit it has been difficult to sit with my emotions and make firm decisions to see things through. I felt hurt, angry and frustrated, to the point that I can’t seem to find a way out. The quote above resonated with me. It’s not the “river” I asked but God. He appeared silent. No answer. What do I need to do to find a solution? No answer. What do you want me to learn from this? No answer. Where is the justice in all this? No answer. How long will this last? No answer. I wrestled with God, to the point of demanding answers, bargaining with Him and just crying out as I was at my wits’ end.
Then, I just accepted the situation. By acceptance, I don’t mean a feeling of resignation and defeat. I just came to a point where I told myself, “I’ve done all that I can to make the situation better. I know that I am not in the wrong. My conscience is clear and my integrity is intact. I can do nothing more now.”
Surprisingly, just by saying that aloud and even now as I type these words, the feeling is liberating. I feel lighter, as though a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I still don’t know the outcome if I will ever be vindicated. However, the realisation that came to me when I accepted the situation is that there are lessons for growth to be learnt. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and mulling about why this is happening to me, I decided to take a step back and ask myself the following questions:
How has this experience changed me?
What has this experience taught me?
How has the experience equipped me to handle similar situations in the future?
What have I learnt as a lesson of growth from this experience?
Photo by Florian van Schreven on Unsplash
This experience has changed me in that it has increased my self-confidence. I now know that I have a stronger inner resolve and wisdom to face this situation and similar situations in the future and still come out of it still honouring God with my words and actions.
It has taught me that I am prone to be critical of myself when unfavourable circumstances arise. I have a tendency towards self-blame, taking on too much responsibility of the actions of others. Does this behaviour serve me in any way? Of course not! It has made me realise that I am not responsible for causing anyone else to behave in a certain way. They are perfectly capable of managing their own emotions. If they fail to do so and behave negatively, I am not to be blamed.
What is my lesson of growth? I believe it’s to continue to trust in God and His promises despite not knowing the answers. It’s to be comfortable with the unknowns while resting on the truth that He loves me and all is still within His control, even if I don’t see or feel it.
It reminds me of the times when I woke up from nightmares as a child. My first urge was to run to my parents’ bedroom to wake them up but as I grew older, the fact that I knew that they were in the room next to mine gave me comfort. I didn’t need to see or hear them. Similarly, I know that God has not abandoned me and I draw strength from the many times in the past that He has seen me through difficult times in my life.
What can you do when you face adversities and circumstances that shake you to the core? How does adopting an attitude of acceptance help you? Jack Welch, CEO of General Electric, said, “Face reality as it is, not as it was or as you wish it to be.” I would add that with this state of acceptance in facing reality as it is, your mind becomes clearer when figuring out the solutions to the circumstances. You are not dwelling on the past on how good things were back then. You are also not distracted by the uncertainties and fears of what the future holds. You are fully present to look at reality as it stands now.
It may be helpful for you to consider the four questions I posed in this blog post. These questions will prompt you to reflect and go deep within yourself to consider your inner strengths and resources to emerge from the adversities stronger than before they occurred in your life. These questions will also help you look at the difficult situation in your life from a different perspective - one of discovery, learning and growing as opposed to one of struggle, fear and despair.
I want to acknowledge your courage in making this decision to start exploring this new way of looking at the adversities in your life. Each small step that you take in changing your perspectives will reap tremendous benefit for your mental and emotional well-being. If you would like to explore further ways to change your perspectives, we would be more than happy to support you. Contact us here!
Reset Button
“Rivers have what man most respects and longs for in his own life and thought - a capacity for renewal and replenishment, continual energy, creativity, cleansing.”
- John Kauffmann, Australian author
How have you been feeling these past few months? Has it been a time of renewal and replenishment? You have had more time at home to reflect on how your life has been and made the necessary changes to improve your well-being as well as those around you. You slowed down, cherished the simplicity of life and were truly present with and appreciative of those around you.
Have you also used this time of staying at home to learn a new skill or rekindle an old hobby? You find joy in creating new dishes for the family. You have started painting and sewing again. You became the handy man of your household, exploring new ways to maximise the space in your storeroom. You finally have time to implement the KonMari Philosophy which you picked up from your faithful viewing of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix.
For some, these past few months have been difficult and stressful. You find yourself busier than ever, coping with the lack of boundaries between home and work and home-schooling your children. You also find yourself worrying about your parents’ health and well-being, about your children who are now abroad either studying or working, about your job security, about your finances and the future for you and your family.
We are inundated with news articles and social media posts with buzz words and hashtags such as “the new normal”, “contact tracing”, “social distancing”, “zoom-bombing”, #stayhome, #flattenthecurve and #WFH (work from home). on 22 April 2020, one of the headlines on ABC News was “Cleaner air due to coronavirus pandemic makes Earth Day 50th anniversary celebration bittersweet for environmentalists.” “We’re seeing in some places the best air quality in decades,” Bill Magavern, the policy director for the Coalition for Clean Air, told ABC News. “It is very good for our lung health that air pollution is down during this time of crisis.”
Perhaps, this period offers the world a reset button to restore the health of the earth. Some may even say it is a reset button for all of us because we are now acutely aware of how fragile life is and not to take it for granted. We have spent less on material goods and more on learning, growing and improving oneself. We have allowed ourselves to experience our emotions and not suppress or push them away. Life is painful, raw and real. At the same time, it is beautiful, resilient and inspirational.
What awaits us in the “new normal”?
I don’t know. What I do know is that I have learnt a few things about myself during this period. Firstly, I have learnt to accept my emotions more freely and allowed myself to feel sad, discouraged, anxious, angry and frustrated with the unhappy events in my life these past few months. I typically tell myself that to be brave and strong, that these emotions are not helpful to me. I distract myself from them and suppress them.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
However, I now realise that by allowing myself to sit with these emotions and to give them time to surface is actually healthy. It is such a release for me when I give myself permission to feel these strong emotions. I am actually able to get back on my feet quicker than if I denied their existence.
The second lesson for me is to slow down. I am usually very task oriented and a perfectionist at times. I like to get the job done and find satisfaction in fixing things. However, the reality is not all things can be fixed. I realise this now and resist rushing into “solution-mode” whenever my children come to me with their problems. Instead, I take the time to listen to them, to truly hear what they are thinking and feeling and to invite them to come up with their ideas to solve their problems. This approach works better for all of us as they learn how to handle difficult circumstances by using their own resourceful minds and I learn to let go.
This brings me to my third lesson - letting go. I have been stressed in certain occasions when I feel the need to make things right for those whom I love even though it is not possible for me to do so. During this Covid-19 pandemic, so many things are beyond my control. I worry about my parents and do not know when I can visit them again as they live in Malaysia and the restrictions on cross-border travel have not been lifted. My husband is going through a stressful time at work and I just want to make things better for him. My father-in-law has health issues and is also going through a rough patch these past 3 months. All in all, I felt helpless. However, after much prayer and reflection on God’s Word, I am reminded and comforted that God is in control. All I need to do is to cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me (taken from 1 Peter 5:7, NIV). This realisation has also given me the much-needed relief from my stress and worries. I learnt that my job is not to fix things for God but to let go and trust that God will use me as an instrument when He chooses to do so. It is not easy for me to feel vulnerable, slow down, let go and surrender all but I am now living these lessons on a daily basis. I trust that these lessons will help me to be resilient and hopeful to face what lies ahead in the “new normal”.
What have you learnt about yourself during this pandemic? What buttons need resetting in your life? Do you need support to thrive and flourish in the “new normal”?
Time...
“Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.”
Photo by Simon Wilkes on Unsplash
What feelings and thoughts are evoked when you see the word “time”? Are you feeling happy thinking of the available time that you have now to be able to do the things that you have put off doing? Does the word trigger feelings of anxiety and stress because there is so much to do within such a short span of time? Are there feelings of frustration and uneasiness because you are not able to resume your normal routines? Is there regret because you cannot turn back the clock to set things right with a loved one? Does the thought of what the future holds for you bring you expectant hope or worries and despair?
What does time mean for you?
Lexico.com powered by Oxford University Press defines time as follows (the list below is not exhaustive):
A point of time as measured in hours and minutes past midnight or noon.
As a verb - plan, schedule, or arrange when (something) should happen or be done. E.g. the first race is timed for 7:30a.m.
An instance of something happening or being done; an occasion. E.g. this is the first time the baby tasted ice cream.
The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.
As I write this, it is the last definition that resonates with me the most. The events of my past, present and future are viewed as a whole. We tend to hold on to snapshots of our lives that make us happy and try out best to sift out and discard the unhappy moments. Some of us may have the tendency to look at life through rose-tinted glasses, holding on to an optimistic and wistful perspective of events and circumstances. There are others who only see the negative side of things and take the gloomiest possible view. Then, there are the individuals whom we admire - those who are able to maintain a balanced outlook in life, realistic and practical while remaining hopeful and resilient despite the unfavourable circumstances. Which category do you think you fall into?
Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash
As I reflect on the word “time”, the feeling of nostalgia fills me. Tomorrow is my 17th wedding anniversary. I chose the quote from Marcus Aurelius because it reminded me that the events in our lives flow like the river. As much as we want to hold on to a current feeling, a current event or even a person at that point in time, we are not able to. The flow of time will take it away and it is pointless to resist and fight it as it goes against the course of nature.
I recall the day my husband and I exchanged our wedding vows at Leicester City Council in a small quiet ceremony on a sunny, breezy afternoon. We had a simple lunch and spent time in the backyard of my husband’s home, looking at the flowers and bees and discussing our future together with excitement and anticipation. We were both young and idealistic then. After 17 years and blessed with 3 children, our marriage has grown and matured in so many ways. So have we as individuals. A small part of me wishes to hold on to that summer afternoon, for it not to be swept away. Things appeared simpler then. Perhaps, I am looking back to that day with rose-tinted glasses. The reality is that my wedding day was just a snapshot of my life. My husband and I have since had countless snapshots of the good, the bad and the ugly of marriage. If I were to keep holding on to that point in time, I will miss out on opportunities to be fully present to enjoy the here and now with my husband and my children. There is nothing wrong in reminiscing on the good old days but if we hold on to them too tightly, we are not living in the present and appreciating what we have now.
Are you holding on too tightly to a memory, an event or a way of life from your past? What are you not willing to let go of? What is keeping you from living life in the present with expectant hope for the future?
Reach out to us today to discover how to move forward in your life with gratitude and hope!
Navigating the Bends
“The river is constantly turning and bending and you never know where it’s going to go and where you’ll wind up. Following the bend in the river and staying on your own path means that you are on the right track. Don’t let anyone deter you from that.”
If you see your life’s journey as a river, what does your river look like?
Is it like a tranquil stream, peaceful and flowing smoothly, enriching the plants and animals on its banks? Does it look more like the rapids, ranging on powerfully and breaking through everything in its path with great force? Does your river meander, one that winds back and forth, rather than following a straight course? Is the flow of your river blocked with too many structures built on it to slow down its natural flow?
As I reflect on these questions, I realised that my own river has gone through all these stages at various phases of my life. It is currently in the phase where the flow of my river is blocked and restricted and there are bends to navigate in order for my river to flow smoothly again. I believe many of you are experiencing this phase right now due to the restrictions imposed on us during this season of the Covid-19 pandemic.
As a family, we are navigating the new school schedules and adapting to new ways of learning amidst requirements to conduct ourselves differently. My elder daughter is back at school this week and is adjusting to the various restrictions imposed on her for her own good such as putting on face masks or face shields and physical distancing. My other two children are still at home this week due to their timetables and learning virtually through the various online platforms. This is the “new normal” for them for the coming weeks, if not, months.
As for me, I will not be able to do in-person coaching and workshops even after the easing of our government’s restrictions on physical movements and interactions to avoid the second wave of the spread of this illusive virus. There are days when I feel frustrated and even trapped in my current circumstances. When I feel this way, it drains a lot of my energy and I start doubting my own capabilities. I have concerns about growing my business and my well thought up plans pre Covid-19 appear to be shelved indefinitely.
Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash
How do I stay on my path despite my feelings of doubt and insecurity? I remind myself that it is normal to feel these emotions and not be hard on myself to “fix” my own emotions. Emotions are meant to be felt but they do not form my reality. They may cloud my view of my circumstances but these emotions are fleeting in themselves. It is easy to dwell on them and let them occupy our minds all the time.
We require discipline and focus to stay on our respective paths despite the foggy circumstances. As long as we are crystal clear on our goals and aspirations, we will eventually achieve them. The roads we take to get there may be longer, winding, bumpy, filled with potholes and we may have to take U-turns and rethink our routes. I strongly believe that I will reach my destination because I clearly know what I want and more importantly, the “why” of my aspirations. My “why” goes beyond my own personal needs and satisfaction. My “why” is that through coaching, I will be able to help and support many individuals to discover their “whys” as well and to live their lives fully to positively impact the lives of their family, friends and the communities they live and work in. This is how I stay focus on my path when my feelings attempt to distract me.
The famous author, Simon Sinek, poses the question on the importance of knowing your “why” in his book, Start With Why, “Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY I mean your purpose, cause or belief - WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?”
Knowing your “why” will make it easier to figure out your “how” - how do you work towards achieving your goals and pursuits? In organisational terms, how will you operationalise your “why”? Clarity comes when you are very clear on your “why”. Simon Sinek goes on to say that it is not that difficult to figure out your “why” but the main obstacle is to trust your gut and instinct over the outside influences and to stay true to your purpose, cause or belief.
How clear are you on your “why”? Do you have a vivid image of it in your mind that keeps you focused and committed to your path? Are you facing setbacks or struggling with difficulties to stay on course despite knowing your “why”? Are your fears and limiting beliefs holding you back? Are you are doubting your own instincts?
Do you trust yourself?
Let us help you uncover and rediscover your “why” which may be lost and buried due to the busyness in your life and constant demands imposed on you. Contact us to get started today by clicking here!
Standing Firm
An inspired painting done as a gift to me from my friend, Lisa Tan. If you like what you see, visit her Instagram page at https://www.instagram.com/travellingfeet88/.
Do you know what your core values and principles are? These are your '“non-negotiables” that serve as your compass through the various roads, including road-blocks, diversions and U-turns in your life. These principles are what you hold dear and close to your heart. Your core values create the essence of your identity. They form the basis and the foundation on which you build your life.
If you make a decision or commit to an action that is not aligned with your core values, you will feel a sense of uneasiness and discomfort. You may not feel it instantly if you are not in tune with your core values due to the busyness and distractions of today’s hectic pace of life. However, this sense of misalignment will eventually hit you because you will realise that something is not quite right with those areas in your life where you are not living in alignment with your core values.
“Despite the ferocity of the current, a river is always moving but it’s always in the same place. And much like a river, while we should surge forward with great ferocity, our principles should never move.”
This quote resonates with me because the author uses the river to illustrate clearly that no matter what we face in our life’s journeys, how strong and impactful our experiences may be, we will be able to hold firm to our core values and principles and continue to thrive, to flourish. There will be moments when we feel that we cannot stay afloat but when we draw strength from the essence of who we are and the values that we embody, we will be able to stand firm, growing and learning from these challenging moments in our lives.
I recently took the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test along with a few other personality tests just to gauge if my core values and principles have changed over time. I was quietly surprised and assured when I received my test results. I’ve taken the MBTI tests at various stages in my life and I’ve always obtained the result of being a Nurturer (ISFJ). A true introvert who is observant and pragmatic while being empathetic and has a strong work ethic. My strong work ethic and sense of responsibility have led me to my legal career as I believe in fairness and justice for all. My second wind in life was brought about by my trait of empathy and compassion. Being a coach enables me to understand and connect with individuals at a much deeper level than in everyday conversations. Coaching gives me a sense of purpose that is higher than my own personal desires.
Photo by Linus Nylund on Unsplash
As a believer in the Christian faith, I know that this is my calling. By holding onto my core values of gratitude, honesty and a love for learning, I have been able to grow so much from the challenging circumstances and obstacles in my life. I always remind myself that despite the external circumstances that are beyond my control, God is in control. The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4: 11-12 (NIV), “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” This is how I stand firm when crisis hits! What do you draw on for your strength when you face difficulties and challenges in your life?
If you want to explore more about your core values and principles and work on aligning them in your daily living, reach out to us here today! We are more than happy to hear from you and find out we can support you to thrive and flourish through these unprecedented, uncertain times!
The Power of Persistence!
I had a recent conversation with my teenage son on his goal to be one of the highest ranking “MVP”s (Most Valued Player) in his favourite online game. He was recounting his efforts in making daily progress and collecting badges and ranking points in this game. He plays the game whenever he can carve out time from his school work and other activities. He gives up sleep, much to my disapproval, just to “grind” the game during weekends. He grins in satisfaction whenever he sees his name moving up in the ranks of global players. There is, of course, the anguish and pain when he encounters a losing streak which then causes him to drop several notches from his desired ranking position. He has even declared numerous times, out of frustration, that he will never play the game again! Does he stop? The answer is no. I believe that he doesn’t quit playing this game despite the agony of countless defeat because he finds meaning and a sense of purpose in it. That’s what keeps him going! I personally don’t see the purpose but who am I to judge? We are all unique individuals. The beauty is that we all find meaning and purpose in something that may be completely nonsensical to everyone else!
Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash
“A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence.”
Have you felt similar motivation and drive to pursue a goal, an aspiration or a dream just like my son with his online game? How did you keep yourself going despite the hardship, the fatigue, the disappointments and the obstacles? Who were your greatest supporters, your cheerleaders? How did you stay focus to reach the light at the end of the long tunnel? Despite the difficulties and the challenges, would you give up your goal or your dream? I believe you wouldn’t because you find meaning and purpose, even a calling, in your pursuit to make your dream a reality.
Photo by Christiaan Huynen on Unsplash
My journey to be a certified professional coach was exactly that…a journey. There were moments when I felt that I have taken on too much during my training, given my commitments in my work and family. I felt discouraged when the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so far away. There were road blocks, delays and naysayers who made my journey even harder.
How did I stay the course despite the challenges, the long hours and my inner self critic? It’s because I find meaning and purpose in being a professional coach. I believe that it is my calling, that God intended me to use this gift to help people who are looking for their own purpose and meaning in life. The wonderful thing about training as a coach is that you reap the benefits of being coached by your peer coaches. These wonderful coaches have helped me gain clarity and self-awareness to stay motivated and focused towards my goal to complete my professional coach certification and start my coaching business.
What thoughts and feelings come up for you when you read this blog? Are you staying the course towards your goals and dreams? Do you need support and encouragement to persist, to move forward and to keep going towards the light at the end of your tunnel? I would be honoured to be your companion traveller in this exciting journey! Contact me today to find your power of persistence!
Closed doors
What is your beginning? The obvious and most logical answer is the day that you were born. This is not a trick question. My intention in asking this question is for you to reflect if you can pinpoint a time in your life when you felt that it was indeed a new beginning, a new chapter in your life. Perhaps, it was the day you became a teenager or when you graduated from high school. That moment when you received your first job offer. or when you knelt down and proposed to your girlfriend.
We all have different definitions of our beginnings. One (or shall I say three?) of my most impactful beginnings was when I became a mother to my 3 amazing children. Each beginning was unique and memorable. These beginnings have also shaped me into who I am today. As for my coaching journey, my beginning occurred when I took the leap of faith to start my coach training. My journey as a coach has enabled me to fully understand and know myself. I have also been privileged and honoured to have formed many strong relationships with fellow coaches around the world where we continually support one another in our respective coaching journeys. Do I wish I could turn back time? Not for these events in my life but yes, there are other events in my life where I wish I was wiser and made better choices. However, just as we all have our beginnings, it is not humanly possible to turn back time to the source, the catalyst that propelled us to where we are now.
“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.”
Do we linger on, looking at the closed doors in our lives? Do we let these closed doors hold us back from exploring other doors that are wide open? We may be too focused on the closed doors that we do not even notice the opportunities and possibilities in our lives.
What are your closed doors? Was it that harsh comment made by your father when you didn’t meet his expectations as a 10-year-old boy? Was it when you received critical feedback about your job performance from your manager? Was it when you didn’t obtain the promotion that you worked so hard for?
What can you do to move forward, turn away from these closed doors and stay resilient to search and be open to new opportunities? You are no longer that 10-year-old boy. Your past need not determine your present moments and your future days. You do not have to be “stuck” with your past and limiting beliefs.
Photo by Gabriele Stravinskaite on Unsplash
You can decide how you will deal with the critical feedback or missed promotion, either to dwell on it and let your emotions and morale spiral downwards or to reflect on it and choose to find ways to improve your future performance. Ask yourself these questions to change your perspectives:
1) What can I learn from this?
2) What can I be grateful for in this situation?
3) What will happen if I continue in this perspective?
4) What am I not seeing or acknowledging?
5) What can I do in the next few days, few weeks, months to change my current situation?
If any of these questions inspire you to move away from your closed doors and towards new possibilities and new perspectives, contact us today to explore these questions further and uncover ground-breaking truths to start living an intentional and purposeful life!
River series!
Photo by Jeffrey Workman on Unsplash
It’s been more than a month since the launch of the website! I’m grateful for all the support, encouragement and positive feedback that I have received from all of you. Do keep them coming! This blog will be the kick-off for my series of blog posts on various quotes and analogies of rivers.
“River knows this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday.” - A.A. Milne, author of the Winnie-the-Pooh books.
Yes, wise words of wisdom of Pooh, a teddy bear whom we all love and adore. His simplicity of thoughts and honesty of feelings are wonderful reminders for all of us in this day and age of constant busyness and hectic schedules. When was the last time you slowed down and really savoured your day? I recalled one afternoon when I was working furiously to finish drafting a legal document while working from home when my two daughters came into my room after returning from school. Instead of stopping and being fully present and listening to them, I brushed them aside, saying curtly, “Mummy has to work right now. Can the two of you leave me alone for now?” I then shifted my focus back to my laptop, not noticing the look of disappointment on their faces. It was only later that evening when I realised that I lost out on a golden opportunity to connect with my daughters when my youngest girl told me that I was so mean to them! If I had stopped typing, looked at them and listened to what they have to share about their day, that simple act would have created a keepsake memory for them. Looking back, it would have taken me only 10 to 15 minutes. I am sure if I had asked them then to let me carry on with my work, they would have happily agreed as they were listened to and understood. They were not brushed aside. They were acknowledged and respected as individuals.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
When was the last time you were truly listened to and understood?
If you said two days ago, you are one of the very few lucky people in this world. Most people are heard but not truly listened to. The other person is often waiting for their turn to speak.
I provide a safe space for you to speak your mind, share your thoughts and explore your concerns. I will listen to you without any judgment or preconceived ideas of what you bring to our coaching session. I trust that each of my client knows exactly where he/she wants to reach at the end of each coaching session. Sometimes, all you need to gain clarity and find your “a-ha” moments is when you share what is really on your mind and in your heart to someone who does not have any other agenda apart from being there with you, holding space and being fully present, listening to you.
There is no hurry, we will get there … for you live to life your purposeful life!
Do you want to experience being truly listened to?
Book an appointment with me to find out more. I would be thrilled to hear from you!